Elizabeth Diane

The following are thoughts I would like to speak out loud to my best friend, Elizabeth Diane, who passed away in 2008 from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to her head.

December 12, 2009

I sit here baffled at the strong memories that are bombarding both my thoughts and my heart. For every memory, there are a thousand tear drops that fall.

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December 28, 2009

I dreamed about you last night; you were as beautiful as ever. With all my might, I tried to envision the destruction incurred by the shotgun you devilishly placed under your chin, but thankfully, could not. The only proof of your decision to leave this earthly realm was the fact that your words to me were incoherent - an obvious reality that your mouth no longer existed.

In my dream, your soul was so alive - demonstrated by the sunshine in your bright smile. It is my deepest hope you are smiling now - free from the devastating pain that ultimately drove you to your final demise.

You are not only present in my sleep-induced dreams - you are in my heart - to stay and live on forever. You are the music that plays through my radio. You are the wind that gently blows my hair. You are the soft, floating clouds that add an artistic picture to our sky of pure blue. You are the welcomed air I breathe.

I miss you, even though you surround my very being, my every waking moment. I miss your laughter that used to fill my heart with a joyous jubilee.

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December 29, 2009

Remember when Thelma & Louise first came out? We watched it and became so enraged by the ending! Remember how mad we were?? But I also remember how enthralled we were with Brad Pitt!! That was before he became the heartthrob of the nation and we fought over who was going to be the first to... well... yeah! Boy, we sure did love to watch him walk!!

And you know what else? Every single time I get in my Jeep, even if it's just while I am on my break at work, Pink Floyd is playing on the radio. How many damn times did we watch The Wall?? Eleventy seven thousand times?? Gawd! We had every line memorized. I remember your favorite part was the erotic flower scene! Ohhhh!! And "wanna take a bath?" Our favorite song was Mother - I still love that one. We really liked Goodbye, Blue Sky (I think that's the name of it) too. I hope you know that Pink Floyd will forever mean more to me than just some lyrics.

I love you and miss you. Rest in peace, my beautiful Angel!

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January 5, 2010

Hey beautiful! Happy New Year!

I spoke with Jana a couple of days ago and asked her to please give your mother my phone number. I REALLY want to talk to her. What I want most is to reconnect with Micha - the spitting image of you that you left behind. Jana showed me a picture of her and Sam on her cell phone and I was only able to look at it for a second.

God, Diane. I have to ask - how could you do this to her? And Coty? And Shelby? I guess that is something I will never be able to understand since I respect life the way I do. I hope I never have to experience the type of anguish you were going through. I have definitely lived my times of hell, but it always got better. Always.

I do hope your mother will call me.

I love you with all my heart.

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January 8, 2010

I am so happy right now!! Your mother called me this morning and we were able to talk for about 10 minutes before I had to hang up. Even more exciting is the fact that I have been texting with Micha ever since then and now I am going through all her pics on her myspace. MY GOD, DIANE, she is the absolute recreation of you. I am sitting here in tears as I look at how lovely she is.

There are also pictures of Coty's boys and I am just beside myself with where all the time has gone.

I learned something from the conversation with your mother this morning. It seems that Jana may have been wrong in telling me that you took your own life. Your mother said your husband shot you. OMG!! This definitely makes more sense to me. But, I can't believe it wasn't you shooting him. Remember the time you threw Shannon through the window next to the door at that trailer y'all lived in? LOL I know that isn't something to really laugh about, but it was pretty funny at the time. And what about that huge, and I do mean HUGE, jar of coins you threw at Brett's head that day in the duplex?? Now that one was awesome!! He so deserved it. Did he ever have anything to do with his daughter?? Remember us going to Spring City that night and slashing his tires?? God, we were terrible, huh? Well, he should have been helping you with Micha. I never cared much for him. Too much of a pretty boy, ya know?

Looking at the pics Micha has on her myspace is about to kill me. I really need to find my favorite photo album that is plum full of pictures of you and Coty and your mom. I will do that right now.

I love you and miss you terribly.

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