NaNorWriMo 2009: The Oneironauts Part 3

Continued from part 2 due to lame file size limitations.





         “No, no, come back… pretty… ah… cold, no, map…” He tossed out jumbled words as he rose from sleep and finally opened his eyes. “Map,” he said, sitting up. “I have it. I know where we need to go.”

         “Excellent,” said Lorelai, “We will be on our way and get to dragon first. They do not have map.”

         “Now are you glad you brought this old potions master?” he said.

         “Perhaps. If you were not so drugged.”

         “I’m not taking drugs that much!”

         “You take the black mooch all day. You are always on drugs.”

         “Balderdash. That stuff doesn’t even count. It’s weak, just lightens my step…”

         “Shut yourself. We go.”

         “What? No gratitude? Not just a little ‘Thank you, Nivek, for saving us from dying in a maze made out of shit.’ Not even that? Too much thought towards someone other than yourself? Kindness give you a headache, my domineering queen? Politeness cause migraines?”

         She didn’t respond, and walked around the corner into the next hall of the labyrinth. When Nivek rounded the corner he saw the dead cat lying on the ground with an arrow stuck in its heart. He paid it little attention until Eliot bent down to retrieve the arrow.

         “You kill that?”

         “Yes,” said Eliot.

         “Christ, you really do hate cats.”

         “Hey! No I don’t, it just moved and I…”

         “Blah blah blah, excuses all you want, boy, but I believe that’s, let’s see… thirty-seven for you.”

         “But!”

         “Eh!” he cut him off. They turned the next corner to find a decision between left and right, “Here we go,” he thought for a moment, “Right.”

         “This better not be guess,” said Lorelai.

         “Trust me,” he said, “as long as trust isn’t another human quality that escapes you.”

         They wandered on, the storm still raging overhead. The maze smelt of dead things, likely because the decaying animals were the most acrid objects to have been dropped by the wizards, and their corpses had become a rotting mortar in the walls for many days now. At every intersection Nivek paused for three seconds of thought and then called out a direction, the party then traveled that way, Lorelai in the lead, ready with her shining, two handed blade.

         They turned a corner to find themselves in a passage a good two hundred meters long, it sunk back into the distance, shrinking from perspective. Walking the long path gave a strange, alien feeling.

         “Woah,” said Eliot.

         “We go straight down this,” said Nivek, referencing the map in his mind.

         A chilling wind blew down the long path. The straight opening gave them a good view of the sky, which looked almost purple behind the swirling clouds. They knew that it couldn’t possibly be past four, but the sky gave no orientation as to the time of day. All light seemed to have an eerie, magical quality to it.

         Step. Step. Step. Down the passage. The wind stopped. The silence was fragile and threatening. They stepped lightly, slowly, carefully. Lorelai held out an arm.

         They stopped. A noise. Footsteps, far away, echoing down to them from the far end of the passage.

         “Minotaur,” whispered Eliot.

         They held their breaths, expecting any second for some beast or demon to round the corner, and observe them with hungry eyes.

         A shadow on the far wall… then, movement, into the light, they tensed…

         “It’s a…”

         “Cow,” said Eliot.

         “Aw, look at that,” said Nivek, loosening his guard, “Nothing at all guys. Just a cow. Ha! Follishness. Wizard’s folly is what it is. A cow!”

         The animal walked slowly towards them, calm, steady, but walking without hesitation. It approached.

         “I… I don’t like this…” said Eliot.

         “Wait,” said Lorelai, “slowly.” She motioned forward with her fingers. They began creeping forward.

         Inch by inch the cow and the travelers approached each other. The cow, a dirty white of the Brahman variety. It had a coconut sized hump on its back, and a large flap of extra skin on its neck. Flapping slowly, back and forth, back and forth, with every step.

         Nivek grimaced, staring down the cow, a knife in grasp.

         The cow watched back. Emotionless. Flapping.

         Lorelai gritted her teeth, a tight grip on her blade.

         Stepping and flapping. A merciless approach.

         Eliot tightened his bow string, ready to spear the beast’s head.

         The beast gave it no thought. Fearless. Flapping. Breathing heavily.

         Closer. Closer. A face off. Cow and man. Step by step. Eye’s unmoving.

         The wind started again, blowing back Eliot’s hood and throwing back Nivek’s dirty black mane.

         The beast’s tale swished side to side. Flapping. Swishing. Breathing.

         “I think,” whispered Eliot, “That this is the cow I told to turn back.”

         “That’s total bullshit and you know it,” hissed Nivek.

         “No! Really, I’m serious,” Eliot continued.

         “Quiet!” said Lorelai.

         They were close now, ten feet away. And the cow stopped. And breathed.

         The travelers stopped. And stared.

         “What now?” said Eliot.

         No one said anything, as no one had any idea. It was certainly a terrifying cow.

