Soliloquy

"Either I will have ALL...or NOTHING. Period".....That was her principle...all her life...and she had never compromised on that..never...But now somehow she felt she was NOT going to have ALL...and she would never be satisfied with anything less than ALL...never...What was she to do....There was a merciful dullness in her mind now, a dullness that she knew from long experience would soon give way to sharp pain, even as severed tissues, shocked by the surgeon's knife, have a brief instant of insensibility before their agony begins.

“There must be some way!Must be!!”,she thought grimly, summoning up her old charm, even as her mind was beginning to ache, “There’s ALWAYS a way."
And her heart lifted faintly…by the determination of her mind…

She wanted to think now..calmly..patiently…she was blessed with that …she could bide her time and wait till eternity to get what she wanted…In the end she would win, because she had a deep almost mystic patience...She could wait forever...to get ALL....She never forgot anything…The RIGHT TIME..The RIGHT PLACE…she needed to wait for the coming together of these two…wait until she could make these two come together…she told herself…have patience…that’s the key…she would eventually get ALL..but for the present she needed to wait…and watch…and plan…
She felt vaguely comforted, strengthened by her thoughts, and some of her hurt and frantic regret was pushed from the top of her mind. She stood for a moment remembering small things, things which gave her strength…courage...those things which were the last link with the old days.

With the spirit of her people who would not know defeat, even when it stared them in the face, she raised her chin. She could and she would get ALL. She knew she could. There had never been something she couldn't get, once she set her mind upon it.
She looked up at the stars…they were there in the heavens..encouraging her with their twinkling…telling her that they were with her..would always be with her…they would shape her destiny according to the way she wanted…for she CONTROLLED her destiny…she always had…and she always would…
She smiled and gave a long contented sigh….