Bearing

    William Dumont stomped his way up the front steps of the large, white house.  He reached his hand up and pounded on the door.  His business suit was most definitely not kosher for a journey such as this one, but he didn’t have much of a choice.  He jumped a little at the sound of a wild animal from the woods around him, not recognizing the scream of a squirrel.  Normally these woods were quiet, and easy for a hiker to go through without hearing so much as a peep.  William, however, was no ordinary hiker, for ordinary hikers never made it this deep into the woods.  He was on a quest.

    “That damn old man,”  William panted to himself as he waited on the doorstep.  He wasn’t in particularly bad shape, but he was not prepared for a three-mile hike into the woods on a warm afternoon, least of all after work.  “Made me go to that dusty old fruit shop, buy a way too expensive kumquat, and then he just leaves me a damn note to ‘meet him in the woods’.  He better have a good reason for this…”

    William’s attention turned back to the door once he heard footsteps: strong, vibrating footsteps, approaching the door.  Moments later, he saw the doorknob turn, and open to reveal a sight he never thought he’d see.

      “Um…can I help you?” asked the seven foot, furry form of a bear from just inside the door frame.  He wore a conical party hat and held a plastic cup, with what smelled to William of alcohol, in its opposite paw.  The beast’s breath blew a vile cloud of liquor-scented air into William’s face as its lips twisted and changed shape to form the words it was saying.

      “Holy shit!”  William shouted as he reeled backwards, almost falling backwards off the stoop.

      “You need to really settle down, you know that?”

      William had no intention of doing any such thing.  “But…but…you’re talking...”

      “Yeah, we talk, that’s what we do.”

      “But you’re a bear,” William replied, “and bears don’t talk.  Mess up my campsite, lounge around the woods, take dumps on the walking trails; that’s what bears do.  They most definitely do not talk.”

      “Oh really,” another, larger, bear asked, stepping into view behind the first bear in the doorway, “then what do you call what we’re doing right now?  What do you think, Barrington?”

      The one with a party hat on looked at William.  “Now, I’m pretty sure this is what you call a conversation, Boss.”

      Boss nodded.  “And to have a conversation, you have to what?”

      William sighed.  “Talk.”

      Barrington threw his paws into the air.  “Now he gets it!”

      “Yeah, an hour too late, I’m afraid.” Boss added.  “The party’s kinda died a little.”

      William stared.  “You m-mean to tell me there were m-more of you here?  M-more talking bears?”

      Barrington nodded and rolled his eyes.  “Oh yeah. Lots of em.”

      William’s eyes grew wider.

      “Don’t let Barrington’s sarcasm scare you, Will.”  Boss said.  “It was actually mostly other smaller, less deadly mammals that were here.”

      “They came to a party hosted by their natural predators?”

      “What?”  Boss asked.  “There’s no knives here, pal.  And trust me, I’m not gonna get my claws dirty for the sake of eating any animal, no matter how tasty he or she might be.  But I can honestly say that was the most refreshingly offensive thing I’ve heard out of your mouth today.”

      “You mean other than the assuming we can’t talk bit?” Barrington added.

      “Oh, right.”

      “Um…I think we’ve covered the s-subject of you guys t-talking enough,” stammered William.  “Y-you wouldn’t have h-happened to see an old man around here, h-have you?”

      Barrington turned to the other bear.  “I‘m not sure. Boss?”

      Boss turned to Barrington.  “Man, looks like we’re gonna have to bust out the magic mirror.”

      Barrington sighed.  “Do we have to?”

      “W-what’s the magic mirror do?” asked William.

      Boss turned again.  “Well, it let’s us communicate with a…certain someone.  He could probably help you.”

      “Uh…okay, l-let‘s do t-that.” stuttered William.  He followed his two furry companions into the small house to a back room holding only a worn-down door that looked to be older than anything William had ever seen.  Water stains and holes covered it, and there was no knob to speak of, just a simple hole that was proof enough that a knob had been there in days past.  Boss stepped forward.

      “We don‘t really use this often.”
“I’d say not,” replied William, still looking at the door.  “Is t-there any chance I might c-catch, you know, a disease from touching this thing?”

      “Of course not,” snapped Barrington, “we’re not animals here.  I happen to clean this whole place myself.  Every inch of it, including said door.  Frankly, I think the door just came that way.”

      William tried not to stare at Barrington too long.  “All right, w-well, what do I do n-next?”