         “I kill it?” suggested Lorelai, but she didn’t take any immediate action. When nothing else seemed to be decided, she took the only action that came to mind. Lorelai took a step forward, lifting her sword.

         “Good afternoon,” said a deep, male voice.

         All three yelped, jumping backwards.

         “D-D-Did it speak?” said Eliot.

         “I am a cow,” continued the voice.

         “Eek!” exclaimed the healer.

         “An ugly cow,” said Nivek.

         “Harsh words. I am of the Brahman variety of cattle. Perhaps we are not the prettiest of beasts, but I was not always like this.”

         “Should I kill you?” said Lorelai.

         “I would prefer otherwise. I am a cow.”

         “Oh,” she said, lowering her sword, “I realize you are a cow.”

         “That is because I am, in fact, a cow.”

         “Yes,” said Nivek, “We get that part. Now, will you move out of the way or something?”

         “I am a cow.”

         “I understand that you are a bloody ugly cow! Now move, or we will kill you!”

         “I am a cow.” It repeated in the same, deep voice.

         “Maybe it’s a riddle or something,” said Eliot, “What is a cow, that says it is a cow?” he said pensively, with a hand to his chin.

         “A bloody cow, you idiot!” roared Nivek. “Lorelai, just kill it.”

         “Fine.” She moved in again, ready to decapitate the beast. But as soon as she prepared to swing, there was a flash of light, and she suddenly found, with her blade arched above his head, a bearded soldier in ancient, rusty armor.

         “Hello,” he said, smiling, “I am a cow.”

         “No, you are not,” said Nivek.

         “That is because I am not a cow,” said the soldier.

         Nivek roared in frustration. He yelled, pulling everyone back from the man. “That’s it! I am sick of these magic tricks. I hate mages and their foolishness! This is all,” he reached into his cloak, “so,” he retrieved a bauble of orange fluid, “bloody,” he arched back his arm, “fucking!” he heaved the orb at the soldier, and it shattered into the ground at his feet, “insane!” A fiery ripping noise deafened the travelers, all three were thrown to their backs by the force of a powerful explosion in the area of the soldier. Smoke flooded the hall, a ball of fire lit up around the former cow.

         Once thrown down Nivek and everyone patted themselves for burning clothing. They hacked and coughed at the clearing smoke. “Nivek!” roared Lorelai.

         “Oh shut up,” he said, “I just lost my temper a little bit.”

         “Drugged men should not have explosives!” she yelled.

         “I’m perfectly sober!” he yelled. The smoke was still so thick they could barely see each other, and the remains of the soldier, if there were any, could not be seen either.

         “I’m okay!” said Eliot, climbing to his feet, although he might as well have been speaking to himself. “An explosive personality, Nivek.”

         “Oh really?” he said, “I think I prefer cold and hateful, myself.”

         But their trouble was far from over.

         “I am a cow,” said the voice again, with exactly the same intonation.

         “Shit!” screamed Nivek.

         “Hold it,” said Lorelai, “Look, it is behind us now.”

         Nivek and Eliot, jumped, scrambling away from the large, black silhouette of the beast only two feet away from them.

         “How did it get there!” said Eliot, “Nearly gave me a heart attack.”

         “Walk away slowly,” said Lorelai. They rose all the way to their feet and did just that. They all backed up down the long hall, now in the direction that they desired. But with every step, the cow followed, maintaining its distance, getting no closer, and no farther.

         “Okay,” said Lorelai, “Now we run!”

         Feeling in complete agreement with the suggestion everyone turned and booked it, moving away from the beast as fast as they could. The straight path made it easy to sprint. Nivek, however had some difficulty in moving quickly, again because of his well-stuffed clothing. Nevertheless, it seemed as fast as they went it mattered not, because the cow would catch them, maintaining it’s distance perfectly. And as soon as they stopped, giving up the endeavor, the beast would repeat it’s line.

         “I am a cow.”

         “Fuck!” said Nivek, panting. “Lorelai, stab the damn thing!”

         “I’ll do one better,” she said, again ready to decapitate it, but as she brought her sword down in a mighty swing, there was again a great flash, and her blade was met with that of the soldier’s, in perfect fighting form.

         “Please,” he said in his deep voice, “I am a cow, and I only want to find my way out of this maze. I must graze so that the Teogian’s will win the war.”

         Lorelai said, “It seems we have no…”

         “I am a cow,” it interrupted.

         “Shut yourself!” she commanded. “It seems we have no choice,” she finished, “Regrettably.”

         “Bloody hell,” said Nivek, “Let’s go, it’s this way, he pointed to the left.”

         The tedious pathfinding continued, walking and turning through what seemed like endless, identical halls. Nivek paused to consort with his memory-map at every intersection. The journey was so repetitive, and the cow following them so disconcerting and annoying, that Lorelai and Nivek had taken to sighing and groaning almost constantly, and Nivek had was sucking cork after cork of black mooch.

         “If it truly does lighten your step, Nivek, then you surely must be floating by now,” said Eliot.

