The Thin Wall

Note: This play is another in a series that explores the possibility of creating humor and erotica without the aid of any visual prompts. The sex occurs in a dark room with only the dialogue to define the characters, attempt the erotica and move the action along.

The Thin Wall: One act Play with two scenes.

Scene 1: A room with a double bed, night stand, table and two chairs. A bathroom door leads off the room. John Benton, a clinical psychologist and Phyllis Newman a sex therapist sit at the table talking. John hands Phyllis a dossier, with a picture on one side and some paper work on the other. Phyllis opens the file, looks at the picture and begins to flip through the clinical history of the client.

John: What do you think?

Phyllis: Shouldn’t be too difficult.

John: A bit out of the ordinary.

Phyllis: Not the first time Dr Keller’s gone outside the box.

John: I’ll be close by if you need me.

Phyllis: (Laughs a bit nervously.) Quit acting like a big brother, I can do this.

John: I know you can...

Phyllis: It’s not like my first day on the job.

John: I have total confidence...how about dinner tonight?

Phyllis: Dating you is out of the question....it would be like...

John: Dating your brother?

Phyllis: Something like that.

John: OK.... now review the scenario.

Phyllis: The patient Ralph Forster, has developed a sexual dysfunction since he got married. He can no longer ejaculate in normal intercourse. His wife is overbearing and has become the dominant partner in their lovemaking. She has homosexual tendencies.

John: Now the therapeutic approach.

Phyllis: I'll assume the role of his wife in the first part of the session. We will simulate their normal sexual routine.

John: Go on.

Phyllis: Then the phone will ring. He will answer. It will be a stranger asking if his wife is home.

John: Go on.

Phyllis: John will get angry, and we will go through a routine aimed at restarting his Alpha-Male confidence and self esteem.

John: You have the props?

Phyllis: The wooden camera is in the closet. The restraints and collar are in my overnight bag. I have the cell phone, Game Boy and magic marker in the desk drawer. The rest I’ll be wearing.

John: Dr. Keller has walked him though the treatment scenario, for the role playing. You should break the ice by talking about his wife and their relationship.

Phyllis: That’s the plan. Don’t worry, this will go fine.

John: There’s something about this job that makes me uncomfortable.

Phyllis: Get over it.

John: Sure you won’t reconsider dinner?

Phyllis: No!.

John: OK then, he’ll be here in about fifteen minutes. Your room is right next door. This wall is all that separates us.

Phyllis: You're the most nerve wracking part of this job. (Picks up her bag and walks out the door.)

End of Scene


Scene 2: Same room set-up. Phyllis is sitting in a chair.

Knock Knock

Phyllis goes to the door, opens it with the security chain in place and looks out.

Ralph: My name is Ralph Foster.

Phyllis: I’ve been expecting you. Now I’m going to unlock the chain and close the door. Are you listening?

Ralph: I’m nervous as hell.

Phyllis: So am I....Now I want you to wait out here for a second or two and then come inside.

Ralph: Dr. Keller explained everything.

Phyllis: Well she’s not here now and we are... are you OK?

Ralph: Ready as I’ll ever be.

Phyllis: When you hear the door click shut, take a couple of deep breaths, turn the knob and step inside. Then I want you to say, “Honey, I’m home,.” loud enough so I can hear you. Here goes.

(Phyllis closes door, As she does the light goes out in her room. At the same moment, the light goes on in Johns room next door. The audience sees him putting two sound sensors on the wall and hooking them up to a tape recorder. He hears Ralph say, "Honey I'm Home," turns on the recorder, and turns off the light. Now both rooms are totally dark. The only thing the audience senses is what they hear being recorded on the tape machine.

Ralph: Honey, I’m home.

Phyllis: Where have you been?

Ralph: I stopped by the sports bar for a beer.

Phyllis: Getting to be a habit these days.

Ralph: For Christ’s sake honey...it's Friday. I only had one.

Phyllis: You don’t have to take that tone with me.

Ralph: Sorry, its been a hard week.

Phyllis: It’s not so easy here either, sitting home alone, while you’re out partying with your friends.

Ralph: It was one beer, a half an hour, I haven’t been partying around.

