What Would You Call This Life I Live?

I'm not sure how to write an autobiography, seeing has how I never actually have, so I guess I'll just start with somebasic information about myself. My name is Bennett Monroe Montoya, but there are only a few people that I allow to call me by my full first name, and even fewer that can call me by my middle name. I'm sixteen-years-old and have recently started driving, which I love; it is both liberating and empowering at the same time.
My childhood was as basic as it gets. I was born in Nashville Tennessee and lived just outside the city for three years of my life. The most I remember about the house is that we lived on a giant hill and had a tree house. Nothing important ever really happened in the years spent there. I don't have any huge stories to share about life. Heck, I didn't even start school until I moved. I was a pretty sickly child and never really did anything outside of school either. My life, truthfully speaking, has been pretty dull. I would say that the most interesting story in my life is that of my salvation.
I grew up in the church, but, for me, it was just something that I had to do every Sunday morning. I never really enjoyed the experiance. In fact, I actually dreaded it more than school. The church was just an old, smelly building with smelly, uncomfortable seats, and full of old, smelly people. Every Sunday I would be dragged out of bed and get all dressed up just to sit and listen to an old man ramble for two hours. I absolutely hated everything about it. But I knew the stories and the secret meanings hidden within them and, growing up, I thought I was doing fine.
For a few years, there was a slight lasp in my church attendance. Something had happened in our church that my parents did not agree with, though I was too young to understand or for me to remember it now, and we left. We visited many other churches for a time, each as boring and smelly as the last, and eventually settled down and claimed a new one as our own. We stayed at this same boring church until my fifth grade year and I still didn't really care for the experiance. Then, another lapse. We stayed out of church for about a year, this time the reason is unbeknownst to me, and I continued to drift down a dark road. I wish now that I could make up that lost time.
Seventh grade was the year of change. This was the year that I moved to Brighton Middle and started going to a new church, but something was different. This time I was looking for the truth. At the age of twelve had seen the dark histories of the world. I had studied the Holocaust in school and had personally read the Diary of Ann Frank. I needed to know how, if God did exist, He could let these things happen. So I went to church and I have heard many things about God. After a while, I was saved and got Baptized as a sign of it. It was only down hill from there, however. You see, I didn't have many friends in the church and it was still just as much a chore to go as it had been in the past. I personally believe that once you receive salvation you cannot lose it, but my constant drifting from God led me to question whether I had actually received it at all. I got caught up in self-doubt at the same time I was preaching to others about the Lord. I know now that this feeling came from my own selfish need to justify my misjudgments.
In November of 2008, I was approached by my good friend, Ryan Jones. He informed me that, since he was the newly appointed worship leader of my youth group, he was putting together a praise band. I already knew this, for he had already recruited Drew, my brother, to be the drummer. That, as it turned out, was the reason he was there. He told me that he had heard, from Drew, that I could play guitar. He then asked me if I would be interested in playing lead guitar for the band. I, of course, was floored, because I honestly wasn't that good, but I happily agreed to do it. From that point on, I was thrilled to go to church. I had a purpose and a calling.
I played for months, helping to lead worship on Wednesday nights. Though I grew closer to God during this time, due to the constant church exposure and Godly friends, that I spent enormous amounts of time with, there was a secret enemy sneaking up on me, my self-doubt. I just couldn't get the thought out of my mind that I was a hypocrite, standing on stage every Wednesday proud and boastfully as if I were the perfect Christian. It got to the point where I wasn't playing for God anymore, but for my own glory.
This past summer I went to an event called "Student Life", a church camp. We stayed on the campus of Covenant College, which is located on the Georgia side of Lookout Mountain. On that mounain I learned more about my relationship with God than anywhere before. With daily prayer time, worship each day in the morning and at night, and constant fellowship with other Christians, it was inevitable that I grow in my spirituality. The best part of the experiance is the fact that, to this day, I don't know who signed me up for the trip. I had no intentions to go to this "lame camp", which just so happened to change my life.
On this mountain top, I read the Word and had a revelation. I learned that I had indeed been saved when I was younger, and that, though I had strayed far, I was back in a relationship with my God. I am leading a renewed life. I've lost myself and found God.
This past summer, I went to Puerto Rico, on a mission trip, with the rest of my youth group, for an event called "World Changers". I hated everything about the camp that we stayed in. It was hot and uncomfortable. There was no such thing as air conditioning and I stayed in a twelve by twelve room with twenty-seven other guys. Nevertheless, the worship was life changing. If you have ever heard two languages simultaneously singing praise to an almighty God, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. If not, then all I can say is: there's nothing like it in all of the world. There wasn't a famouse band leading worship, like at Student Life, but instead, a single girl and her guitar. It was my constant longing to be up there, helping to lead worship and to bring glory to God, that brought me to a realization. This was my future. This was my true calling, my true purpose in life. And my heart is torn. I have spent my life aspiring to be a great writer, it's all I've ever wanted to do. For this reason, I am in turmoil, because I don't know what to do.