A Heart's Discovery

The night rendered me almost blind...the blackness, interrupted only by the scattered stars and glowing half moon, took me away for a moment. For a few meagre seconds I forgot that I had to fight and what I had to fight for. I forgot that I was sitting on a bench outside the meeting place of the group of activists I had recently joined forces with. The gentle breeze, so fresh and tasty, teased strands of blonde that flowed past my shoulders and sent a shiver through my body.

Reality dawned on me again as I shivered once more, rubbing my bare shoulders for warmth. It was a familiar scenario; it was rare for me to remember to bring a jacket, umbrella or sun cream wherever I went. But then, I'd never really had to remember these things. Michael had taken up the duty of reminding me to take better care of myself since I'd been a child. A swell of sadness washed every trace of my previous obliviousness away...it had been the hardest thing I'd ever done to leave my twin brother behind in the care of my older brother Chris and aunt Selena. I missed them all terribly but I had a particular yearning to be back with Michael. I missed his company, the sound of his voice and particularly his protectiveness which, before now, I had always thought to be annoying. Warm wetness welled up and pushed past the boundaries of my eyelids.

"Robyn?"

A low, accented voice, the possessor of which I had not heard approaching, broke through the silence that settled upon this secluded place permanently. My hand hastily wiped away the moisture on my face as his footsteps became audible on the soft grass.

The wood creaked as a new weight rested next to me. I smiled weakly as I finally dared a glance at the handsome young man that had followed me. The moon illuminated his features in a mysterious way, making his usually bright blonde hair a strange silver colour. His emerald eyes were concerned as they looked at me, stirring an irrational fear inside me that he had seen my show of weakness.

"Are you all right?" he murmured.

When I had first met him, his accent which was very American had surprised me when he was surrounded with a group of English activists but it was something I was becoming fond of.

"I'm fine," I replied, quietly. "Just...getting some fresh air."

"That's not true. You've been crying."

Damn. Even in the darkness he had noticed my tears. But then, it wasn't like Evan to miss a trick where my welfare was concerned. There was something, I had no idea what, that made him so aware of my mood. Maybe that was why he was here...he had noticed that I wasn't exactly happy right now.

"What's wrong?"

His voice was hushed and gentle, like velvet. I shivered again, but not with the cold this time. It was my first instinct to tell him and why not? Over the months, Evan and I had become very close...but I was still cautious of who I spilled my guts to. If it wasn't Michael, I wasn't so inclined to. But Evan was different, I scolded myself. He was someone I could open up to...he was someone I wanted to open up to.

"I miss my brother," I finally muttered. "I shouldn't have to miss him, I should be at home right now but..."

I trailed off when I felt my hand being taken, warmed from his rough skin. His touch sent another shiver down my arm, like a gentle electrical current, carressing my hand with both of his. My heart skipped a beat, the warmth of his lips against my skin making my senses explode.

"If I could change all this, I would," Evan whispered, a tone of agony in his voice that alarmed me. "If I could make all this go away for you, I'd do it in a second."

"I don't doubt that," I muttered, breathlessly.

My mind tore itself in two. I knew what I wanted...I wanted this, I wanted Evan. But I couldn't have him, not now when I needed to focus on staying out of danger's way. My heart thumped angrily - why shouldn't I for once just take something I could have and wanted so badly?

I watched him, his beautiful eyes looking towards the floor whilst still grasping my hand with protectiveness I'd never felt before. I lifted my free hand to sweep a rogue strand of his hair behind his ear, feeling him respond under my touch. Feeling his eyes observing me, gazing lovingly into mine. But there was still something wrong...something about his expression that made me anxious.

"What is it?" I asked.

A sigh escaped his lips, taking my hesitant hand and holding it to his face. He didn't answer me for a moment, instead observing me with searching eyes.

"I can't decide," Evan murmured, his voice barely audible. "I don't know whether you want me or not."

Again, his gaze broke away from mine and towards the ground. In that moment, my heart became dominant. My thoughts didn't matter anymore. I didn't care if this wasn't rational, I wasn't going to hurt him like this. I couldn't hurt Evan by making him feel unwanted. My strong feelings for him was a poor excuse for putting us both in more danger, but I didn't care.

I leant forwards, the audible thumping of my heart causing my cheeks to flush. I was suddenly looking at his eyes again...they were so close now, so close that I was forced to close mine. A wave of pleasure washed through my body, like a refreshing cold after a searing heat as he closed the gap between us and pressed his eager lips against mine.