         “Shut up, infant.”

         Eliot, finding his human companions uncivil, decided instead to speak with the cow.

         “So, beast, what are you exactly?”

         “I am a cow.”

         “Oh! A cow are you. How interesting. And how are you feeling today?”

         “I am a cow.”

         “Oh, well that’s a nasty thing to say about yourself. Really, you aren’t that fat. Could probably shave a few pounds or two around the middle, but certainly you’re a healthy woman.”

         “I am a cow.”

         “Now, now! Don’t be so hard on yourself. What did you eat today then?”

         “I am a cow.”

         “What? You ate a cow? An entire cow? Well, no wonder you’re feeling like a glutten! Probably a little canabalistic too, no doubt! Is that socially acceptable among cows? Eating each other, because I tell you, us people frown upon that sort of thing.”

         “I am a cow.”

         “We do eat cows though. We eat lots of cows. I had a cow named Ginny last week, tasty lass. Knew her did you?”

         Sometime later Nivek stopped the group. “There are two things I would like to point out,” he said, “the first is that although the lighting in this maze is deceiving, I feel that it is likely around dusk now. Night will soon be upon us, if it isn’t already.”

         “Magic changes at night,” said Lorelai.

         “Yes, exactly,” said Nivek, “we may need to sleep, but doing so in this magical shit storm makes me very bothered. We should avoid it if we can.”

         “I don’t think I could sleep here as it is,” said Eliot, “I’m too nervous to sleep.”

         “Yes, well, the second thing I’d like to point out is that I believe we are nearing the center of the labyrinth.”

         “I see,” said Lorelai, nodding.

         “Indeed. From the map of the place I retrieved from the dream world, it would appear the center is a large circular clearing, and we must pass through it. I have a maggoty feeling about that space. Seems to me a perfect spot for wizards’ treachery.”

         “So what do we do?” said Eliot. A chill gust swept by them again, stealing away even the bleakest sense of comfort with its icy fingers. The cow repeated its line. Its recitation was quite well blocked out of their heads by now. It spoke for itself; a freakish reassurance as to its own nature, as if the beast would cease to exist or become a tree if it didn’t shape itself with the preconception associated with its words. In fact, strange enough, because it turned into that soldier, it would appear that the cow, despite its incessant claims, was indeed not a cow, but an enchanted man.

         “We push through,” said Lorelai. “We do not want to sleep. We need speed. And we don’t want to cross circle late at night. Yes?”

         “Well, what if we wait until morning when we’re sure it’s nice and bright out and there’s no night magic about. You know, just a thought,” said Eliot.

         “You want to sleep with cow staring at you?” said Lorelai.

         “You have a point there…” said Eliot, glancing at the cow suspiciously.

         “Then we push on,” said Nivek, “And as quick as possible if we can. The darkness approaches fast.”

         Nivek picked up the pace, moving many of the potions around his legs into a small satchel. He claimed to be preparing himself. Many of the potions he placed in the bag were that same fiery orange, and others were red, and others a smoky black. It was a hostile collection, ready to aid in a tough fight on a moment’s notice. Lorelai inquired impatiently as to how far they were from the center, but Nivek could only reply, “Not far now,” again and again.

         With one final turn the their twisting prison opened up before them. They stood at the entrance to a grand clearing, a circle a hundred yards in diameter. The openness of the space was shocking yet refreshing after the many hours in the narrow passages of the labyrinth. In the distance, on the other side of the expanse, was another opening back into the maze. However, there path was not perfectly clear. In the center of the circle there lay a figure. It appeared to be a man lying on a stone pedestal, possibly dead, possibly tied down, possibly dangerous, there was no way to tell. Standing nearby beside him was a cow that looked exactly like the one that followed them.

         Lorelai hesitated to take that one step into the clearing, hesitating at the barrier of the maze. But she did it. A boot came down on the field, and nothing happened. So they followed, walking slowly into the open, free but vulnerable, scanning the area for any anomaly, anything that may be a threat. The cow continued to follow out into the open. It maintained the same distance of six feet from the party.

         The ground was of the ordinary grass of the grazing fields that they had been traveling through, however it was well trampled and churned, bringing up a sticky, slippery mud. The question was; what had trampled it?

         Nivek pulled an orange bauble from his bag and motioned for them to follow him towards the figure lying in the center if the clearing. They crept forward until it was clear that the figure was a man. He was wearing a heavy set of knightly armor. It was still impossible to know the state of his breathing, so Nivek made to find out.

         “You there! Wake up! We’re walking towards you. Say something, because one false move and I’ll blow you to hell!”

         No response.

         “Must be dead,” said Lorelai.

         “Not to mean any disrespect to the poor guy, but really I’m quite glad,” said Eliot.

         “No, no,” said Nivek, “You have it all wrong. A dead body is bad all around. Because that means something much worse killed him.”

         “Oh!” he said, clutching his bow.

