Ace in the Hole: An Epilepsy Story

Oh man do I have a pounding headache, and that bright light sure as hell isn’t helping my situation either. Wait a minute; why am I lying down on the floor? Why does my head hurt? And where the hell am I? With the feeling of a trickle of blood oozing from my forehead, I know what happened; another grand mal. Damn it, I thought, I’ll never be able to beat this vexing disorder. In case you don’t know what a grand mal is; a grand mal or a tonic-clonic seizure is the most commonly perceived type of seizure. It is characterized by violent and sometimes dangerous spasms, loss of consciousness, and sometimes loss of the control of your bladder or bowls (I’ve never lost my control of my bowls yet; knock on wood).

So here’s what happened with my recent seizure; or what I was told what happened. I started going through a petit mal or an absence seizure. An absence seizure isn’t anything for anyone to be afraid of. An absence seizure is sudden and unprovoked session of zoning out. After around 5 seconds of this I started getting jolts or a few brief muscle jumps or jerks and then I’m back to normal; which does occur a few times a week. These kinds of seizures are known as myoclonic seizures; however, myoclonic seizures are a temporary instance. Then the dreaded grand mal hit; I went unconscious and fell dead weight to the ground, smacking my head against pavement and receiving a concussion, one hell of a mark and gash on my forehead, and a chewed up mouth which, even though it sounds weird, is the worst of all of them; at least to me it is.

Everything isn’t so bad about epilepsy, however. Having epilepsy can actually be a trump card or an ace in the hole, if you will. If I want to get out of something, “I had a seizure”. If I don’t want to show up to my fourth-cousin’s, of whom I’ve never even met graduation. If I forget to wish my aunt and uncle a happy anniversary, “I was way to disoriented after my seizure to remember anything”; well you get the point. As depraved as it sounds, I could use this excuse on a regular basis if I want to, however, that’s where my ethics and morals come into play. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror if I took advantage of my disorder to that extent. I’m not saying I’ve never used my “trump card” to my advantage before; I’m saying I reserve it for real emergencies and on rare occasions.

So, to every person with epilepsy, just as well as someone with any other disorder for that matter, I urge you to find your “ace in the hole”. It may sound kind of corny, but when life gives you tainted lemons, find, with all of your might, a way to make some kickass lemonade. I’m proud to say that I’ve found the perfect recipe for success regardless of my situation. I currently use and will always use all disability services and perks including free tutoring, special rights to withdraw from the semester, grants, and scholarships. I can honestly say that thanks to my disability, I am certainly doing much better in college, and in life itself, than I would be if I didn’t have epilepsy. I am confident that my disorder and I can thrive together and help me become an overall positive and successful person in American society. So for all of you who were given some tainted lemons, like me, get out there and do everything you can to make some kickass lemonade.