First Song in the Moring

First Song in the Morning
By
Lewis Clarke

I loved Saturday’s, it was my day off and I could do what I wanted; when I wanted, but today wasn’t like other Saturdays, Jill was going away to visit her mother. She was coming by my apartment on her way. I was up early preparing myself and tea. Jill loved tea. Sometimes I wondered if she got intoxicated by it. We had only known each other for six months and engaged to be married for half of that. Even though it was a short romance I had no misgivings about the decision. I didn’t feel it was forced upon me. It was our decision.
The door open without any knock and Jill walked in like she always did, dropped her purse in the usual place and came right to me. I was getting the tea cups out of the cabinet. I had one in each hand when she put her arm around my waist, stood on her tip toes and kissed my cheek. I was a stretch to reach my face because she was only five foot four. She leaned her head on my arm.
“Why don’t you come with me?”
“Sure, I will call the boss from your moms’ house on Monday and tell him I quit.”
“Why would you do that?” with that she pulled away from me and looked directly into my eyes.
“Because, he would fire me for not showing up.”
“I wish you weren’t so right all the time.”
Jill had large brown eyes that could hypnotize you or burn holes in you depending on what moved her at the moment. Black hair that shined like it was lacquered and full lips which were always covered in deep red lipstick. Even though she was stunning the relationship had quickly gone past a physical attraction. When I worried about where she was I wasn’t worried about other men. I was worried about her safety. I was worried that someone might hurt her. She was the most important thing that happened to me. I poured the hot water and slowly placed the pot back on the burner. I wanted to go with her. Then I could escape the anxiety that would be torturing me every moment she was gone, the uncertainty of every missed phone call, and everyone’s fear; the unknown.
Jill had already made her way to the table and was sitting in front of the sliding glass doors in the dining room. I followed with the tea and sat across the table from her and slid her cup to her.
“Do you remember all the things I asked you to do while I am gone?”
“Yes I do, I have a list.”
“Ok, get the list and let’s go over it.”
I reached into my shirt pocket and took out a piece of paper no bigger than a playing card. Each item was numbered on the small paper. There were twelve items starting with the mail and ending with feeding, Stewie, her cat. I handed the list to Jill for her inspection. She looked over the list carefully running her thumb down the edge of the paper as she mentally checked off each one.
“There are two things missing here” she looked at me with one of those serious stares.
“I wrote down everything you told me. What did I forget?”
“To kiss me when I leave and to kiss me when I get back.” She was smiling now and so was I. Just then the grandfather clock in the living room began to chime. I didn’t need to count the strikes. I knew what time it was and what it meant. It was 9 am and time for Jill to leave me and go to her mothers.
“Time for me to go.” She pushed her chair back and stood up. There was no smile on her face now and she avoided looking at me. The mood had suddenly turned solemn. She started towards the kitchen with her tea cup, but I intercepted her before she got there.
“Remember to call as soon as you get there, ok?”
“I will.” Her eyes started fill with tears. I felt an emptiness coming on, but it was the thought of her crying that really put a knot in my stomach. I took her in my arms and we embraced, tea cups in hand. I released my hold first and looked down into her eyes.
“The Lord watch between me and thee.” Jill smiled and walked to the door with me a couple of steps behind. We both dropped our cups on the counter as we passed. Mine slide towards hers and they touched. I thought it was appropriate.
Jill opened the door and turned around. She put her arms around my neck and we kissed. When she pulled away I asked.
“Thank you sir can I have another.” trying to sound as much like a army recruit as I could.
“You will have to order them in advance. How many would you like?”
“I’ll take a million and no cheap imitations please. I want the real thing”.
“That would be a cash deal, no checks.”
“Then the deal is off. I couldn’t even afford one. There isn’t that much money in the world.”
She was smiling again and that made me feel better. Jill walked to her car and went through her usual routine of putting her purse on the hood, digging for her keys and opening the door. She never had her keys ready even when she got to the door of her apartment. I watched her drive away and quickly closed the door and ran to the dining room window where we could see each other as she passed by. We both waved as she passed and I stood there in silence as her car disappeared behind a building. I glanced at the grandfather clock, 9:15 am. She should be there by 5:15 pm.

I began to wonder, as I did from time to time, why such a gorgeous woman would want anything to do with me. I wasn’t tall, five foot seven. Brown eyes, brown hair and an average build. I wasn’t handsome and I certainly wasn’t rich. Perhaps she thought I was smart. I never could figure it out and that made me uneasy at times.