      “All right,” said Boss, pulling the door open with a single claw.  “But you asked for it, remember.  Light switch is on the left.”

      Barrington and Boss stepped aside to let William step forward and into the darkened room beyond the door.  A dank smell of dust combined with what smelled like proof of Barrington’s lie forced William to wheel around just in time to see the door slam shut behind him.  He sprang to the door, looking out through the knob hole.

      “Barrington, there’s no way you c-cleaned in here!” William shouted, still in almost complete darkness.  “It smells l-like a latrine!”

      “Oops,” came Barrington’s voice, laughing from the other side of the door.  “Guess someone must’ve wandered in there to whiz on the magic mirror.  Oh well, we’re only bears, right Bill?  You can‘t really hold us accountable, can you?”

      Damn, he has a point, William thought as he fumbled for the light switch, unable to open the rotted door from the inside.  Once he flipped it, he could no longer see through the knob hole, but realized he was clearly standing in a puddle of some liquid that was not water.  He groaned and looked for a dry spot on the concrete floor, stepping to his salvation once spotted.  Not having to deal with the thought of standing in animal waste, he peered around the closet to see if there was indeed anything resembling a magical mirror inside, unless that too was a lie.

      Yet, there stood a large, full body, gold-trimmed mirror not five feet from him.  He took a step toward it, feeling quite the fool when his two hundred dollar Italian shoes splashed onto the floor in front of him.  Giving up, he trudged through the next few feet of ground to come face-to-glass with the mirror that was supposed to save him from his damnation.

      “Okay,” he mumbled to himself, “now that I’ve just ruined my two hundred dollar pair of shoes, how am I supposed to make the magical man appear?”

      “Dude,” came a voice from nowhere, “you just gotta ask.”

      William jumped, splashing down again to come face to face with not his reflection in the mirror, but that of what looked to be a homeless man.  His long, scraggy white beard and hair went well with his ragged sweatshirt and sweat pants, not to mention his flip flops that looked to have seen better days. 

      William instantly knew who he was looking at.  “Lorenzo, you old son of a bitch!  This is where you’ve been the whole time?  I waited for over an hour at your ‘place’, which wasn’t anything more than an alley!  I waited in garbage for you!”

      “Dude, the bears,” replied Lorenzo, his eyes widening as he said the word bears.  “They tricked me and trapped me in this mirror, and it looks like they trapped you in here too, didn’t they?  What line they feed you, man?”

      William took a deep breath.  “Okay, they said they were having a party, but that all the guests left already.  Can you tell if they’re lying?  You’d know, right?”

      “Man, how gullible are you?” Lorenzo shot back. “They’re talking friggin’ bears.  Didn’t it strike you as odd they were having a party, but no one was there when you showed up?”

      “Whoa,” William snapped back.  “How is this my fault?  They made a pretty convincing argument…”

      “For what?” interrupted Lorenzo.  “That they’re not bears?  Did you seriously not see the sharp teeth and claws?  They friggin’ ate their guests!  Although, they are acting more like fraternity pranksters than bears…”

      William again breathed deeply.  “Okay, you don’t have to get on my case so much.  Listen, I bought the damn kumquat you wanted, for about as much as these shoes used to be worth too.  Why exactly did I have to get this anyways?  And what’s with the bears?  You never said anything about bears…”

      “Okay, first off,” the old man started, “ why did you knock on the front door?  Oh, and why didn’t you run when you saw two bears with alcohol?  People are bad enough drunk, but if you get a bear wasted…oh boy…”

      “Can you please just answer me seriously here?  We still have important work to do.”

      Lorenzo rolled his eyes.  “Fine, whatever, man.  I didn’t know these guys were bears, okay?  Besides, didn’t you think it was funny they knew what your name was without you telling them?  They aren’t exactly bears, dude.  And just keep the magical kumquat on you until later, you’ll need it to reverse what’s been done to them.”

      “Okay, that I can do,” replied William, his hands feeling his pockets to make sure the kumquat was still there.  “Now, why exactly did they lock us in this room?  It seems like if they wanted to eat us, they’d put us somewhere more sanitary.  I feel like I’m getting dysentery just standing here…”

      Lorenzo shrugged.  “Don’t know, but I’d say this is more of an elaborate prank than a serious threat to our physical safety.  I think the urine on the floor’s the biggest threat here, dude.”

