Arson is a great gift idea!

Two weeks. In two weeks I have burned through at least twenty five packs of smokes and a good amount of beer. Oddly enough I haven't been drunk since the night I ruined our relationship. All I could ever really offer you for that mistake was an apology, but it was as honest as a bullet to the face. I knew I was fucked the moment it happened. Sure, you gave the whole I can forgive you in time speech, but I know from giving that speech before that it never really works out. At these points in my life, (the points where I have shoveled out a hole in my room in which I plan to set myself on fire, film it and send it to you to show you just how sorry I am) I always depend on a close friend to help me quit ramming my head against the wall. Too bad they all are ramming their heads against their own walls. I grind glass in my stomach at all times. The constant urge to throw up in someones face and then strike them with a blunt object is not the best day dream to be having, but I sure as fuck have it. I feel like I was born a half wolf half lamb mutant fucking freak. My negative side spends all day trying to eat the head of my joy and social normality. Does anyone else have this conflict? Do you ever find yourself in a supermarket and think it would be super cool to have a flame thrower and just start setting everyone on fire? I get like that sometimes. Not when I had you. You put a muzzle on that beast, made it heal at command. I forget all the wars in third world countries, I find that I can breathe without an overflow of anxiety and that I smile and laugh and don't think about inflicting violent terror on government officials and politicians. All you had to do was smile and the wolf starved. Those days are two weeks behind me, and the chase begins again. I want to set fire to the white house and wait at the door with a bat for the face of every suit and tie coward that runs out. I want the citizens of every major city to start burning cop cars and dancing in the flames. I want to drop napalm on Hollywood and keep going until L.A. is nothing but a screaming plume of smoke that wreaks of dead junkies and fake tits. I want the oceans to dry up and all plant and animal life to die so that every last person in this country knows what it's like to starve everyday. I am so sick of celebrities pretending they give a fuck about poverty and all the tooth pick thin children in the world. What a fucking joke! They all take pills and drugs to be that skinny, just look at the Olson twins, they should be in one of those commercials with the televangelist telling you it only takes 10 cents a day to keep Mary Kate and Ashley on a good steady dose of crack rocks. Yeah, I tend to hate a lot of things that Americans find so wonderful. Yeah, I am a cynical kid who doesn't know enough about the world too assume things. So go for it, tell me to grow up and have a heart. You need to wake up and quit slaving to accept and be okay with the world spiraling down a shit hole that starts on the news and ends in nuclear Armageddon. Don't worry all the celebs will be fine. They aren't human anymore, we filled em up with speed, roach D.N.A. and enough plastic to withstand a nuclear blast. The wolf finally caught the lamb and ate it's fucking head baby. Just so it's out there, I love you . Come shoot down the dog.