         “He has a cow too,” said Nivek, “The annoying beasts must be the wizard’s doing. A part of the maze.”

         They closed in on the man. It was true that they could have gone completely around, following the walls of the circle, but curiosity drew them further, combined with a bit of a need to find out what killed the misfortunate stranger.

         They drew close enough to see the face, and finally, with a gasp, Eliot said, “It’s Sir Rodrick!”

         “Yes!” said Lorelai, relieved to be rid of some competition.

         “But what could have killed him?” said Nivek, approaching the body. “I don’t see any blood…”

         “Haha!” proclaimed the corpse, leaping to its feat. Sir Rodrick shot out a gauntlet-clad hand and clamped onto Nivek’s neck. In surprise Nivek dropped his grenade into the soft mud, where it stuck without breaking. Rodrick lifted Nivek up off of his feet with his single right hand. He gagged and flailed, uselessly trying to pry away Rodrick’s grip of death. “Me! Dead! Such fools you are!” He chuckled handsomely.

         “Bastard!” spit Lorelai, charging forward with her massive, two handed blade, she roared a fearsome battle cry.

         “Halt!” said Roderick, he had speedily draw a sword with his left hand, ready to defend himself. “If you attack me your friend here dies.”

         Meanwhile Eliot was sneaking as far to the right as he could, so he had a good, clear shot at Rodrick’s head without risking Nivek, or having Nivek thrown in the way. He was almost there, the shot was opening up, he aimed, pulled back slowly…

         “You, put down your bow, or it’s over for this smelly scoundrel here!”

         “Damn!” Eliot lowered his weapon.

         “He’s going to die now, he is blue! Put him down!”

         “Remember, we are not friends here!” said Rodrick, “I attempted to friend you, but you were all quite rude to me in my attempts at camaraderie, and thus, as punishment for your rash behavior I have proclaimed myself as your mortal enemy! You see, I do not take these things lightly. For I am the mighty Sir Rodrick!”

         “Get over yourself,” said Lorelai. “I will make you die with much pain.”

         “As your friend here is dying now? Hah Hah!”

         Nivek’s face was losing color quickly, only a thin stream of air could force itself through his throat, and he felt himself whistling for life. His arms would barely move now, but he had to try… he lifted his arm… so weak… muscles like loose rubber…

         “Wonder where the minotaur is?” he said mockingly, “Well, there’s no worry, I’ve already slain it! Single handedly, I may add.” He chuckled again.  “Now, what to do with you fools…”.

         “Sir Eliot!” said Lorelai, “Now is the time!”

         “Huh?” said Eliot.

         “Huh? Said Sir Rodrick.

         Then, while he was distracted, there was the sound of shattering glass and a great hissing noise. A thick, whispy cloud of black smoke rose up around Rodrick and Nivek. The two immediately began choking and coughing and hacking. Rodrick had no choice but to release his grasp around Nivek’s neck, who then collapsed to the ground, wheezing, barely able to breath in the smoke with his sore neck, Sir Rodrick quickly backed up out of the diseased air.

         “I am a cow,” said Rodrick’s Brahman.

         “I am a cow,” said the cow behind Lorelai.

         Twang. An arrow whistled through the air from Eliot’s bow and stuck into Rodrick’s plated arm. “What,” he coughed and sputtered, “I am sir Rodrick…” but he could barely speak, he tried to continue but the wheezing incapacitated him, leaving barely able to breath and completely unable to fight. Another arrow whizzed past his head barely missing “I, I…” More hacking, tears poured from his eyes.

         “That is right, you bastard!” said Lorelai, “Now I kill you!” Again she emitted a frightening roar, “Hyaaaa!” With her threathening blade raised and ready to cleave her opponent in two. Sir Rodrick saw it coming and realized that in his present coindition he stood no chance in any fight. He sheathed his blade, turned to the exit, and sprinted off. Lorelai attempted to catch him, but it was no use, even in his present condition sir Rodrick was incredibly fast. Even in his armor, leaving deep footprints and thundering with every step, in only a short while he was well out of reach and disappeared into the depths of the shit-walled labyrinth.

         Eliot ran over to Nivek who was struggling to breath on the ground. “Nivek!,” said Eliot, “That was brilliant! Brilliant! Breathe Nivek! Talk!” But Nivek could do nothing but retch, lying on his back, hands opening and closing as he struggled to pump air through his body.

         He managed to speak in a painful, hissing whisper, “Eliot, my pocket… above my heart… pink… vial, give it…” he ran out of air to speak with. His breathing was a hissing sound, with a pathetic cough. Eliot frantically searched the pockets of the cloak and eventually retrieved the thin, pink, luminescent vial. He pulled out its tiny cork and lifted up Nivek’s head.

         “Drink, Drink,” said Eliot.