      “Like a joke,” William breathed deeply.  “Great.”

      The old man rubbed his chin.  “Well, unless you dropped some serious acid on the way here, I’m pretty sure that’s why we’re in here.  Then again, this whole town might be built on a Hell mouth or something.”

      William’s eyes grew huge before the old man started laughing hysterically.  “Dude, you are so gullible.  I would so have known if these woods were on top of an gateway to Hell, so just chill.”

      William closed his eyes and collected himself once more.  “Okay, okay, so we’re dealing with a couple of frat bears.  How am I supposed to get my son out of here with those two patrolling around out there?  I summoned you here to rescue my son, and all I’ve gotten so far is an ass-load of headaches and a ruined pair of Italian shoes to go with my soon to be ruined suit.  What am I supposed to be doing?”

      “Well,” Lorenzo replied.  “Getting me out of this mirror would be a start.”

      William crossed his arms and raised a single eyebrow at the old, homeless man in the mirror.  “Now wait one second, I just got locked in an animal outhouse by a couple of talking bears, then got insulted by you about it, and you want me to let you out?  I really don‘t think you should be rewarded for not doing your job…”

      “Hmmm…good point.” replied the man in the mirror as he stroked his beard some more.  After about a minute, he finally answered.  “Okay, I got two good reasons.”

      “I’m listening.”

      “One,” he started, “is that you can’t open the door, but I can.”

      William rolled his eyes.  “What are you talking about?  That rotted thing won’t keep me here.”

      William sloshed across the room to the door and tried to bash it open.  He recoiled sharply, his shoulder aching from hitting what felt like a concrete wall.  Again and again he tried, but with the same result each time.  He muttered something inaudible under his breath.

      “Okay, fine, what’s the other reason?”

      The old man glared.  “Do you really think you can fight two bears by yourself?”

      William exhaled heavily.  “This doesn’t involve me touching that disgusting mirror, does it?”


#


      One hour, one broken mirror, and two bear-waste-stained hands later, the old man from within the mirror stood face-to-face with a shaking William.

      The old man dusted himself off.  “Dude, that was the longest it’s ever taken anyone in the history of mankind to break a mirror.”

      William was busy trying to find somewhere to wipe his hands, afraid the only option may be his own clothing.  “Are you serious?  I probably just contracted any number of bear germs from that thing, and you’re complaining?”

      “Bear germs?” The old man asked.  “What are you, man?  Five?  Besides, look at me.  Does it look like I’ve had much of a problem with germs lately?  Those damn bears have been doin’ their business on my mirror for three whole days, so, frankly, I think I can handle a little piss on my flip flops at this point.  Now come on, aren‘t we supposed to be saving someone?”

      Lorenzo took his time walking from his former prison to the rotted door.  He reached out with his hand, and with a slight tug, the door that had felt like a brick wall not one hour ago opened effortlessly.  The old man sauntered out of the dark chamber with a still shaking William behind him.

      “Yeah, after I loosened it for you,” William mumbled as he rolled his eyes.

      “What?”

      “Oh, uh, nothing.” William replied.  “Mind if we find a kitchen?  Or maybe a real bathroom?  I need some kind of disinfectant…bad.”

      “Yeah yeah,” Lorenzo said as he waved the trembling man on down the hallway.

      The two turned a corner to find what looked to be a replica of a fraternity house kitchen laid to waste.  Shattered beer bottles littered the floor, and pearly white shards of eggshell joined them in their encampment alongside at least one discarded sandwich.  Well, one in plain view, that is.  The countertops were covered with dirty dishes of all sizes, all of which were caked in black soot and uneaten food.  A mixed smell of mold and rot filled the air.

      “Oh my G-God…” William stuttered, reminded of Barrington‘s lie.  “How am I going to find…Lorenzo, what the hell are you doing?”

      Lorenzo, having moved while William surveyed this third circle of hell, was at the sink, which was overflowing with dishes.  After looking around for a little while, he grabbed something and threw it over his shoulder towards William.  William caught the bar of soap in his shaking hands, and moved rapidly to scrub as much of the imagined evil from his hands as he could.

      “Dude, when we get up there, we might get into some trouble,” started Lorenzo.  “So, if you’re in really dire straits, I want you to say this.”

