Cathy

It is quite ironic how a human being is so fragile. How his or hers life can change in unnoticed seconds. How one experience can change a person for a lifetime. Everyone have such experiences and so I will not hide that I am one of those people who got a small taste of life a bit too early.

I am not the person I used to be and that is very certain. Its been years and yet I can not forget. I guess you can not forget such an event like that.

She was my best friend and yet I could not save her. I do not blame her for what she did, it was not her fault. The situation that she was going through was understandable, but apparently not enough for me. I should have seen the signs, or maybe I just ignored them. I did save her life once though... well I can not give myself too much credit, we all tried to. After her death I remember others saying to me while we were sitting in an office that she thought that it was at that moment when we saved her that I truly cared for her. What she never realized was that I cared for her more than she could have ever imagined, but I could not bring myself to say it because of my damn pride. I do not know what happened, but suddenly we just started to fight, and that is when our friendship started to deteriorate.

I remember almost after I met her we could not stay apart. We were always together. She always hugged me as if she never wanted to let me go, and for that, for such a stupid thing we were called lesbians. I knew better, but yet I felt ashamed. Ashamed of what? I still do not understand. I was such an idiot. She only wanted the support that she never had.

It was a week before the Christmas break and I started to buy presents for my friends. I found the perfect gift for her. It was a white orientate pigeon with spread wings. It was beautiful. Even though the present was small it held so much meaning, so much more that me and her could only understand. On the last day before the break we exchanged our gifts. I gave her the Christmas pigeon and in return she gave me a snow globe with a green Christmas card. She asked me to read the card when I got home. "Promise you won't open it?" she begged. "Promise" I honestly said, we hugged and taht is the last time I saw that side of Cathy.

When I got home I opened the card.

"Ann

Thank you so much for letting me realize the true meaning and aspects of life. Hope you have an EXTRAORDINARY CHRISTMAS  =] !

I love you...

PS: I miss you already

                                                          with lots of love Cathy (2006) "

Around the end of the school year, somewhere the beginning of June, on the weekend the phone rang and my mom picked up. She told me it was the principal calling informing that Cathy attempted to commit a suicide and succeeded. I did not sleep that night.

The next day everyone started to apologize for my lose, beginning with those who bullied her the most at school. I did not look at their faces. I did not want to go to school anymore. Everything there reminded me of her. It was very hard not to cry, but the thirteen year old child I was that is all I could do. The days started to pass very slowly, the silence among us was building and it seemed as if everyone just wanted to be somewhere far away.

That same month the police came to my house investigating a suicide pact case. Apparently Cathy was in it. I was one of the suspects. Searching through my house they found nothing that proved their stern facts. They visited all of my friends. What we all found out later was that the principal sent them to us, trying to divert the blame from herself. She was one of the staff members who lead Cathy to her death by trying to convince her mother she needed a psychiatrist, or mental treatment.

Four years have passed. Things are better now than they used to be. However, I do not speak to my friends about Cathy, although sometimes I wish I could. She will always stay in my memory and that is as frank as I can get. Sometimes I think I am searching for her. Every year my friends ask me what I want for Christmas, and every year I say only three words "a snow-globe" .

Is it possible that a person can change from only one life experience? My answer to that would be "Yes" I am a living proof of it.