         “Not, not…” Nivek was trying to speak but Eliot had already poured the vial into Nivek’s mouth and the liquid had ran down his throat. “No, ack, mn!” He gagged and sputtered in protest, but Eliot only realized something was wrong before it was too late. He panicked a little bit, but continued his medical procedure. He took both of his hands and placed both of them gently around Nivek’s neck. He closed his eyes. Sparks of electricity began to run down his arms. His fingers started to glow again, an ethereal blue. A ringing noise grew in intensity, Eliot grunted. The glowing was brighter and brighter, his hands were a white light. Then there was a flash and the magic in Eliot was released into Nivek’s flesh and his throat glowed, and just like that, his hissing breathing became a healthy, deep gasping for air. His crushed neck had been well repaired.

         “Fool!” he screamed at Eliot as soon as he had breath, “I tried to tell you, I tried to tell you!” He coughed, “You can’t give me that antitode, you don’t know it’s side effects! Bloody Hell!”

         “I-I-I-I’m sorry,” stammered Eliot.

         Lorelai returned with heavy steps and threw her helmet to the ground. “Rah!” she said, “I lost him!”

         “Not to worry,” said Eliot, “At least we made it out okay.”

         “Okay?” said Nivek, “You have no idea what’s about to happen. Quick, we have two minutes…” He began digging manicly through his various potions pulling out one, two, three, four different vials. He uncorked all and took drops of each, washing the flavor down with a swig from his flask.

         “What? What’s going to happen? This can’t possibly be that bad. You told me to give it to you!”

         Nivek through his hands on his face in frustration, growling. “You two,” he said, “Are going to have sixty seconds to…”

         “Oh – ah – eck – ugh – ” Eliot began upchucking like he was a cat passing a hairball. Then Lorelai was covering her nose.

         “The smell!” she said.

         Nivek sniffed and then heaved a bit himself, “Oh God,” he moaned, “It’s started.”

         Suddenly the air above the stone pedestal beside them began to shimmer. The shimmering grew stronger and more defined, a sparkling now, it began to gain a shape…

         Nivek was still seated on the ground, but Eliot and Lorelai, both with a hand over their mouths, gagging, walked away from the sparkling shape with wide eyes. Lorelai snached her helmet up off the ground.

         “Nivek,” said Lorelai, “We should go.”

         “Bloody shit cakes,” he said.

         Eliot then vomited and Lorelai began to jog away from the scene instead of walk.

         “Christ!” said Nivek, in the process of standing up and replacing potions to their pockets, “vomiting isn’t supposed to start until” he gagged at his own stench, “ten minutes in.”

         “This is the worst,” said Eliot, spitting out the vomit taste in his mouth, “smell I’ve ever…” he heaved, almost retching again.

         “Run!” screamed Lorelai, “The minotaur is respawning!”

         They looked and it suddenly became clear as to what the sparkling shape had been. The minotaur had been materializing, and it was almost complete. The two men ran away from the pedestal as fast as they possibly could while still retching and gagging from the smell. The creature was shaped like a man, but ten feet tall with an immensely muscular frame. Its shoulders and head were all covered in a course fur, and its head was that of a bull, with long, twisted, demonic horns. It stood frozen, snarling, and translucent.

         They sprinted for the door to the next part of the maze, the one that Rodrick had fled through only minutes earlier. Lorelai and Eliot ran just as much from the spawning minotaur as they did from Nivek’s stench, who, as he ran slower, would have appeared to an onlooker to be chasing them. The cow trailed, as always, six feet behind Nivek.

         Just as Lorelai passé dthrough the door an unearthly roar shook the very walls of the labyrinth. Eliot screeched. Nivek yelled in frustration, running as fast as he could. He was now sweating profusely from his overdose. “God, bloody, fuck, damn, shit, motherfucker, hell,” said Nivek as he sprinted for the doorway.

         Another roar from the beast.

         “I am a cow.”

         A thud shook the earth.

         Thud.

         Thud.

         Thud. Thud.

         Thud, Thud, Thud

         ThudThudThudThudThudThud…

         The “thud”s became closer and closer together, louder and louder. Nivek daren’t look behind him. Eliot was through the door now. The beast’s heavy bull-like breathing was like thunder.

         “I am a cow,” said the cow.

         Nivek continued to cuss, struggling to gain speed. He reached into his bag and retrieved another explosive bauble. He turned around and chucked it with as much strength as he could muster. His quick glimpse of the beast shook his very soul with fright. It was getting far too close. Then: FAABOOOOOM. The chemical grenade ignited, and smoke, fire and dirt flooded the sky. The minotaur released a painful, bone-rattleing roar. Finally, Nivek made it back into the labyrinth. For a moment he could hear no giant footsteps. Lorelai and Eliot stood waiting at the next turn, urging him forward frantically.

         “Which way!” yelled Lorelai.

         “Yag!” yelled Nivek, “Wait!”

         Boom.

         Thud.

         Thud.

         Thud, thud…

         The beast was on its feet again. A thunderous breathing. A chilling growl.

