Letter to the Boss

MS Word Word count: 299

Dear Mr. Grimwade,

    Since you’re out of the office today, and you’ve called the Township Police to escort me out of the building, I just thought I’d leave you a little note on my way out to rebut a few of the baseless accusations that have led to my dismissal.

    I have been accused of being disruptive at staff meetings.  They are just so boring that occasionally I need to multitask to keep my mind occupied during the lulls.  I know that gangsta rapping during the monthly budget presentation is against company protocol.  But I had my headphones on and honestly didn’t know how loud I was rapping to “Pistol Grip Pimp” while Mr. Jenkins was giving his figures.  As for the incident with the pencil helicopter, it just got away form me.  I hope Mr. Peterson’s eye heals soon.

    It’s been said that I used a company car to solicit three prostitutes and drive to Atlantic City for a weekend of gambling, boozing, and unspeakable sex practices.  This is completely false.  There were only two prostitutes and we only went to Wildwood.  As far as the sex being unspeakable, it really wasn’t.  I just don’t like to brag.

    Then there’s the matter of my supposed embezzling of company funds.  Well actually, I did do that.  But since I’ve Crazy Glued the lock on your office door, I figure I’ll be halfway to Argentina with the two hundred and fifty thousand before you get this note.  So thank you, and sorry about that.

    One last thing.  I’d also like to apologize for the toilet paper streamers I redecorated your office with.  But I figured that after I put up with your crap for eight years, you pretty much had it coming.

Yours truly,

Jack P. Wilson a.k.a. “Happy Gomez”