Losing

                You’re right! I’m sorry! I’m sorry I’m always the one who hurts you! I’m sorry I’m always the one who does the wrong thing! I’m sorry I’m just plain stupid! I wish I could be just as perfect as you. Just as funny, just as smart. I wish I could just be you.
         But no. I…I don’t really. I do wish you’d try to understand me. Try to understand who I am. And maybe, just maybe, try to understand that you aren’t really perfect. I’m not the only stupid one here. You can be stupid too. And are you really all that funny? I don’t think so.
         But mostly, I want you to know that you hurt me. The pain of rejection, the pain of loss, and the pain of the insecurity that you encourage in me are what tear a hole in my heart every moment of every day.
         After finally discovering what I wanted in life, finally being comfortable with myself, you’ve decided to take it all away, and let me tell you, it hurts; it hurts more than anything I’ve ever “done to you.”
         But don’t worry. I’ll still be here. Even if you can take everyone away from me, I’ll be right here. Even when no one likes me anymore, I’ll still win, because I know myself. I know I’m NOT stupid, and yes, I can be funny. I don’t hurt people, but I’m not perfect either. I’m not perfect like you think you are.
         …And now, it’s too late to turn back. I did win, just like I said I would. I have friends, and you’re the lonely one once again. I felt bad for you at first, but now you’re beyond my pity.
For habit’s sake I’ll tell you I’m sorry, but I mean it with reservations. I’m sorry you’re not quite as perfect as you thought you were. I’m sorry you feel stupid and lame. I’m sorry that you’ve lost every chance of friendship here. But I want you to know it was all your fault. I did nothing. You chose to fake all those friendships. You chose to hurt all those people, and now you have to pay the price.
                So, this is goodbye. You’ll be leaving now, and trying some other place. In the end though, they’ll find out, and you’ll lose again. Until you decide to stop being a jerk, you’ll always lose, no matter where you go, or who you know. You’ll lose…forever.