      The old man reached into his pocket and pulled from it a piece of paper and handed it to William.  William opened it.  “What?  Lorenzo barata…”

      “Dude, not now!” shouted Lorenzo.  “If you do it now, it’s not going to help anything!  Only yell that so I can hear it when you know I’m near both those bears.  It’s a last resort that won’t be good for me, but dude, it will so solve this whole thing.”

      Lorenzo paused for a few moments.  “Will, you might have to kill one of those things.  You think you can really handle a death by your hands, even to save your son?  I know you‘ve never killed anything before.”

      William didn’t look up from his hands.  “Please, Lorenzo, they’re just bears, remember?  It’s not like I’d be killing a person.”

      “Hmm…really.”  Lorenzo stared at the frantically scrubbing man for a few minutes. “So, you…ah…gonna put that down so we can go?  I’m not letting you wash yourself constantly while we go upstairs.”

      “No, I’m not putting it down.” William stated, glaring at Lorenzo. “Let’s get going.  I think I’m contracting salmonella just by standing here.”

      The old man walked right past William out of the kitchen and back down the hall toward the staircase leading upstairs.  He stopped abruptly, and turned towards William. 

      “Dude, you think you’re ready for this?”

      “You mean to confront two mentally unstable bears while saving my son?” William replied.  “I think that would have to be a no.”

      Lorenzo laughed.  “Dude, the bears aren’t mentally unstable, they’re more like over-stimulated teenagers.  Besides, they‘re probably passed out somewhere from all the drinking they‘ve done the last few days.”

      “Hey, Barrington,” came the familiar voice of Boss echoing from behind them, down the hallway.  “Look who got out of their room!”

      “Or maybe not.” said William as he turned, wide-eyed, to Lorenzo.

      Lorenzo rolled his eyes.  “Dude, just shut up and come with me.”

      The old man grabbed William’s arm and pulled him along with surprising strength for a man of his age.  The two ran up the stairs quickly, never looking back to see where the two bears were.  A good idea, since once they reached the upper floor, Lorenzo needed to duck out of the way of a wide paw swipe.  He and William stood face-to-chest with the towering form of Barrington, still wearing his party hat, holding a bottle of Smirnoff.  His glare pierced right through William’s heart, immobilizing him with fear.

      What if my son’s gone? William thought.

      “Dude,” Lorenzo yelled at William, “I got the bear, you go get your son.  End of the hall on the left!”

      The old man pushed William toward the direction he’d told him to go.  Stumbling down the hall and not looking back, William came out of his trance to find himself exactly where Lorenzo told him to go.  He grasped the knob tightly and turned, opening the door slowly.  He wasn’t sure if his heart could take what was behind the door.

      Don’t let me be too late.

      As the door creaked open, William’s fears were dispelled.  Well, somewhat, at least.  Inside the room was an entire tea party set, complete with pink everything.  Pink walls, frilly pink drapes, a pink pony bed, and a wooden pink table, placed right in the center.  A Pink Pony Princess lamp stood prominently near the bed, and pink tea cups with equally pink saucers sat in front of an extremely male teenager dressed in an extremely pink dress.

      “Ben,” he mumbled.  “This is almost as bad as I imagined…”

      Ben leapt from his seat and ran towards his father, gripping him tightly.  His tears seeped into William’s shirt.  “Dad, Oh my God.  What are you doing here?  Did they get you too?  Is mom okay?  Are they gone?”

      “Listen, Ben, we have to move fast,” replied William as he grabbed his son’s arm.  “Lorenzo’s out there fighting one of those bears right now, and I don’t know how much time we have left.”

      William tugged a little on Ben’s arm, but to no avail.  He looked back to his son to see an awed look in his eyes.  “What’s wrong?”

      Ben could only stare.  “You mean…he’s actually here?  Lorenzo’s here?  The ‘Eternal Hero’ is in this house right now, fighting a bear…for me?”

      William sighed and rolled his eyes.  “Yes, for the love of Pete, that homeless ass is fighting a bear.  Now let’s go!”

      William spun quickly, but was repulsed when his body crashed into the titanic, hairy form of Boss, standing just inside the door.  William and Ben retreated across the room, getting out of range of the bear’s mighty grip.  Boss smiled at the two and let out a tremendous roar.

      “I don’t think anyone’s leaving,” he growled.  “Our little pledge here still has to change us back before he leaves!”

      William cocked an eyebrow at his son.  “What did you do to these bears?”

      Boss roared again.  “Yeah, how about you tell him why, Ben? Tell your dad what you did to us, you little bastard!”