Phyllis: Did you happen to see Lucy there?

Ralph: Come on! When are you going to get off of the Lucy thing....its not like we did anything.

Phyllis: So, I have her to thank for that.

Ralph: She’s just a girl from the office....that’s all she is.

Phyllis: Have you lost interest in me....have I done something to offend you?

Ralph: I love you honey, I swear to god I do.

Phyllis: Well you don’t show it.... you haven’t touched me in a week.

Ralph: Why are you acting like this?

Phyllis: Because you don’t love me anymore....because you’re interested in someone else, because you’re thinking about leaving me.

Ralph: Strike three!, You’re swinging at fast balls that are all going into the dirt.

Phyllis: What’s that supposed to mean?

Ralph: It means that I love you, I’m not interested in anyone else, and I’ve no intention of leaving.

Phyllis: Maybe I need something more than words....

Ralph: Like what?

Phyllis: Like some reassurance maybe, like a little attention, a kind word aimed at my face, a compliment.....”Oh Phyllis, your hair looks so nice....is that a new outfit?”

Ralph: It does look nice.

Phyllis: Yeah, and so do these nails, and so does this skirt and blouse, and these shoes and everything else, you’re too preoccupied to notice.

Ralph: I’m sorry Honey.

Phyllis: And I’m sorry too! Sorry things have gotten to this sorry state of affairs....What’s on your mind RALPHIE? I’d like to know. It certainly isn’t me.

Ralph: Don’t call me that, please don’t call me that!

Phyllis: I’m going to pound your miserable ass Ralphie, thats what I'm gonna do; Pound your miserable ass. And when I get finished, your're going to damn well stop taking me for granted.

Ralph: Don’t do this to me Phyllis.... please don’t do this.

Phyllis: Drop your pants and lean over the table.

Ralph: What are you doing?

Phillis: You like my new dildole Ralphie? Watch while I strap it on. Allow me to introduce the two of you.

Ralph: I thought we decided not to do this any more.

Phyllis: I changed my mind.

Ralph: I haven’t changed mine.

Phyllis: You can either relax or find someone else to ignore.

Ralph: Ohhh... groan...

Phyllis: quit being such a cry baby.... I poured a whole vial of lube on it.

Ralph: groan

Phyllis: Relax now its going in. There, how bad it that?

Ralph: Are you happy now?

Phyllis: Delighted.

Ralph: Groans.

Phyllis: Have you started noticing me yet Ralphie?

Ralph: Can’t you take it easy at first?

Phyllis: Why should I....so you can pretend you’re doing it with Lucy?

Ralph: Groans, Why do you keep bringing her up?

Phyllis: Why do you keep lying to me?.

Ralph: I’m not lying to you.

Phyllis: You’re a bad boy Ralphie, and this is your punishment.

Ralph: Oh my god, Get it over with, just get it over with.

Phyllis: ‘Fess up Ralphie, Fess up

Ralph: Groans...to what?

Phyllis: To doing it with Lucy

Ralph: I never touched her. I swear I never touched her.

Phyllis: Don’t you ever think about her when you're making love to me?

Ralph: Pauses

Phyllis: Cat got your tongue?

Ralph: Groans....how can I think about anyone but you?

Phyllis: Don’t you ever pretend you’re doing it with her instead of me?

Ralph: Why would you think that?

Phyllis: Cause you called out her name last week... in your sleep... woke me up you did....you son of a bitch.

Ralph: Ahhhhhhh, I did not.

Phyllis: “Luuuucy, Luuuucy!”, the hell you didn’t.

Ralph: I’m sorry, so sorry.

Phyllis: How do you think that made me feel?

Ralph: Lousey.

Phyllis: It did Ralphie, it did, and now I’m busting your butt because of it.

Ralph: What are you doing now?

Phyllis: I want to feel your dick while I tear you a new ass.

Ralph: Oh my.....

Phyllis: Feels good doesn’t it, my gooey fingers squeezing your prick.

Ralph: Yes! Yes!

Phyllis: You like it when I stroke it?

Ralph: You know I do.

Phyllis: I bet you’d like me to suck it.

