A Christmas Past

Another sleepless night.  Samantha tossed and turned trying to fight the day’s events that played over and over in her mind.  Counting sheep, such a waste of time.  What did her manager mean when he said at the end of the workday, "You are a difficult employee to manage."  The comment struck a sensitive nerve leaving her crushed and depressed.  Her only response was, "You couldn't wait to tell me that until after the Holiday Party?  Thanks a lot."  Of course, that's what he was like.  Thoughtless. 

Stress me out some more why don’t you? She thought as she shifted in bed for the twentieth time.  Bad enough annual reviews were soon.  Usually the meeting with the boss was casual. Now Samantha had to have a strategic defense ready.  And of course there was the Firm’s Holiday Dinner Party, an annual event that was more an obligation than anything else.
Sleep, finally.  Thank you Lord for Amaretto.

The office was decorated with Holiday Trim.  But today everyone seemed to twinkle in an effort to not be outdone by garland and lights.  Some wore sequence, others spiced up simple black with cubic zirconia gems that dangled from necks and earlobes.  Although her Holiday spirit was dimmed, Samantha put on a smile dressed in a new shade of lip gloss, Holiday Berry, which matched her new cocktail dress.   

The hours leading up to the Dinner Party, were uncomfortable to say the least. She was never very good at hiding her emotions, especially from Jane.  Although Samantha did not vent this incident, (why drag others down) she could hear Jane’s voice.  "Look where it's coming from.  After all this time you should know how he is."   

Jane has been with the Firm since its beginning.  If anyone was an authority on John it was her.  Of course Samantha knew.  Everyone knew, and worse, made excuses for him.  This however was an all time low.  Samantha thought, “How can I get out of this?  Say I’m sick and just go home?”  That however would only add to the drama.  People talk in this small office.  Before you know it everyone will be whispering around the water cooler.  Samantha thought it over and decided to suck it up and keep her distance, that’s all. 

Two forty five, time to go.  The office emptied like a well rehearsed show.  Chatter, laughter and the clicking of heals echoed in the atrium as they headed towards the main entrance.  Freshly applied perfume wafted in the air.  The boss always picked a five star establishment for the party and everyone tried their best to embrace the upper-crust attitude.  She watched as her co-workers piled into their cars; start your engines.  The roar of motors started in unison and the caravan began.  Samantha giggled.  All that was needed was a hearse and headlights.

Samantha lit a cigarette.  It would be a while before she could smoke again.  She drew heavily on the smelly addiction making sure the wind carried the offending smoke in the opposite direction.  Her co-workers had an opinion about everything and the evil’s of smoking was top on the list.  Her conscious whispered ‘life would be so much easier without this ball and chain.’  She tried to quit many times.  Yet, there was nothing on Earth that calmed her nerves like a smoke.  Samantha took her last drag and hunted for the Purel and mints in her bag.  It was time to go.

Samantha was the last to join the group that had gathered in the large bar area.  Everyone already had flutes of sparking champagne in hand in preparation for the toast.  Yes, this was a party group.  Without missing a beat the waitress handed Samantha hers.  The boss’ eyes glanced her way.  Yup, we’re all here.  He began a slightly different but familiar speech.  Glasses clinked and camera’s flashed to capture the moment as Holiday music played softly.  The party officially started.  An array of appetizers,  mini pigs in a blanket, chicken on a stick, shrimp, to name a few, were carried on pretty trays by white gloved servers who could easily weave in and out of our little group.  Yes, it was planned perfectly as always, right down to tipping the valets and the coat checker.   

More drinks, more laughter, more pictures.  Things were going well.  Samantha was melting into the Holiday spirit.  She even joined in the traditional singing of Christmas carols.  The Mormon Tabernacle Choir they were not, but they managed with printed lyrics in hand and it was sweet.  She even smiled brightly in pictures with John.  But there was no way she would sit next to him at dinner.  She wasn’t that tolerant.

Again, white gloved waiters made their stops around the elegant table, answering questions about the meal choices and taking orders.  The exotic menu listed entrées that excited everyone.  It was Samantha’s turn, “I’ll have the prime rib, thank you.”  It was a safe bet.  John sat diagonally across from Samantha.  He and Jane were chatting away as was everyone else.  It was the usual cacophony of voices until dinners were served.  But only for a short time as the comparisons of meal choices began.   

The night was coming to a close.  Desserts, to accompany your choice of coffee, espresso, cappuccino, or tea, were just as exotic.  Who had room?  Apparently, everyone.  The array was magnificent.  It wasn’t the first time this group rolled out of their seats.  It was a repeat performance for most.  It was Samantha’s third tour.  Question was, who would start the ball rolling?  Tom, of course.  He was the only other smoker in the office.  He must be dying for a butt as much as Samantha was.  Like on cue, the group started to rise and say their goodnights.  After all, tomorrow is business as usual.

And that is was.  Of course the morning brought about some carryover talk of the party.  But by Ten AM each employee was busy with their work only taking small breaks to e-mail pictures of the previous night’s festivities.  Samantha of course had her work scheduled and files were sorted in order of importance.  Her calendar had phone appointments scheduled as well.  She was still a bit flustered by the accusations John had made.  There was nothing she could think of that would have prompted him to reprimand her. 

Samantha gathered her composure.  She hated confrontations.  But this matter had to be resolved.  She crossed the hall to John’s office, entered and closed the door.  “I need to speak to you about the other day.  What did you mean when you said I’m a difficult employee to manage?”

John paused a moment as if to search for words.  “What I meant was that you seem to have everything under control.  And because of that I don’t know exactly my function as your manager.”  Samantha took a breath trying to understand his problem.

John continued.  “With the other staff members I would assign every task.  I knew exactly what everyone was doing.  You on the other hand take the initiative and I don’t know what you’re working on until I ask.”

This explanation struck Samantha rather funny.  She suppressed the urge to laugh.  “I see.  Well, when I was hired it was understood that I filled a senior position even though the title doesn’t represent it.  That’s how it was explained to me.  I’ve always managed myself in previous jobs.  That’s how I work.  I didn’t know you had a problem with that.”

“It’s not that I have any problems with your work.  John explained.  It’s just that if the boss should ask about the status of our cases I don’t want to be caught off guard.”

“Okay, I got it.  I’ll make an effort to give you a status report.  Samantha said.  But I really wish you would have explained your problem.”

“Well, now we understand each other.  And I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No problem, John.  Well, back to work.”