There were plenty of chores for me. They were meant to keep my mind busy until Jill called to let me know she had arrived. I had everything planned. I would do the laundry first. That would take me to the laundry just a few doors away in my building. Once that was done I could spend the rest of the day cleaning and cooking. My laundry was already gathered and in baskets, to save time. I hurried down the sidewalk and into the brightly lit room. It wasn’t any different than any other laundry. The dryers and washers were lined up like soldiers waiting to do their duty. I was alone so I quickly dumped my whites into one washer and my dark clothes into another. I already had the coins in my pocket. I wanted this job done as fast as possible. I wanted to be by the phone in case she called. I pushed the coins into the slots and started the machines on their task. I knew that it would take about twenty five minutes to complete the wash so I looked at my watch and made my way back to my apartment. In my rush to the laundry I hadn’t locked my door in case the phone was ringing I wouldn’t have to fumble with keys to get it open. I went inside and made my way to the phone to check for messages. There weren’t any. Then I checked for missed calls with the same results. I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved or not. I went into the kitchen and set the timer on the stove for twenty minutes. Enough time to get me to the laundry just before the wash was done. I looked at the clock again, 9:30am. I had better get myself busy or I would be pulling a chair up in front of the clock and spending the rest of the day there. I decided to make the bed first and then clean the bathroom next. The bathroom would be the biggest job because I wanted it to sparkle when I was done. The kitchen would be the next target. I figured that those jobs alone would take me three hours and then I could break for lunch. I didn’t follow my usual practice of playing my favorite music when I was working. I didn’t want to miss Jill’s call if she needed help. I was scrubbing away at some soap scum in the bathtub when the phone rang. I jumped up from my knees and ran to the phone without taking off my rubber gloves. The phone had rung three times before I got there. On the fifth ring the message service would pick up the line.
“Hello.”
“Hello, can I speak to Randolf Stewart?”
The voice was steady and professional. My heart started to pound and I could feel the adrenaline send a tingling surge through my body. The police I thought. Something had happened to Jill.
“Hello, Mr. Stewart, this is Sandy calling from Steel Bank. How are you today?”
“I’m fine. How are you?”
“I’m fine, thank you for asking. The reason for my call is to see how we are doing with your bank accounts. Can I ask you a few questions?”
I was so relieved that it wasn’t the police that I would have told her my life story, but I wanted to keep it short so I agreed to answer the questions.
The survey only took a few minutes and it was a good distraction. My mind was on something else besides concocting endless “what if” scenarios. I had forgotten that I had my cleaning gloves on until I hung up the phone which reminded me of what I was doing prior to the phone call. Before I took a step towards the bathroom the timer sounded on the stove. I pulled off my rubber gloves and threw them on the kitchen counter and jogged to the laundry to throw my wash into the dryers. I jammed all my wash into one dryer and fed the coin slots, then jogged back to my apartment. Once again I checked the phone for calls and found none. So back to work I went and spent the next hour making the bathroom so clean Jill would be proud of me. I don’t think I was ever that fastidious about anything until I met Jill. She did have a positive effect on me. I took a break from the drudgery and uncorked a bottle of wine. I was a sipper so one glass was all I needed. I took my wine into the living room and sat on the couch. I decided not to turn on the TV or stereo. Silence was the most relaxing thing I could have. I sat there and wondered where Jill was and what she was doing. Did she stop for lunch? And if she did why didn’t she call me. I thought for a moment; she must have stopped. That is one thing she wouldn’t miss. If Jill didn’t eat she would get the shakes. She must have stopped. Why didn’t she call? My mind was starting to shift gears now. She probably would have stopped for lunch about the same time I did. I got up from the couch and went to the drawer in the bookcase where I stored the maps. After a minute of sorting through the pile I found the one I was looking for. I whipped the map open like I was snapping a towel and headed for the dining room table. I finished opening the map and began to find the route that she had taken. In my mind I calculated how much time had passed and how fast she would be driving. I pinpointed a city on the map that would have restaurants.
“She must have stopped there.”
Satisfied that I had done my homework I left the map where it lie and went back to my chores. I finally felt I was making progress when I finished the kitchen. I was feeling pretty good about the appearance of my home. I leaned against the counter and noticed the clock on the stove, 1:37pm. I grabbed a duster and headed for the living room. I liked dusting because nothing gets wet so I didn’t have to worry about water spots. My system wasn’t unique. I started at the top and worked my way down. I had limited the amount of knick knacks on my shelves to speed up the process. And usually I didn’t remove anything from them to make dusting even faster, but today I was going all out and taking everything off the shelves. After all, I wasn’t going anywhere and I had time. I finished the dusting and vacuuming and noticed the time was 4:42pm, time for dinner. Jill would be arriving at her mothers in a short while, she would call me, and then I could relax. I decided to call for a pizza. I was too tired to cook and besides, I didn’t want to mess up all my hard work. I called the local pizza parlor and ordered my usual, pepperoni, mushrooms and black olives. The voice on the other end indicated it would be about 45 minutes. I hung up and looked at the clock on the stove, 4:54pm. It seemed like more time should have passed. I found myself looking at the clock every five minutes and began to feel stupid for getting so anxious. I decided to wait for the call from Jill and the pizza lying on the couch. I put some soft music on to distract me while I waited. I must have drifted off into a semi conscious state because the next thing I heard was the door bell ring, which in my foggy state I mistook for the phone ringing. I jumped up and raced to the phone only to hear the door bell ring again. I stood there for a second to get my bearings and then made for the door. I opened the door to collect my pizza and the delivery boy apologized.
“Sorry I’m late, there was an accident down the street and traffic was all tied up. Your pizza is still hot, though.”
“That’s alright I was half asleep anyway.”
I returned to the kitchen and put the pizza on the stove. As I did I looked at the clock on the stove, 5:53pm.

