Some things need to be written

A calm silence filled the space inside the apartment. The rift had grown too large now, it engulfed him, body and soul. He gave all he could to her and yet she wanted, needed more. Her words cut him so deeply that the light faded from his eyes now. The cold February air seemed to creep into every corner of the apartment, as he sat beside the kitchen counter, silent. All he worked for and had endured these last few years had amounted to nothing. Surely this would be his end, and this he accepted freely. He loved her still, everything he did was for her, just to see her smile. An avalanche of emotion fell around him as he stood and made his way to the bathroom. Two bottles in hand, he stood for a moment looking into his own eyes in the mirror. The large glass bottle of whiskey made a thud as he set it down, the smaller pill bottle made a slight rattle. One by one he laid the pills out on the sink, all in a row like bullets in a magazine. He hated the taste and smell of whiskey, but it would make this faster he thought. 24 white pills now lined the sink in two rows of 12. With the whiskey in hand he swallowed the first 4, the wretched taste almost made him vomit them right back up. Knowing this would be counterproductive to his mission, he cast the bottle aside and grabbed a glass for water. Four at a time, 8, 12, 16, 20, 24. It was quick, and she was locked in the bedroom oblivious to the events only a few feet away. She found his letter in front of the locked bedroom door. He laid on the cold floor by the tub, tears flowing like a raging river. She had discovered his deed, she yelled and accused and called for help. He hoped that the angel of death would show him mercy and come before help arrived, so he could move on to his well deserved peace among the stars. This was not to be, the officer stearnly directed that he must go to the hospital, he protested but his words were useless. The ambulance carted him off to the hospital, and he sat shamefully on gearny wanting this to all end. They ushered him off to the emergency room, and put him aside from the ill patients. In his little corner behind a single curtain, he had become an audience of one. The nurses left him virtually undisturbed, and all alone he waited. Finally, they had come to check on him, and asked if he needed anything. All he wanted was his wife, to have her by his side. She never came, he asked again for them to get her from the waiting area. All of a sudden, after what seemed a life time sitting alone the curtain moved, he perked up thinking finally she was allowed to come back. He was wrong, his brother had come to be by his side. Still he asked for her, and his heart broke once and for all when his brother said she was not there. Tears poured from his eyes, she abandoned him, now in his moment of greatest need. As the hours ticked by, and question after question was asked of him, he grew tired of be held now against his will. He talked and manipulated the way he always had, and got himself released after nearly 12 hours, it was over. He had set out to end his life, and failed. And in his failure he found victory, strength and a self love he had never known. He never hated her for not being there by his side, or for leaving him for another man. He spent many lonely hours thinking after that day. Today he still wishes to exist in the space between the stars, the dark void in which pain and sorrow do not exist. His day will come and his wish will be realized, but not on his terms. When the angel of death finally lays his hand upon his shoulder and guides him away from this life, he will smile. For he defeated death once and in that moment he was no longer defeated himself.

This is not a story or a work of fiction. These are actual events, so please be mindful when commenting. For my works of fiction please look inside my portfolio.

Thank you,

Reign