A Cold Night

I take a deep breath and inhale an obnoxious smoke that does nothing to warm me on this cold night. I pretend that the poison I am taking on purpose is beneficial to me. I pretend that this coffin nail really does help me relax as I wait for you to come back to me. I inhale more deeply at the thought of you driving out in the cold dark night by yourself, not sure if you will come back to me before daylight has come back to the world. I hang my head between drags and start to worry you wont come home at all. I do not know why we are fighting; only the fact that we are not together matters to me. Only your absence is keeping me awake and functioning. The inconsequential argument we were having is behind me, along with the temporary anger it brought with it. Now there is only silent worry and the constant acrid smoke filling my lungs. My ears are trained to the street in front of our house constantly straining to hear your brakes squeal ever so slightly as you enter the drive way. I wait for the sound that will be my salvation and the end of my worries. And then it happens I hear you pull up and my worries come to a halt, the muscles in my shoulders once taught, relax with blissful rapidity. And here I find my greatest weakness; my deepest and most indestructible reflex. You are my weak point; you are the thing that keeps me most on even footing with the rest of mankind. You open the back door and come outside to me and all I want to do is take you into my arms and forget this awful night but…I know it cannot be that way. We must discuss all that was said and do our best to reconcile our differences once again. You have come back to me and for that I cannot stay angry with you, and I am no longer angry and fighting so you have nothing push back against. In this way we are perfect for one another; me incapable of staying angry with you, and you, only interested in fixing what was broken. It is always in these moments that I feel we are destined to make this union work. Always in these moments that I come to realize what I might have been taking for granted. In this wonderful moment when I put out my burning distraction and take you back into my arms, I realize that this was just another fight in a long line to come. And I realize that there is nothing so important that I will ever stop loving you over it. “Till death do we part”, that was my vow, and I am determined and happy to keep it.