Sheep and Goats

Everything had happened so suddenly, he had a hard time making sense of the events happening around him. Like most people, he had assumed that life would just continue as it always had. To suddenly be standing here in this unbelievably huge mass of humanity before the throne of God was disconcerting, to say the least. It was like being at the mother of all rock concerts, with everyone facing toward the throne in anticipation of what would happen next.

To be honest, despite his Christian upbringing, he had entertained doubts about the existence of God during his college days. All the late night theological debates with his buddies had been so convoluted and confusing it could make you question your own existence, let alone Gods’. Not that he had a lot of time to think about such things the past few years, but he had thought about it at times when he was stuck in rush hour traffic with nothing to do but think. At least it had been a break from worrying about his job, his family, or whatever was going on at any given moment. He hadn’t thought too deeply about it either way. It’s not as if he had ever honestly doubted God’s existence, or made a decision to reject Him. He was relieved about that now. It had just been intellectual curiosity, after all. No harm in that, right?

He realized with relief that he was on the right-hand side of the throng of people, with a large chasm between the two groups on either side. He thought he remembered something from his childhood Sunday school class about the right-hand side being the side you wanted to end up on. Something about people being divided to the left and right like sheep and goats. He was a little fuzzy on the analogy. He must not have done too badly in life, after all. Kinda like some of those exams in college where you show up feeling totally unprepared, take the test and afterwards have no idea if you even passed, just to find out when the grades were posted that you aced it. A pleasant surprise.

It’s not as if he would have expected to be on the left-hand side either, though. He never thought of himself as a religious person, but he had lived an exemplary life, he had to admit. He had worked hard, never cheated on his wife, he had been a good dad. He hadn’t fallen into the hypocrisy of dropping his kids off at Sunday school every week just to appease the guilt of not attending church himself. At least not until his wife, Cindy, started attending church with the kids last year. He felt that just setting a good overall example in his daily life was better for them than to force some stale religion on them that he couldn’t stomach himself.

Church just wasn’t his thing. Sure, he was baptized when he was a kid. It was just what you did. He saw all those religious right types and never felt anything but embarrassment for them. It had kinda irritated him when Cindy insisted on going to church. He had known it was only a matter of time before she started pressuring him to go. That’s how it worked. Like a health club membership. They wanted to rope the wage earners in so they could pressure you into giving them money. It really was a racket.

Not that he had any problem with donating to worthy causes. He had donated to plenty of charities over the years. It was a taxable expense, after all. But he didn’t see where the churches really did that much good. They just spent the money on their own programs. When he gave money it was to worthy causes that he had researched to be sure the money was going where it was intended to go.

At least the kids were learning things from the Bible. He had always intended to read the Bible to them himself, but it never seemed to fit into their schedule. So that aspect of them going to church was a good thing, especially considering the recent events that landed him here. He even went with them to church occasionally, when there wasn’t a football game on the television. It hadn’t been as tortuous as he had thought it would be. At least Cindy had picked a pretty upscale church. And some of the guys there were pretty cool. He figured he might even make some business contacts. He had almost felt compelled to question Cindy about her choice. It almost seemed like, “church-lite,” so to speak. He wondered if Cindy was actually going for the religious experience, or just to remedy her boredom. She seemed to have gotten involved in a myriad of social functions through the church pretty quickly. He just couldn’t help but be skeptical. He’d seen too much religious posturing in his life to take it too seriously.

He looked around at the people standing with him. It looked like a pretty diverse group. He wondered if he would be able to spot his wife or kids in the crowd. With so many people, it would probably take a long time to get organized and meet back up.

Over the heads of the people around him, he could just catch glimpses of the people on the other side of the chasm. A few stood with their hands held up over their heads, obviously pleading for their lives. Many of them appeared to be crying. The rest seemed to be lying prostrate on the ground, whether groveling for mercy or in the throes of grief, it was impossible to tell. It occurred to him, in a moment of irreverent mirth, that they looked a lot like the holy rollers he’d seen sometimes on late night television as he flipped through the channels. He remembered a scripture he had heard as a child about there being a “gnashing of teeth” among the people condemned to the lake of fire. It was amazing how all that comes back to you when you see it happening right in front of your eyes, he thought. Well, you have to pity the poor devils over there, but really, they should have cleaned up their lives when they had the chance. It was their own fault. It’s not as if it wasn’t all there in black and white, if they had paid attention. Not as if he had read the Bible on a regular basis himself, but he had more than a passing knowledge of everything in it. He had even read parts of it for a literature class in college. And he had gone through phases where he would read a little now and then in the morning when he had his coffee.

He wondered if each individual person over there was going to stand trial. That could take an eternity! Well, come to think of it, what else do they really have to do? Suddenly, a voice boomed over all the noise of the gathering, but he was unable to make it out over the chanting and singing of the angels. Who could have imagined how many billions of angels there were? They seemed to be everywhere. They almost gave him the creeps. The crowd on the other side started moving en masse. Obviously, their judgment had already been made. Wow! Didn’t they even get an appeal?

It was sobering to see them going to reap the reward for their actions. He saw a few of them looking back over their shoulders as they left the throne room, sorrow on their faces as they looked across the chasm one last time, searching for loved ones. One can’t help but feel a little sorry for them. I guess that’s a normal Christian reaction to their suffering, he thought.

As he watched them leave something caught his attention. Not something actually, but someone. His wife, Cindy. She was in the other group, looking back, searching the faces in his group. What was she doing over there? Surely there was some mistake! He stared in stunned silence. You know, he had secretly questioned Cindy’s sudden interest in religion. Could it be that she had felt compelled to go to church because of some unrepented sin in her life? Since their daughter had started kindergarten, she had the afternoons free every day. He had known she was restless and bored. Could she possibly have had an affair? He couldn’t think of any other explanation. He remembered how much time she seemed to spend talking to her new minister. He’d heard of women falling in love with their ministers or therapists. He should have paid more attention to her. Or could it be because she wasn’t baptized? She hadn’t been raised in church and hadn’t been through all that. She had mentioned counseling for baptism, although he had told her that he wasn’t convinced it was necessary. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe he could have saved her. Tears welled up in his eyes as he realized that he might never see her again. He raised his hands and waved frantically at her, but she didn’t see him, and soon she disappeared out of the massive room.

Sobered and saddened, he turned back towards the front of the room, to the throne of God. What would happen next? It looked as though it was his sides’ turn. Funny that God still looked down upon them with such a stern, sorrowful look. Was he still thinking about the group that had left? Suddenly, the voice of an archangel boomed out, this time so loud that he could clearly hear it over the racket.

“I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God, and the books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the book of life, and the dead were judged out of those books, out of the things that were written in them, every man according to his works.”

Okay. That didn’t sound too promising. He stood there, something nagging him. His mind reeled, trying to figure out what was wrong. Something about the right-handed side. To whose right hand did it refer? He stood with his hands held up at his side, facing the throne, perplexed. He turned around with his back to the throne, and then spun back around to face God. My right hand? God’s right hand? Well, he figured that he’d know for sure soon enough. He wished he’d paid better attention in Sunday school. Oh, crap. This could be bad. This could be very, very bad.