I quickly went to the phone to check for messages, nothing. She’s over 30 minutes late. My heart began to speed up and my mind was going even faster. Why would she take longer to get there? She could have had a flat tire. Maybe she was delayed by an accident like the delivery boy. I couldn’t make my mind go to the other more excruciating possibilities. I decided to wait 20 minutes before I called her mother. Then I decided to wait 10 minutes. I waited there by the phone for two minutes and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I pulled out my address book and found her mothers phone number. I dialed the phone and it rang once, twice, three times and it kept ringing. After five rings I stopped counting, but I let it ring. There was no answer. What if there was an accident or she was abducted, but where was her mother? Her mother didn’t drive and she would have called me to let me know. Maybe she didn’t think of that, she may have forgotten to call me and she doesn’t have my phone number on her. I never felt so helpless. Jill may need me and I didn’t know where she was. I didn’t even know if she was alive. I should have gone with her, she was more important to me than my job. My mind was reeling and I couldn’t get control of it. I decided that doing something was better than nothing. I called information.

“What city and state are you calling?”
“Clairmont Connecticut. I need the number for the Clairmont police”.
“One moment”.
In a moment a mechanical voice came on the line and gave me the number. I wrote it down quickly, but had the presence of mind to listen to the number once more to make sure it was right. I pushed the button down on the phone to hang it up and dialed the number. I was nervous and afraid. I don’t know what scared me most. What I would find out or what I wouldn’t find out. The phone rang twice then a voice came on the line.
“Clairmont Police, Officer Perry speaking how can I help you?”
“My name is Randy Stewart my fiancé was supposed to go to your city to visit her mother and I can’t get a hold of her?”
“When was she suppose to arrive Mr. Stewart?”
“Between 5pm and 5:30pm.”
“Have you called her mother?”
“I don’t get an answer. She was suppose to call me when she got there”.
“It’s 6:07 now, I wouldn’t be too concerned yet, Mr. Stewart, a lot of things could have happened.”
“That’s what I am afraid of.” I was getting frustrated with him now. I wanted some action”.
“Has she ever been late before?”
He had me thinking now. Jill was notoriously late for almost everything. Once we had a dinner date and she was late because she went shopping. I had to confess to Officer Perry.
“Yes, she does have a habit of being late, but she had no plans to stop anywhere.”
“Do you have her mothers address?”
“Yes. I have it here in my address book.”
“Give me the address and we will have the first available patrol car go there and see if there is any problem.”
“That would be wonderful.”
I gave Officer Perry the address and my phone number. I felt better knowing I wasn’t alone in this anymore. I decided to sit in the living room to wait. I plugged in an extension cord for the phone and sat in the wingback chair with the phone in my lap. The only light was from the chandelier in the dining room. The only sound the ticking of the grandfather clock. Every tick increased my anxiety. My mind began to wonder. I started to drift into a trace, imagining where she might be and she might be hurt. I could see fire trucks and an ambulance as I slipped deeper into unconsciousness. I could see her car and I was running to it. Something held me back and I could hear voices saying,
“Mr. Stewart there is nothing more to be done.”
I could see Jill’s face and she was looking at me beckoning me to come to her and I knew she needed help, but I couldn’t move no matter how I struggled to get to her. At that moment the phone rang and my arms popped in the air and the phone bounced dislodging the handset. I groped for it, in my stupor, and managed to get it up to my ear. I said hello, but there was no answer. I said hello again, still nothing, then a click and a dial tone. I sat there for a moment with the handset still in my hand wondering who that could have been. Was it Jill? Officer Perry? Why did they hang up on me? I hung up the phone and it immediately rang again. Handset already in hand I snapped it up to my ear.
“Hello”, but there was no answer. I could hear sounds in the background like a busy mall. I thought I could hear voices, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. I tried to raise the caller again.
“Hello-who is this?”
Still no answer, I couldn’t bring myself to hang up. There was someone on the other end of the line and they might know something about Jill.
