A female superhero struggles managing her commitment to the world and her everyday life. |
I lay here at night wondering, wondering if anyone will ever figure me out. I wonder if anyone will find out the secret I’ve been hiding for years, if anyone will ever really know me and then it hits me... The warmth is surrounding me, I feel safe, comfy. I want to stay like this forever, wrapped up, protected in a state of unaware bliss. I would too, I would stay like this except there is a persistent buzzing working its way through me penetrating my brain and demanding that I move. Eventually when the sound becomes annoying I moan and reach my arm out, suddenly the cold air assaults me, I slam my fist down on the snooze button and yank my arm back beneath the confides of my quilt. Slowly awareness starts to seep in and I realise that something isn’t quite right. I’m naked. When was the last time I slept without clothes on? I stretch and try to roll over, pulling myself from the last dregs of sleep but something is pinning me down. An arm, specifically a man’s arm is draped across my abdomen holding me close to a warm body, warm breath is puffing across my neck and I begin to wonder what I should do. Should I sneak from the bed and hide out in the bathroom or do I lay here and pretend to be asleep until he leaves? Suddenly my options are robbed from me as the hand begins a slow, electrifying trail upwards finally cupping my breast in its warmth, as if this wasn’t torture enough a warm mouth trails slow wet kisses along my jaw bone, towards my ear. I can’t help it I moan, but who wouldn’t when the man from your most secret fantasies is squeezing your breast and suckling on your ear? Oh god how did I let this happen? Damn I need to stop it before it happens again but it feels so good maybe, maybe just this one last time... 6 months earlier... “Abigail. Hey Abigail! Abigail-Jorja Cooper wake up and get your arse out of this bed before I drag you out and kick your arse into gear!” God I ache. I can feel the discomfort spread through me as I regain consciousness. If my muscles protest this much whilst I’m lying still how much are they going to complain when I get moving? I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck, which in all fairness isn’t far from the truth, except it wasn’t a truck and I wasn’t run over. It was a wall and a two story drop. Okay so maybe my analogy was not very close at all. I’m procrastinating now and I realise that through my musings Leanna, my roommate, has started tugging off my quilt. If I don’t move now not only will I be late for work (again!) but Leanna will make true of her threat and I’m already in enough pain. Slowly...oh so slowly I stretch out and I can’t quite stop the whimper from the pain that this small action causes me. “God Abi what in heaven’s did you do last night? You look awful! And I don’t even have time to fix you up before you have to go to work. That hairs going to take at least an hour to get sorted!” Yep that’s my roommate. Stunning, smart and incredibly to the point. She’s also the only one, outside a professional capacity, that I allow to call me Abigail over my preferred nickname AJ. Knowing she will be awaiting my answer I role to my back and sit up groaning at the effort and lie for the umpteenth time. “I am ‘such a state’ as you so eloquently put it cause I was out last night with the guys from work and on the way home I toppled over that turd of a wall outside Mr Jefferson’s house okay?” Opening my eyes to look at her I can tell she doesn’t believe me. The sheer hurt and disappointment shinning in her eyes pains me much more than my physical injuries but I can’t tell her the truth. She wouldn’t understand. Watching her sigh and walk out of my door breaks my heart but I can’t change things now, and just as I think it can’t get any worse I hear her mutter “you don’t drink”. Before leaving me cold, alone and feeling like the worst friend ever. I flop down onto my back and whisper to the silence surrounding me the only truth from the conversation knowing it won’t change a thing. “I never said I was drunk.” |