         Nivek caught up to his companions who immediately covered their mouths in disgust. “It’s… uh…mm…ahh…it’s… left. Go left.” And they did. Quickly turning.

         There was a tremendous crash as the Minotaur entered the labyrinth.

         Thud, thud, thud, thud. As he progressed.

         “We have to lose him!” said Eliot.

         “I am a cow,” said the Brahman.

         They reached the next intersection. “Right,” said Nivek.

         But just before they could start going Lorelai was forced to stop from heaving. Sure enough, she spewed onto a cradle jutting out of the wall of the maze.

         “Oh, he-UGH…” said Eliot, who then began to vomit himself.

         “No!” screamed Nivek, “God, blast, fuck!” He grabbed a companion in each hand, yanking them forward, “Throw up on yourselves! We’re running!”

         Another menacing roar nearby. They took another left. Lorelai, water streaming from her eyes, green from the stench, said, “Nivek… we must split… if stick together… we all die.”

         “I don’t...” started Eliot.

         “There’s no time!” said Nivek. “Err!” He howled in frustration, almost taking all three to the left, almost sending them to the left and him to the right, himself to the right and them to the left, but so little time…

         “Do something!” screamed Lorelai.

         “Fuck!” he said.

         He threw his head forward, letting his long black hair cover his face. He slowly rose his head back level, but his grimace and gritting teeth were gone. And in there place was a snarling grin. At this point, some seriously legit metal music would be completely appropriate. Nivek said, “It’s time to get down to business.” He rolled up the sleeves of his cloak. Reached into his bag, pulled out two more chemical grenades, and he turned around, wakling back towards the snarls.

         “Wait,” said Eliot, “Nivek? Nivek what are you doing?”

         “You…” started Lorelai, before she started retching again.

         “Leave it to me,” said Nivek. He tossed the explosive bauble up and down in his hand and said with psychotic fervor, “I’ve got it covered.”

         A tremendous SMASH, and from out of no-where the minotaur stood again in their path. It saw Nivek, puffed hot air from its naustrils, red eyes burned, it scuffed its massive hooved foot against the ground. It roared, and the power of its presence caused Nivek’s          cloak to flutter in the wind. Nivek said, “I’m the Oneironaut, bitch, and I’ve come to give you nightmares”

         The beast was already charred from the previous explosives, but it had done minimal damage overall.

         Thud. Thud.

         It approached.

         “Here we go,” said Nivek. He arched back his arm, aimed, and chucked.

         FWABOOM.

         A massive explosion. Smoke obscured the beast.

         Thud. Thud. Thud.

         It continued coming closer.

         “I’m not done yet,” said Nivek. He took his other bauble. Prepared. “Hya!” And chucked it.

         FAABOOOM.

         Another shattering explosion. The beast rooaared; a deep, deep, furious, pained roar.

         Thud-Shuff. Thud-Shuff. Thud-Shuff.

         It approached, again emerging from the smoke. The explosion had torn away the flesh on it’s right leg. Black blood oozed onto the ground. The creature limped, but the fire in its eyes only burned deeper and brighter. Thick globs of drool fell from its bull head. It snaaarled.

         Nivek looked through his bag. He had one more. “Allright,” he said, “Let’s do this.”

         Thud-Shuff. Thud-Shuff. Thud-Shuff.

         Nivek held the bauble in his hand. He worried it would explode from the mere shaking of his arm.

         “Cripple it, Nivek!” yelled Lorelai.

         Nivek heard her. He arched back his arm and aimed for that same bleeding leg. If he could just stop it from being able to follow them – that would be good enough. “Die, beast!” yelled Nivek. And he hurled his last explosive at the creature’s leg. The bomb spun through the air, the fiery orange liquid tumbling inside. The glass shattered just at the demon’s foot. And… nothing.

         Nivek waited. The beast paused, and then roared even louder than before. So loud that Nivek was forced to step back. “No explosion,” he muttered to himself, shocked out of his psychotic confidence. “Shit.” He turned and started to run away. Eliot and Lorelai did the same, quickly disappearing around the corner.

         Thud-Shuff. Thud-Shuff. Thud-Shuff.

         Nivek ran. He was inches from the corner. But then, with a terrifying growl, the minotaur swept a powerful arm into the wall of the labyrinth. Debris was blasted in Nivek’s direction like projectiles. A fat watermelon rocketed through the air and bashed into the side of Nivek’s headed, throwing him to the ground. The beast roared in victory. Thud-Shuff. Thud-Shuff. And in moments was at Nivek’s side. It leaned in close to it’s victim.

         It opened its dripping jaws above Nivek’s head, “HWRRAAAAHGHHGHGHWWW!”

