Farewell

dear father and mother
as i watched you making his last bed
putting clumps of earth between his side
and another for him to kiss the world goodbye
i stared listless
looking at an empty space
its hollow devoid
of any emotions

i have dammed my sorrow for the last 30 hours
i have to
for the sake of the team
they were devastated
if i was to join them
his body would still be in zambales

dear father and mother
please take solace that he was not alone
when he left us
we were there with him all the while
even when he laid cold on the trolley in the morgue
we were sitting around him
we wanted him to know that we are not leaving
not me..not in my tour of duty

as he laid on the stretcher
then van took him to manila
i was with him ..alone sitting with him
i did nt leave him alone
i want him to know that theres always someone beside him
i didnt shed a tears

dear father and mother
i went to father instead for a salam
i hugged him
like yearning for a father's hug
i tucked myself in his embrace
and tried to whisper to you father
my voice choked
i couldnt say it without letting go of my emotion
i cried in your arms
holding you tight
i tried whispering again
'never a moment we left him alone..we are always with him'..
please forgive me
you cried with me father
holding me tight
and petting my back
i just let my tears flows
a huge burden lifted from me
you told me
dont stop doing what you are doing
i wnt father i wnt

i stood under that tree
my eyes wild like looking for something
there is still something i need to do

dear mother
i walked to you
my body still aching
banging my body on the metal frame
while we were rushing him to the hospital
my knees pricking with pain
i was at his head giving him precious breathe
his eyes fixed
lifeless bt straight at me
like a script to be read when it is time
i kept whispering to him
u can do it buddy
u can do it

my steps were slow
im trying to find the words
we met under the shadow of that thin tree
but its like an umbrella shading us from the heat of the sun
i touched your hand
it was cool...so comforting
i just hugged you
it took me few minutes among the chokes for me to say
he always say about u mother
he always did
u said he didnt call you
he didnt say anything
is he always busy
no mother
he always talked about you
he always does
forgive me mother
that i have send him back in a casket
but he always talked about you
makcik redha makcik redha
please let him go makcik
please redha

i think about my mother

she gave me life
in her pain and crying i was born

now im facing with a mother
through her pain and crying
shes sending him back to the Creator

May you rest in peace my fren....

(-was written on 2nd september 2009.)