How to Survive a zombie attack

         Chances are that if you are reading this article  you have the undead scourge banging on you're bedroom door or maybe you're just bored. Either way, here is a step-by-step guide on how to increase you're chances of survival.
The first move in an attack should be to think of a short term survival plan and eventually a long term plan. The steps that you take at the beginning of zombie epidemic can determine whether you live or die.     

***Disclamer*** If you fall into one of the following cliches then chances are that you're doom is imminent. Sorry. At least try to kill as many zombies as you can before you go down.***

Without fail the group “Asshole” is outside the order of deaths, as he is doomed from the beginning despite what order he dies in.

First to die is going to be any one who takes off their clothes or has sex

I'm sorry to say it, but the black guy is the first to go, he is only trumped by those that remove their clothes. (However if he survives about half the group, then the rule is disbanded and he is subject to other deaths.)

Anyone who goes off by themselves or separates from the group (if you have numbers use them to you're advantage.)

The Joker in the group dies, simple as that.

Next in line is the blonde

Unless you are the  lovable stoner, if you do drugs you're going to die.

Then comes the stupid guy the who checks out the weird moaning in the next room.

The Quite one will probably not die, because their probably clinically insane.


Arming you'reself against the undead.

As hand to hand combat is not advised, any kind of weapon can be beneficial in a zombie attack.  If a gun is not at hand then any blunt object can work to temporarily fend the zombies off. However If you have access to a gun then you're already ahead of the game. Although it might not seem like a great idea wearing long sleeve's, heavy clothing or a jacket can possibly save you're life. The undead can endure a lot of punishment before being put down for good. The best way to kill a zombie is to aim for the head.  Shooting, cutting or bashing anywhere else will only temporarily delay them.



*tips*
Never try to kill a zombie with fire, its a waste. They will continue to try to devour you. Only now you need to worry about a pyro zombie trying to eat you!
Explosives (propane tanks and such.) can always be put to use as a weapon. Possible to clear a path of the undead
You don't have to reload a blade
Head-shots are not only effective at killing zombies, but they also save on ammo.
Avoid being bit at all costs. Even a small nibble means that you're doomed to you're undead fate.
Make sure that weapons and ammo are abundant for you're group.


Gathering supplies

Basic supplies are needed survive as long as possible. Knowing what necessities to acquire and how to find them will mean the difference between life and death. The best scenario is to have access to a big vehicle like a truck or a SUV. Bigger vehicles can hold more people, carry more supplies, and offer a substantial amount of protection. Whether you have a big vehicle or a small one, the first thing to acquire is weapons and ammunition. The best way to accomplish this is to raid local gun stores or pawn shops. If these places are locked then you can ram you're vehicle through the entrance. (Its the Apocalypse, drastic times call for drastic measures.) Next, if the Zombie invasion has not completely overrun you're area then gather food and gas. However if you are unable to then just get out of town and raid a gas station in the boonies. If it is possible to raid a grocery store.  Then bulk up on food for survival. Get enough supplies so that everyone that you happen to be traveling with can survive. Canned food needs to be the bulk of what is taken. Also foods that don't necessary go bad. WATER WATER WATER. Also camping supplies and items of that variety. Walkie talkies, radio ext.
(Be forewarned some private owners might be holed up in these places ready to shoot anything that comes across there path.)

Basic survival

Zombies increase their numbers by biting their victims, thereby turning them into the undead also. So the undead's ranks will increase significantly in huge cities. So if at all possible it is best to get as far away from civilization a possible. However, if you are unable to  get out of area, the best way to survive is to bunker up in schools,grocery stores, or multiple story buildings. Phone systems might be down due to call volume collapsing the network or other reasons. So getting a hold of people might be difficult. If you are not in a outbreak area, then you might be able to get a hold of friends and family. This way more weapons, man power, and food can be acquired. Anyone who has a personal armory and lots of food is of use. As before big vehicles are key, for defense, as well as carrying supplies. There are a couple of plus's and negatives to traveling with a group of people.










Plus's-
More people equals more guns, and more protection
Individuals can take guard duties
there will be more specialties (doctors, engineers,ext)
pool of skills
access to more resources (places to go, weapons, vehicles ext)

Negatives-
More risk, one infected person could get everyone killed.
More food to supply.
People can just be down right stupid.
harder to gather everyone in the event of a attack.
More individuals to protect

General Tips
*Weapons are important, but lasting food is more important
*finding places to temporarily be safe are key
*don't assume just because their human that there on you're side
*Always ALWAYS check people for bites, don't trust people when they deny being bit
*Ration food, you don't know when you're going to be able to resupply
*Guns and ammo need to be plentiful


Probability

Probability is the basis of you're survival
Whether we like it or not probability plays a big factor in our survival rate.
If you are in a big city like Dallas ,Texas, and the outbreak starts there. The zombies are spreading like wild fire. Well unfortunately you're chances are not good. Sorry. If it happens in another part of the country, or even in a different county, you're chances are increasingly better. If a airborne virus effects only 1 percent of the population, and turns them into zombies. Well this one percent bites another 2 percent now 3 percent of the population is infected. So at this rate in a manner of hours a huge city could be overrun. What do you think you're probability for survival is in this scenario?
Don't you wish you'd paid attention in math class.

Shelter

Shelter by far, is the most important asset to survival, short term and long term. It does not really matter where you find shelter as long as it meets three requirements.

1.Holds undead scourge at bay.
2.Need some kind of water source
3.Be able to adequately defend shelter

The safest shelter is to go to a remote location and setup camp. The farther away from humanity the better. A house in the country might have to do. Once again, not only is it unsafe to try to survive in big cities, but zombies wouldn't be all you're worries. If the government cant take care of the problem in the big city that you're in, then there's always the chance that the city will be bombed to prevent spreading of  the undead.  A good setup camp should always be as remote as possible. If able sentry's always need to be placed around the camp. A barricade of some kind needs to be erected around the premises. (Im going to Alaska,btw.) The strength of the barricade will be the determining factor for survival.  Also when setup for a long time, you will eventually need to resupply on a variety of goods. So you're survival is now based off of the effectiveness of scavenging  parties. These parties will need to be able to go increasingly long distances in order acquire food, goods, weaponry.




Now we have the tools at our disposal to not only survive but to fight back against the zombie menace.
And to all who have read my article, when zombies attack, look for The Republic of Aaron in the northern Alaska region. :P