Ralph: You know I would.

Phyllis: My lips wrapped around it, my tongue teasing underneath; Stroking, sucking teasing.....

Ralph: Stop, I feel it coming.

Phyllis: You better not, and leave me hanging? Don’t even think about it. I’ll pull it out before I let you pop off.

Ralph: Groan, What a relief....my ass is a hunting puppy. Take that damn thing and throw it in the dumpster..

Phyllis: Go take a shower and cool off, I’m not through with you yet.

Ralph: Yes madame, whatever you say. (Pause)

Phyllis: (Turns on the TV, It’s the QVC channel. To Ralph....) Come on out, you don’t have to stay in there all day.

Television: And here we see a set of beautiful dimonique earrings set in fourteen carrot gold.....

Ralph: Let me get dressed.

Phyllis: You don’t need to get dressed.

Ralph: what now.

Phyllis: Get down on your knees.

Ralph: I hope you took a shower...

Phyllis: Don’t you like the smell of a little excitement.

Ralph: If it makes you happy.

Phyllis: It makes me real happy...go for it....you know what I like, now give it to me.

Ralph: How about turning the TV off.

Phyllis: You just mind to your business... now....ohhhhhh ohhhhhh, yes yes, just like that, suck me suck me....

Ralph: Can you at least turn down the volume.

Phyllis: What is it with you Ralphie....Why is it that I can multitask and you have a one track mind.

Television. And to go with those earrings consider this beautiful silver neckless, finely woven strands of Stirling silver...the perfect accent.

Phyllis: Don’t stop....stroke it, stroke my pearl.... Now push deep with your tongue, like you’re screwing me. Ohhhhh, yes just like that....what a tongue....your finest attribute. (A cell phone rings.)

Megan: Hi Phyllis.

Phyllis: Hey Megan, what you doing this afternoon?

Megan: Cleaning house.

Phyllis: Me too, Ralphie is catching up on some chores he’s been neglecting. Ohhhhh, ummmm.

Megan: Am I interrupting anything

Phyllis: Heavens no.... We’re just eating together and it sure is good. Ummmmmm

Megan: Are you watching QVC.

Phyllis: How did you guess?

Megan: I hear it playing in the background.

Phyllis: Did you see that gold lizard with the red sequins?

Megan: Which one

Phyllis: The one with his tongue splayed out.

Megan: The big one?

Phyllis: That’s the one I ordered... seeing that tongue made me horny.

Megan: They are supposed to have that effect on a woman.

Phillis: Wish Ralphie had a tongue like that.

Megan: Mercie mercie....

Phillis: Ohhhhhh ummmmm Gawd.

Megan: What happening?

Phyllis: This recliner sure feels good after working all morning.

Megan: That must be quite a recliner.

Phyllis; Quit pussy footing around and start working it.

Megan: Did you say something?

Phyllis: I was just telling Ralph how to fix the stove.

Megan: What’s wrong with it?

Phyllis: He can’t get the temperature gage to work...he’s fiddling around with all the wrong knobs.

Megan: Men! Can’t live with um....

Phyllis: Can’t live without um.

Megan: Did you ever solve that Game Boy program. ?

Phyllis: I’m working on it, as we speak.

Megan: How do you shoot all the balls before time runs out.

Phyllis: You just have to keep busting them....ummmm, ahhhhhhh.

Megan: What is it now?

Phyllis: It just came for me....ohhhhhh, ohhhhh

Megan: What just came to you.

Phyllis: The trick, the trick ;that solves it, just occurred to me....ohhhhh my gawd!

Megan: What’s the trick?

Phyllis: Tough love and persistence.

Megan: Huh?

Phyllis: You have to love the game and stay with it.

Megan: I suppose... I have to go now. You’ll have to show me how you do it.

Phyllis: I’ll be glad to, when I drop by this afternoon.

Megan: See ya!

Phyllis: Bye bye.

Ralph: How do you watch TV, play a video game and talk on the phone while I’m chowing down on your poochr?

Phyllis: It’s a girl thing Ralphie, a girl thing. Now go and wipe your face off, its all smeared with sticky stuff, while I go to the lady’s room.