         The stench of its breath made Nivek want to vomit, along with the dizziness. As his head began to clear, he tried to rise to his feet. The minotaur was about to take its massive hand and crush him into the ground. But then –

         “Ughtchwa. Ughtchweaa.” The beast started making horrendous sounds. It staggered a little bit. Misstepping, almost landing on Nivek. Then, with one final, squelching, ripping, roaring, splurching burst of fluid, the beast vomited gallons of blood and partially digested raw meat along with oily, green stomach fluid all over Nivek. The Oneironaut was drenched in it. His face. His chest. His clothes. His legs. The vomiting lasted a good ten seconds until the final slimey strands of gorey puke had dripped onto Nivek’s chest.

         Then, with a familiar battle cry, Lorelai ran up, both hands grasping her sword with the blade pointed down, she leaped, and then jammed it pointing down straight through the minotaurs skull. The deathly scream only lasted for a second as its brain was mashed in two. And now, with its own black blood pouring from its mouth, it stumbled and collapsed with a satisfying and final –

         Thud.

          – to the ground.







Chapter 8



The extreme metal music faded away to an orchestral theme of victory, and then that too faded out, and what remained was a mystical haunting melody, fitting for the dark halls of the labyrinth. Nivek lay on the ground coated thickly in minotaur vomit, which, combined with his own stench from the overdose made him completely impossible to approach. Lorelai and Eliot, their stomachs empty already, remained a good fifty feet away from him so as to save themselves from any further misery. Yet, even at that distance the smell was quite potent and uncomfortable.

         Nivek moaned on the ground, sprawled on his back. He slowly rose to his feet, his arms held out in disgust. Not wanting to touch himself even, though with every part of him covered with bloody stomach juices he could really get no worse.

         Eliot yelled out, “Nivek! Fantastic! Incredible! Lorelai too! I can’t believe we’re alive. I-I can’t believe I’m alive!”

         “Hmph,” said Lorelai.

         Nivek continued moaning, “Oahh… Uahh… Digusting. Bloody Hell. I can’t believe I‘m not vomiting right now. Uahhh, my clothes. Where’s a fire when you need one so I can fall in it and rid the world of this disgusting mess.”

         Nivek staggered to his feet, dripping. He stood there, arms still out at sides so as not to make contact with his soggy cloak. His face wass stuck in a perpetual twisted expression of digust. There was nothing to say at this time. He could only stare ahead and think about how miserable he was. Similarly, Lorelai and Eliot, also feeling terrible from so much vomiting, they too simply stood there and stared at Nivek, and stared at the corpse of the minotaur. “What to do next?” The question hung soggy in the air.

         The magical storm raged on. Swirling, crackling, raining random objects. This entire time, objects had indeed been falling, however the wizard’s wards were very effective and made it all rather irrelevant. Additionally, whenever something fell in the labyrinth it was immediately sucked up into the walls. Becoming a part of the structure, helping it perpetually grow bigger and bigger.

         “I am a cow,” said the cow, demanding that all present recognize its presence.

         “I hate cows,” said Nivek. He had just discovered this. Previously he had assumed that his hatred was only associated with humans. But he was now quite certain. He hated cows as well.

         “Well,” said Lorelai, “We go.”

         Nivek moaned. “I don’t want to. I want to take some razcha. I don’t want to live right now. I can’t sleep. I can’t move. I don’t want to let this vomit-soaked clothing rub against my skin for another minute. Shitcakes.”

         “We must go,” said Lorelai, “There is no other option.”

         He moaned again, took one step forward. Lorelai and Eliot took one step back. Well this isn’t going to work,” said Nivek. “You won’t even come near me.”

         “Fine,” said Lorelai, “You go ahead of us, and we’ll… uh… follow.”

         “How will you follow me?”

         “Well, uh,” said Eliot, “Trust me when I say that it’s not hard to know exactly where you are at any given time right now Nivek, if you know what I mean. Let’s just say, I’ll follow the sensation of vomiting.”

         “Oh,” he said, “Superb.”

         He took another step forward and they took another step back.

         “I am a cow,” said the cow. They ignored it.

         “Why don’t we move down this path a ways, to the right, and then you can get ahead of us. Then we’ll follow you.”

         “Whatever,” said Nivek, “As if I cared to live at the moment.”

         “Don’t be too miserable,” said Eliot, “You are a hero you know.”

         “Hero!” he scoffed. “I’m a dreamer.

         They followed through with their plan. Nivek led the way. His companions followed his stench with relative ease. Like this they traveled through the labyrinth. It was certainly night time by then, but fortunately the labyrinth had few other tricks within its shitty walls.

         As they journeyed they gew incredibly weary. It had been a long time without sleep and an intense day. Nivek was certain he had some kin dof head injury from the watermelon. However, Nivek’s helaing abilities were out of the question, for whenever he approached Nivek he started gagging. Nevertheless, they pushed on and pushed on and the cow followed behind. Several hours later, at long last, Nivek entered a long hall with no turn at the end of it, but instead a massive, wooden door. A lot of the blood and vomit on his clothing had dried by that time, making his cloak and shirt very stiff, smelly, and in some places crusty. He assumed that by daylight the effects of the overdose would wear off and he would cease being the bane of all olfactory creatures to approach him.