“Hello, say something! Who are you?” The phone went silent and then a dial tone. It was 7:13pm. Jill was two hours late. I decided to call Officer Perry again and see if he was able to send a patrol car. After waiting on hold for a few moments Officer Perry came on the line and had nothing to report. All the patrol cars were busy with other business and he wasn’t able to send a car to Jill’s mothers’ yet. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I decided to have a glass of wine, a big one. It didn’t take me long to down the glass of wine. I stood in the kitchen looking at the clock, 7:30pm. I decided to sit on the couch and watch the TV for a distraction. I grabbed the controller and hit the power button, the screen came to life and the first thing I saw was video of a car accident. My eyes scanned the screen for some image of Jill or her car. The reporter stood mid screen babbling away. I didn’t hear a word. I finally expressed my frustration by yelling at the television.
“Get out of the way idiot!” As I finished my outburst a commercial popped on the screen. I grabbed the controller and threw it across the room. I was ready to scream. I lay down on the couch with the phone at my side. If there was any call for help I wasn’t going to miss it. The wine and the anxiety had taken its’ toll, I was beginning to slip away into sleep. I lay there semi conscious, my mind drifting in and out of reality. I was fully relaxed when I heard the phone ring. I had forgotten where the phone was and had to search for it. By the time I got it to my ear I noticed a commercial on the TV promoting phone services, complete with ringing phones. I was wide awake now and I decided to turn off my tormenter. I lay down once again trying to regain my relaxed state. Again I entered into that unconscious world that I had been pulled back from so many times. I began to think about Jill and the possibility that I may never see her again. I could see her in her wrecked car looking at me. I could sense she wanted my help. The car burst into flames and she was pounding on the window. I was trying to run to her, but my legs would not move. I was paralyzed and helpless. I saw the flames engulf the car and heard sirens. The emotion was too much for me and I sat straight up with a shout of agony. In the following silence I could hear sirens from the road by the apartment building. I was breathing heavy now, my heart was pounding. I decided to call Officer Perry again. I did my ritual glance at the clock, 12:47am.

Officer Perry was not available and the officer said he would have him return my call as soon as he was available. I felt like a train wreck. I went to the bathroom to wash my face. The person I saw in the mirror needed a rest. I considered a cold shower, but that would take me away from the phone for too long. I splashed cold water on my face, dried off and was back to the phone. My face felt good, but the rest of my body was several steps behind. I sat on the couch legs stretched out in front, my head leaning back on the top. I was almost as tired as I was anxious. My body craving rest and my heart fighting to keep me awake. In spite of my efforts I sailed off into the ocean of unconsciousness. It was 3:50am, I woke feeling somewhat rested, but with renewed anxiety. I hadn’t really done anything to help Jill and I felt I owed her more than a few phone calls. With new energy I grabbed my coat, water bottle and car keys. I was going to look for Jill. Before I left I wanted to change the message on the answering machine. I didn’t have to think about what to say. This message is for Jill. I pushed the record button and the words just flowed.
“Jill I am coming to find you. If you call leave a message and let me know where you are. I will be checking the machine. I love you”.
I took one last look around the apartment. As I walked past the phone on my way out the door it rang. I turned and froze. Would it be good news or bad? My heart started pumping furiously. I answered.
“Hello?”
“Hi, it’s me.”
“Jill?”
“Yes, I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I got sick. Mom took me to the hospital.” She sounded tired.
“I thought something terrible had happened to you. What was wrong? I called your mother, but there was no answer. I was just going out the door to look for you.”
“Don’t be silly. How would you know where to look? Well, I am at moms’ now. I have to lay down I am exhausted. I had food poisoning”.
I responded slowly, the fear and anxiety gone.
“I feel like a truck ran over me. I should get to bed too. I haven’t had much sleep. I love you, honey.”
“I love you too. I will call you later.”
“Please don’t forget to call”.
“I won’t, bye”.
I determined that Jill would never go on a trip without me again. I threw my coat and water bottle on the couch and headed for the bedroom. I determined to take off only my shoes; I was too weary to do the rest. As I lay down on the bed I thought about Jill’s trip home then a robin began to sing the first song in the morning. I knew it would be alright.


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