Phone rings. Ralph answers it.

Ralph: Hello?

Bruno: Is that you Phillis.... this is Bruno.... How about I come over and bang your box?

Ralph: Slams down phone.

Phyllis: Who was that?

Ralph: That was Bruno, remember him?

Phyllis: Ah...., Bruno who?

Ralph: Bruno who wants to bang your box.

Phyllis: Never heard of him...maybe he had the wrong number.

Ralph: Maybe he had the wrong name too.

Phyllis: What a rare coincidence.

Ralph: Enough of this shit, I’ve had it with you.

Phyllis: What do you intend to do about it?

Ralph: You can find someone else to abuse.

Phillis: Did Bruno leave his number.

Ralph: Check the caller ID....goodbye.

Phyllis: Wait Ralph, maybe we can work this out.

Ralph: Until I write the rent check for this month.

Phyllis: Maybe I have been a little overbearing

Ralph: What you need is a good spanking.

Phyllis: I love it when you get ugly.

Ralph: Pull down your panties and lay over my knee.

Phyllis: Do I have to...?

Ralph: No.... you can always find someone else to annoy.

Phyllis: OK, but not hard....promise?

Ralph: Trust me.

Spanking sounds.

Phyllis: Oh Oh, anything but that....I promise to be good.

Ralph: What are these on the floor?

Phyllis: Ah.... I found them under the bed....must have come with the apartment

Ralph: A dog collar, a leash, leather restraints and a whip?

Phyllis: Do I sense some disbelief?

Ralph: Is this what Bruno had in mind for you?

Phyllis: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Ralph: Maybe we need to try um out.

Phyllis: Oh, please, don’t throw me into the briar patch!

Ralph: Down on your Knees, put the collar on.

Phyllis: Why are you demeaning me?

Snapping sound as the leash clicks on.

Ralph: Come on Phillis, lets take the pooch for a little walk.

Phyllis: This is so humiliating.

Ralph: Come on, that’s a good girl....now sit

Phyllis: This is ridiculous.

Ralph: Sit up now....bark for the bone.

Phyllis: This is stupid.

Ralph: I said bark for the bone.

Phyllis: Arf.

Ralph: Louder

Phyllis: ARF! ARF!

Ralph: Now take the bone like a good dog

Phyllis: You are so gross.

Ralph: TAKE THE BONE!

Phyllis: Hmmmmmm

sucking sounds

Ralph: Hmmmm, What a good girl.... let me scratchy, scratchy, behind the ears.

sucking sounds.

Ralph: Good girl, now that you've learned that trick, roll over.

Phyllis: You son of a bitch.

Sound of a newspaper rattling...swat swat

Ralph: Bad dog.... bad dog.

Phillis: Are you getting tired of this?

Ralph: You don’t look like a dog. Try panting like this, han, han han han.

Phyllis: This has gone far enough.

Ralph: Pant like a dog Phyllis, or explain it to the landlord.

Phyllis: OK, OK....han han han han....how’s that?

Ralph: Much better but still not enough. Is that a magic marker on the table?

Phyllis: What are you thinking?

Ralph: I need some kind of a visual cue.... my imagination ain’t all that good.

Phyllis:; What kind of que?

Ralph: Hold still while I write on your forehead......there “DOG.”

Phyllis: You’re sick Ralph, sick, you hear me?

Ralph: Now lets walk over here by the window....look its Mr. Jones...Hi Mr. Jones.

Phyllis: Stop it Ralph...this is really getting out of hand.

Ralph: Red Rover, Red Rover, why don’t you come over Mr. Jones, Red Rover loves to play chase the bone. Wait! Not so fast...Just because the dog’s ugly don’t run inside....this is one affectionate bitch.

Phyllis; Are you through?

Ralph: I guess so, let me take the leash off.

Phyllis: And the collar too.

Ralph: No, not that.... leave it on, it looks good on you. Now what else do we have here? Ah yes, the restraints.

Phyllis: This isn’t funny

Ralph: Come over here now, get up on the bed, back against the head board.

Phyllis: Like this?

Ralph: Just like that... There now, wrists to the bedposts.

