Sin

Sin
By Nick Munoz
I murdered him and I am not sad. I was so angry with him for the guilt he caused me, for the days and days and days that I went home feeling ashamed. Feeling like I was throwing away my afterlife. My attack was a build up of all these feelings. Right before my brutal deed, and in fact throughout our entire relationship, he was kind. Yet now I stand over him, his dull red blood dripping from my fingers like water from a leaky faucet. Open wounds on my knuckles add my own dripping blood to his while at the same time allowing his blood to enter my body so that I become one with him one last time, a gesture that is ironic to me since it means the end of our oneness.
My arms hang weakly on the sides of my body from pummeling his face until it was no longer recognizable as human. The splatter from this brutal beating stained my face with tiny Rorschach tests. I cannot tell you why I have done this now after all these years of guilt, I can only say with absolute certainty that I feel better now that he is dead. I imagine him rotting in the ground, his body a great feast for worms, a utopia for maggots. Normally timid and squeamish I do not flinch at these images but instead embrace them, only wishing that for one day I could be a man of flesh and blood again so that I could leave paradise centuries later and go to his gravesite and dig up his casket.
I would pry off the lid just to see his once immaculate suit torn and tattered, the flesh melted off of his bones, his once beautiful green eyes now only dead empty sockets and his skeletal grin which was once upon a time one of the best smiles I had ever seen. I would be just as happy to see his lifeless body then as I am now, maybe even more so since it would mean conformation that I had done the right thing. I am elated to know that now that he is gone I can go on living my life like I am supposed to, like God intended me to. I can find a wife and have kids. Take them to church every Sunday so that we could be together forever. I do not wish to take back this deed; but I will repent, for this and all of my indiscretions with this man. Then, once I have to face that Omniscient judge and relive the shame of being with that man I can do it knowing that I have done the right thing, but more importantly he will know I have done the right thing. Knowing this the Almighty will gladly give me my just reward for eternity. I will never have to feel guilt for murdering him like I had to feel while being with him because murdering him was not like murdering a man; it was like murdering an unnatural being whose designs were to lure men from their rightful place in Heaven.