CHOMPERS

   


    Grandma Murray sat her teeth on the bathroom sink for their morning cleansing.  She grabbed the brush from the holder and when she turned around the teeth were gone.  Now mind you at the time Granny was at the ripe ole age of ninety-five God bless her.  Even at her age she kept an active schedule of housework, laundry and the abundance of grandchildren who could not get enough of her famous number one in the Indiana State Fair chocolate peanut butter cookies.  Not to mention the senior citizen trips to Wall-Mart, Target and the Mall.  There was also Bridge on Thursday nights and beer and poker on Fridays.
    Now maybe her eyes weren’t what they used to be but how does your teeth just walk away?

    No of course not.

    Couldn’t happen.


   

                            Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter
             

   

    She looked down and saw the teeth on the floor beside her feet.  She bent down to pick them up when they snapped together as if to stand at attention opened wide as they let out with a childish laughter.
    They jumped up and clamped onto her nose. 
    The teeth chomped deeper and deeper into her flesh.

    Growling.

    Hissing.

She wanted someone to get them off her.
She was alone and no one around to hear her pleading for  help.  She thought that old man Jones next door would hear something was up and come running.  He was always sitting on his porch staring at the traffic watching the cars go by and yelling at the kids for cutting through his yard.  The problem was he was a beer drinker and at that time of the evening he was out for the count.  Of all days.
    She rolled on the floor trying to tear the teeth from her face, her ankles banging against the vanity, her head smacked into the door frame.
    Gotta git’em off.  Gotta git’em off!
    Her  swollen arthritis infested fingers were no match for the jaws of life.
   
    After a while of wrestling and struggling the teeth finally gave way and released themselves.  She watched them as they crawled under the couch.
    Hiding.

    Had to find them.

    Going to kill them.

   
    Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter.
   
    Like the rest of her body her ears were failing  as well making it difficult to pin point their location.
    The phone rang.
    It was her son.  She told him she couldn’t talk right now because she seemed to have
misplaced her teeth and had to find them.  She didn’t want to tell him she was attempting to kill her teeth because they bit her.  He would have her put away.  He was dying to get her put in one of those homes so he could have the house.

    Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter

    She went in search of.

    Under the stacks of newspapers and magazines.  Again under the couch and the Lazy Boy.
    Nothing.

    Not going well

    Under the entertainment center.

    Nothing.

    Wait a second. 

    She could see the pink of their gums sticking out from the couch’s edge.  After they realized they had been spotted they chattered away.
    “There you are you little devils.” 
Bending down as far as her bones would allow her she swatted them with her cane,
jabbing and poking trying to get them away from the wall when an inscruiating pain shot through her foot as the teeth chomped hungrily on her big toe. She shook her foot but the teeth only bit down harder with each shake.  Blood oozed out from under their gums.
   
    She swatted  furiously until they released their vice like grip.  Her toe was twice the size and throbbing black and blue.  She sat down to catch her breath as she grabbed her inhaler and took in a couple shots.
The teeth crawled into the kitchen leaving a narrow trail of blood behind them.

    Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter

    In the bathroom she pulled the alcohol down from the shelf and poured it over the toe.Alcohol had always been the family cure all for all scratches, cuts and bruises and as in her case bite marks.  By the looks of it she could tell it was going to get infected.  Just imagine the variety of germs found on teeth we carry around daily and to have them bite into your skin sinking all that bacteria into your system like snake venom.  She bit her lower lip and winced in pain as she wrapped the toe with gauze and hobbled into the living room and sat down on the couch with her cane resting on her lap like it were a shotgun.

    Just kill the teeth already.

    She had it all planned out. 

    Piece of cake.

    All she had to do was sit and wait for the little critters to crawl out from their hiding
place and then…….

    Whack!

    Wham!

    To the death!

    Her heart racing from all the excitement she poured herself a diet coke with a dash of Jim Beam for municipal purposes only and hit the on button on the remote and fell back into her chair.

    Six o’clock news.

    She never understood why she even bothered to watch the news everyday because it is never about anything good and not to mention the bad mood swing it puts her in.  On that particular night they were talking about a rape and murder which happened only about three hours ago not far from where she lived.  Then they went into their usual forecast with a possible chance of rain.  There is always a chance of rain in Indiana but oddly enough the city of Indianapolis hardly gets as much as the southern portion of the state.  She remembered someone telling her it had to do something with the Wabash Valley or something like that.  She hoped they were right this time.  A good solid down pour would feel very soothing with it being in the middle of July.

    Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter

      She was startled by a knock at the door.  She folded the paper irritated at the fact she had to get back up. 
    The clock read 5:00
    The knock came again.  More aggressive.
    “One second.”
    Her arm shook vigorously as she put her weight on the cane and hobbled to the door but when she answered there was no one there.
    With the speed and agility of a tiny mouse the teeth made a mad dash out from under the couch snapped a couple layers of skin from her ankle causing her to fall and hit her head on the edge of the coffee table. A rivulet of blood flowed slowly down the side of her cheek and her vision was beginning to blur.
    She had not yet recovered from the last attack.
    Chompers
    Tearing at her ankle like never before.
    Hungry for flesh.
    Deeper the teeth dug.  Grinding their way to the bone.
    Please stop!.  Stop!
    The cane.
    Where’s the cane?
    Her hand scanned the floor until her fingers found it and took a firm hold and swatted them.
   
   
    The teeth hit the wall but quickly recovered themselves as they charged back after her.
    Running across the floor.
    Another swing.
    Pounding like she were pounding a steak to tenderize.
    Take that.  And that you suckers!
    “Die!  Die! Die!”
    She managed to knock a couple of it’s teeth out as the rest of them chattered off in a mad a dash across the floor and under the table where they were hidden from the skirt. Her bones snapped, crackled and popped as she pulled herself up and walked  toward where she had seen them.
    Her weapon ready to strike.
    “ Come out come out where ever you are.”
    There was a chuckle like that of a little boy.
    It was then she realized the teeth were possessed.
    Demons.
    Think this is funny do ya?
    Come out and play I’ll show ya funny.  You little chompers.
    The teeth whistled.
    She swung the cane hard as she could at the table shattering the lamp her mother had given her.  The lamp that had been in the family all these years.
    The teeth were no longer there.
   
Chitter chatter chitter chatter chitter chatter

    “I hear!  I hear ya!”
    She walked down the hall with the cane ready to strike at any given second
    Her head hurting from the fall.
    There you go you little chompers.  Come to granny.
    She felt something wet running down the side of her cheek.
    Blood from when she banged her head.
    No time for that right now.  This is war.  War ain’t for sissies as General Patton would say. 
    In the closet she grabbed her husband’s battle helmet and strapped it on.  She grabbed his old cammie field jacket and put it on.  If only my husband was around for this he would be so proud she thought. 
    She shouldered her weapon.
    Hobbling as fast as she could she chased after them .
    She grabbed a vase one of her collectors but she didn’t care and threw it at them.
    Missed.
    Another one of mamma’s antiques.
    The teeth laughed.
    “I’m gonna git you.  I’m a gonna git you.”
    Think this is some kind of a game do ya.  I’ll show ya game. 
    Granny got game.
    The teeth ran  into the bedroom.
    Under the bed.
    No way out from here.  Like to see what your gonna do about this one..

    Chuckle.

    They  proved harder to kill than she  thought.
    Gotta git em  Gotta git em good.
    They slid behind the dresser along the back wall and went out the door chattering down the hallway.   
 

    “Ahhhhhhh!”
    She charged down the hallway.
   
    She swatted and took another swing at them and missed.
    She chased them around the bedroom under the bed  and once again down the hallway.
    “Oh my back.  My aching back.”
   
    Chuckles.

    “Wise guys.”

    What was she going to do?

    How to catch the things.
   
    Then it came to her.
    She set rat traps along the hallway, under the kitchen sink and behind the sofa in the living room.  Along the wall she placed several glue boards her Orkin man had given her for mice. 
    “At least these things come in handy for something.”
    By the time she finished there was absolutely no way the teeth would be able to escape her barrier.
    She bandaged herself up with gauze.  Her toe throbbing furiously but this was war and there was no time to wimp out.
    She had to be tough.

    Strong   
   
    Determined.

    She sat down read her paper and waited.  Sooner or later they would come back out and play.
    She saw herself as a hunter.
    A good hunter waits for it’s prey.

    Then suddenly.
    The teeth took off chattering behind the couch and darted off along the far wall.
   

    Ha ha.

    Gotcya .

    Not so funny now is it my little darlings.

    She held the glue board up with the teeth just chattering away struggling to get off the glue board. It reminded her of the mouse she caught once when she found it still alive and was getting her kicks out of watching it fight with the glue board

    I think you’ve seen the last of your days.

    Chitter chatter chitter chatter chitter chatter.

      Threw the teeth and the glue board in the trash can.

    Took the trash out into the dumpster.

    And it was good riddance.

    Wiped her hands clean of that one.

    Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter


    A couple hours later the trash collectors came.  The trash bend raised high in the air as she looked out the window laughing  and proud she had beat them. 
    She closed her curtain as if to close the final act of a stage show and went back to her T.V relieved it was all over.

    Until.
   
      The phone rang.
    “Hello.”
    Long silence.
    “Hello.  Who is this?”

    Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter Chitter Chatter.


                                                                                            THE END