Phyllis: I feel so helpless.

Ralph: Ankles to the foot boards....hmmmmm these eye bolts are certainly convenient.

Phyllis: How did they ever get there?

Ralph: Must have come with the apartment.... comfortable?

Phyllis: What do you intend to do?

Ralph: Well since you were a bad dog....and took all the fun out of my little game, I think you need to be punished.

Phyllis: How?

Ralph: First, I think you need to start addressing me in the proper terms.

Phyllis: What do you mean.

Ralph: I want you to add the word “Master” after everything you say.

Phyllis: Yes, master...

Ralph: Very good;

Phyllis: What next.......master?

Ralph: Next, I want to set up the camera and take some pictures of us doing it together.

Phyllis: What for......master?

Ralph: You know, send them to my friends, maybe yours, put some up in the office, maybe the mens room at Wall Mart.

Phyllis: You wouldn’t do that....would you master?.

Ralph: I might, but I’d leave off the telephone number.

Phyllis: Don’t even think about it.

Ralph: OK, I’ll add the number too.

Phyllis: You would’nt dare!

Ralph: Of course I would.... how do you intend to stop me, hog tied and all.

Phyllis: Please don’t be so mean, make love to me.

Ralph: Starting to get horny?

Phyllis: What if I am?

Ralph: Then I intend to take care of that....but first...?

Phyllis: First what?

Ralph: First, let me show you something I bought at the adult store.

Phyllis: What did you buy?

Ralph: A cyberskin, artificial erection. Watch while I put it on over my hard. It’s a third longer with twice the girth.

Phyllis: It looks big?

Ralph: So did your dildole.

Phyllis: I don’t think my little ding-a ling is big enough.

Ralph: That’s what this lube is for.

Phyllis: I guess we live and learn.

Ralph: My thoughts exactly.

Phyllis; Ohhhhh, that feels good.

Ralph: Tell me when its in.

Phyllis: Its slipping, its slipping, deeper and deeper....ahhhhhh there it’s as far as it goes.

Ralph: Now I’m going to pull back a little...there.

Phyllis: ....and push it back in.

Ralph: Yes....push it back in. Pull it back...

Phyllis: And push it back in.......Pull it back

Ralph: And push it back in,

Phyllis: I’m getting the hang of his, pick up the tempo.

Ralph: Back, in, Back in, back in back in,

Phyllis: faster Ralph, faster, faster.

Ralph: Inout Inout Inout Inout.

Phyliss: Oh yes, oh yes, its working, its working, don’t stop!

Bed: Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak

Ralph: Hump me baby, hump me, hump me.

Phyllis: Don’t stop don’t stop don’t stop....oh my gad... oh my gad

Ralph: I’m coming I’m coming.

Phyllis: So am I so am I.... don’t stop.

Bed: squeak, squeak

Phyllis; Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ralph: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh

Phyllis: Oh my goodness, that was wonderful.... now climb off my ass and untie me.

Ralph: Don’t be so impatient... I need to get some pictures first.

Phyllis: Do you have to....

Ralph: No, but these are great shots....your hair’s a mess...makeup all over your face...you look like you’ve been put through the ringer.

Phillis: Are you finished?.

Ralph: Yep...that’s the last one.

Phyllis: Now will you please untie me?.....master.

Ralph: Actually I was thinking of leaving you tied up.

Phillis: Please Ralph, undo me.

Ralph: OK, I’ll untie your hands but then you have to autograph your bra and panties.

Phillis: What?

Ralph: Here’s the marker, autograph them, they’re for my review mirror.

Phillis: For your mirror

Ralph: The guys will love it..

Phillis: There, you happy now? Untie my ankles.

Ralph: Be patient, I almost have it....there. Are we finished?

Phillis: I believe we are. Get dressed now, Dr. Keller is expecting you.

Ralph: Thank you so much Phillis, thank you so much.

Phillis: Good luck with your wife.

Ralph: I’m gonna need it.

Phillis: And I need to see the ladies room.

Sound of a door closing.....sound of another door closing....sounds of footsteps in the hall and going down the stairs.

Lights come on.

The End