Single,Never Married, no kids

SINGLE-NEVER MARRIED-NO CHILDREN

I suppose I am an anomaly. I am single, never been married and have no children . An anomaly is like Monopoly without the money or property. One owns oneself, kind of like the first time I had sex…I was young, I was inexperienced, I was shy , … I was alone. And to this day when someone asks me how I am doing I reply, Okay, just like my sex life, I’m holding my own.
I always knew that I would remain single through life. I saw Born Free. I planned it, knew it took it to heart when I was still a tween. I do imagine my father and my upbringing had something to do with this decision because of something he said to me when I was 17. “If I had it to do all over again, Id have stayed single”, pop said. I replied, “Hey dad, Im standing right here.” “Uh-huh , I know”.
Let us go back further in my history, my upbringing. When I was twelve my father sat me down to have “the talk” . Not that one, he didn’t need it. This one:
My dad said, son, that’s what he called me, son, as you go through life you can have as many wives or girlfriends as you want but you only have one family and no matter what happens, no matter who leaves or whatever, we will always be here for you. You can always come home again. He had obviously not read Thomas Wolfe. I never heard most of that “talk”. I quit listening quite contentedly after I heard that I could have as many wives and girlfriends as I wanted. I didn’t hear the rest of said speech for 27 years. I was 12 years old and was just told I could have a harem. I wasn’t like other 12 year olds. I liked girls. They didn’t intimidate me until much later. But I was always watching TV and all the guys had one. I just wanted to be one of the cool guys. Guys had girls.
Now I admit, I’m pushing 60 and there have been a few times in my life when I’ve wondered if I had made the right decision, the decision to stay single and unencumbered. Of course not during the 60-s through the mid 80’s however. It was like the candy good-n-plenty. Or bit-o-honey… “if you have one head it’ll last all day.” I think that commercial was an early double entendre. But “I” got it.
I did say I started to have some doubts but two things happened . #1. I’ve seen others people’s children, loud, whiny, always wanting something, can’t take care of themselves for 16 to 27 years or more. I have ADD. I have never even held a job longer than 3 years. So I made a cognizant decision to have goldfish. When you’re done with fish , you flush them down the toilet. Do that with children and you’ll clog up the commode. Who needs that?
#2. the big one, Marriage. I’ve imagined the ceremony at city hall, visualized myself and my reaction to the event. It goes like this:
The Judge would say “ Will you take this person, from this day forward, forever and ever, as long as you both shall live?” and surely I would respond:” “Objection Your Honor, a life sentence?” “Look your honor, I just haven’t done anything that wrong.” “Couldn’t you give me 7-10 and then let me off for good behavior?”. I promise, Ill report every week thereafter to a PO.
Okay, now you’re getting the picture. Marriage, one man, to one woman is irrelevant even in nature. Monogamy? Not that there is anything wrong with that. But picture this…You are a penguin. You are married to a very nice lady penguin. And the inevitable happens. You come home one day from a day of fishing and pecking around and your wife Penny confronts you with an accusation about yesterday. There can only be one response. :OMG woman, how in the world was I supposed to know it was your sister? We never even spoke.
In finis, I am reminded of the old joke: Men don’t live longer than their wives, it just seems longer. Life is too short. Go Solo.
I went to Happy High School in Cincinnati, OH. Our Latin motto translated to this: “To be rather than to seem”.
I am and be Happy. I have fulfilled my alma mater pledge.