         “Yes!” he cried out, “Lorelai! Eliot! This is it! We’re here!”

         Nivek heard their running steps and they then appeared in the doorway next to him. They both covered their noses and mouths with their hands, motioning for him to go down to the door to keep his distance. He left a good fifty foot space between them.

         “I am a cow,” said the cow.

         “Well,” said Eliot, “Open the door.”

         “Okay,” said Nivek. He walked up to it. Ceremoniously placed his hand on the handle. And turned it. But he found to his extreme dismay that the door was locked. “Bloody fucker!” he yelled.

         “Oh,” said Eliot, in a horribly depressing voice, “It’s locked isn’t it.”

         “Treachery,” said Lorelai under her breath.

         “Can you blow it up?” asked Eliot.

         “I’m out of explosives.”

         “Can… you cut it down, Lorelai?”

         “I can try. But the wizards would not make easy.”

         She stepped up, unsheathed her sword, took a strong stance, and swung with all her might. Despite the door being made from a fine-grained wood, the sword indeed just bounced off. The steel vibrated in her hand. “Huh,” she grunted, “Like I said.”

         “I swear to God,” said Nivek, “Five more minutes in this bloody labyrinth and I’m taking razcha. I’ll past out in this very spot. Die here if I have to. Drink the whole thing of razcha. Bloody hell.”

         Lorelai and Eliot stood in morose silence, staring at the ground.

         “I am a cow,” said the cow.

         Eliot looked up. “You are a cow,” he said.

         “I am a cow.”

         “But you are not really a cow?”

         “I am a cow.”

         “But I know you are not a cow, really.”

         “I am a cow.”

         “But you… you are a soldier from that ancient war.”

         “I am a cow.”

         “Wait,” said Lorelai, “I know how to do this.” She took her sword again charged at the beast, ready to run it through with her blade. Once again, there was a great flash and her sword was parlayed by an ancient soldier in rusted armor with a beard and a gruff voice.

         “I am a cow,” he said.

         “Cow,” said Eliot, “I want to set you free.”

         “Free?” said the soldier.

         “Yes,” said Eliot, “All you have to do is go out that door.”

         The soldier said, with the same words he used before. “I am a cow, and I only want to find my way out of this maze. I must graze so that the Teogian’s will win the war.”

         “Exactly!’ said Eliot. “Go outside that door, and there will be fields, and beautiful grass and… and… fields! That you can graze in, and… other cows to frolick with. And then… win some kind of war… definitely!”

         The soldier stared at him. “I am a cow,” he said. And then he paused. Nivek was ready to curse again, but then, the soldier turned. With creaky, rusty steps he plodded his way up to the great wooden door, placed his hand on the knob, and there was magic. The handle and his gauntlet glowed with the same moonlight that Eliot’s hands did when he used his healing magic, and with a twist and a pull, the door creaked, and just like that, the door was open.

         With a blinding flash the soldier again turned into a cow and walked through the door.

         “I am a cow,” it said.

         “I am a cow,” it repeated in the distance. The three travelers listened to the cused soldier repeat itself as wandered off into the night.

         Nivek stepped into the doorway, wide eyes filled with desire. “Ohh,” he said, “Finally! Let there be a lake.” He passed through, and maintaining the fifty feet of separation Lorelai and Eliot did the same. Outside the walls, they felt immensely free. In front of them lay the final stretch of the great plains, and then right there, rising up into jagged hills and then into rocky peaks, sat the mountains, waiting to be conquered.

         “Look,” said Lorelai, “The sky.” Indeed, following her gaze, the purple, swirling clouds of the magical storm ceased and there emerged the starry night sky. The fields here were littered somewhat with fallen objects, but relatively few compared to what they had passed before.

         They began walking forward, side-by-side in a line, only there was a substantial gap between Nivek and the other two. They yelled back and forth when they spoke.

         “I think I’ll miss that cow,” said Eliot.

         “Hell no. I won’t,” said Nivek.

         “Not me,” said Lorelai.

         Eliot pointed. “That hill there. Beneath the tree. Should we sleep? It looks to be just out from under the cloud.”

         “I like that idea,” said Nivek. “Just a little drugs here and there, and I might actually be able to close my eyes against this stench.”

         “Yes,” said Lorelai, “Let’s sleep.”

         “I might aim my dreams a bit,” said Nivek, “and when I wake up I’ll know exactly where to go to wash up this mess a bit.”

         “Good plan,” said Lorelai.

         “Yes,” said Eliot, “I think washing sounds like a brilliant plan.”

         “Nivek,” said Lorelai, “We sleep and this hill,” she pointed, “You sleep on that hill.”

         They laughed.

         “I’ll sleep where I want,” said Nivek, “But perhaps that’s for the best.”