      William shot the large beast a glare before turning to his son, who began to explain.  “Actually, dad, I changed some fraternity brothers into bears with magic.  Before you yell at me, I know it was wrong, but no one was listening to me when I asked for help, and I really wanted them to leave me alone.  I wasn‘t strong enough to keep them from constantly bothering me and my friends, and the only thing that I could do was turn to that book.”

      William smirked and turned his attention back to the bear.  “Ah, I think I get it now.  It must’ve been a spell from the same book I summoned Lorenzo from.”

      Boss growled.  “You were the one who summoned that old man?  He’s the one who made the rest of our fraternity brothers disappear before we could get him sealed in that mirror!  He just mumbled some words like barata…barata…what was it?”

      William smiled wider.  He breathed deeply, and then yelled, “Lorenzo barata nicto!”

      At the silence after the last syllable, a gale burst through the room, and out the open door.  William could hear Barrington roar for a few moments, obviously in some sort of pain.  Then nothing at all.

      Boss leaned back to look down the hallway, then looked back at William, his eyes twitching.  “You son of a bitch!  Barrington was the last one!  Now I don’t have anyone!  No one to drink with!  No one to party with!  Damn you!”

      William’s smile grew wider.  “Just wait ‘til Lorenzo gets in here.  You’re toast then, pal.”

      “Lorenzo?  The old man?” Boss was now the one that smirked.  “He’s gone too, Bill.  That’s too bad, cause he might’ve been able to save you from the immense hurting you’re about to get from me.”

      William’s confident look faded immediately after hearing that Lorenzo had disappeared.  His eyes widened, and his smile faded into a trembling, gaping hole that he could barely control as he now stood before an angry bear, now clearly intent on doing him mortal harm.  William’s mind raced.

      Ben tugged on his fathers sleeve.  William looked down to see his son’s eyes filled with fear.  Tears streaked down the side of his face as he sunk to the floor.  “Dad, Lorenzo…”

      William didn‘t know what to do.  His hand went to his pocket.  When he clenched his fists, his eyes opened wide with surprise.  I knew I forgot something.

      William’s hand flew out of his pocket like lightning, and out flew a bar of soap, a kumquat awkwardly smashed into the middle of the softened whiteness.  It was aimed right at Boss’s head.

 

#


      Assuming it was some sort of weapon, and having been a big fan of martial arts films in his human days, Boss snapped his jaws out and clamped down on the bar of soap.  Hard.  His paws shot up to his face, trying to pull the soap from his mouth, all the while stumbling around and roaring incessantly.  Boss also recognized the taste of something else, something he hadn’t eaten since he had lived with his parents; a kumquat.  Yet, it didn’t taste quite the same.  This particular one was doing something to him, something weird.  The bear felt his body begin to change, the hair on his body slowly retreating into the pores of his skin, his limbs shrinking ever so slightly, and his snout regressing backwards into his face.

      The soapy taste in his mouth was too strong for him not to deal with it for long, and his paws flailed at the bubbly white substance covering his teeth and lips.  Boss was so engrossed in getting that disgusting soapy taste from his mouth that he never saw William grab the Pony Princess lamp, tear off the shade, break the glass, and stab it right through his thick, matted hair, and right into the soft skin underneath.  Boss let out a massive roar, this one filled with discernable pain, pain at feeling his life slowly draining from his wound.  The electric shock sent volt upon volt of electricity through his body, causing it to convulse and give off a slight plume of smoke.  He stumbled forward, knowing his life was about to end.


#


      William was still staring at the wound he had inflicted on the giant beast.  He never really thought a lamp, let alone one of the Pony Princess variety, could inflict such damage on anything.  Especially a six-hundred pound bear.  His smile was the widest it had been in quite some time.

      Well, that was easy enough!  Lorenzo didn’t know what he was talking about!  William thought to himself as the now visibly changing form of Boss fell to the floor in front of him and Ben.  William watched as Boss’ body shook and convulsed, the last vestiges of life leaving the now human body.

      Once William saw Boss’ body change as it lay on the floor, he never looked away, not even when Ben tugged on his sleeve.

      “Dad,” Ben said.  “You did it!  You killed him!  Dad, you‘ve gotta be as good as the ‘Eternal Hero’ now!”

      William eyes still could not move from the silent, motionless body of what had been Boss as his son led him from the room.