Post-colonial Revenge

They sat in Tat’s dormitory room sipping their usual Saturday night tea. The topic was the same: post-colonialism and its ramifications.

“ We have been studying in America for one year and saw the ugly face of capitalism,” said Tat. “Before we leave, we should take revenge for the injustice suffered by our fathers.”

Kiga nodded. “What do you propose?”

“It is clear that we lack resources to hijack airplanes and jeopardize innocent lives.  Nor want we to get in touch with terrorist organizations such as Al Qaida in order to make use of their resources to advance our own ends. This would taint our reputation and put at risk our graduation.”

“I cannot go back without a degree,” said Kiga. “So what are the options that we possess?”

“This is a real predicament,” said Tat. “Nevertheless, I think I have found a solution: In my country, men very often use sexual intercourse as a weapon. We have sex with women in order to assert our domination and pinpoint their weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Usually, this reinforces our position in society and gives us the upper hand. Women, on the other hand, feel miserable, used and abandoned.”

“Do you suggest having sex with American women?” asked Kiga.

“Yes, this is exactly what I am suggesting. Nothing would humiliate them more.”

Kiga thought a little.

“But, remember!” said Tat. “It is very important not to cuddle after sex. If you cuddle, they take the upper hand. In my country, we never cuddle. In this way we have perpetuated our dominion. Promise me not to cuddle, please.”

“Hmm… Sex as revenge…Very good idea. It is both legal and pleasurable and in no way can thwart our graduation. How shall we go about this enterprise? Let us discuss the modalities. Do you possess any seductive moves?”

“We don’t need moves. Our cultural authenticity is sufficient. As foreigners we are very attractive and mysterious to American women.”

“Very good then,” said Kiga. “I shall trust you on this. Of the two of us, you are the most experienced one.” Tat said nothing to this. Kiga continued. “Shall we draw up a list of candidates? I propose Mary. What do you think about Mary?

“No, no, no, I am begging you, take any girl but Mary!” protested Tat. “ She is a very, very kind person. I will certainly not like to insult her by having sex with her. She is always nice to me. She always offers me chocolate chip cookies. And you know how much I love chocolate chip cookies. No, no, no, take anyone you want but please don’t touch Marry.”

“All right,” said Kiga, making a note on a pad. “What about Rachel?”

“Unfortunately, my friend,  we cannot have sex with Rachel either,” said Tat categorically. “Did you forget that she is Jewish? It is absolutely clear that we cannot do that to Rachel. Her people suffered enough throughout centuries and was subjected to the greatest calamity in the modern history. Inflicting additional pain would be very unfair. Strike her out from the list, Kiga, I am begging you.”

“ You are absolutely right! I did not think about it. I certainly agree with your stance on the Jewish question and promise to treat that girl with uttermost respect.  Let us proceed then. How do you regard the following candidate: Jane?

“The one with beautiful blond hair?”

“Yes!”

“Blue eyes with very long eyelashes?”

“Yes, yes!”

“Smooth white skin with delicate traces of freckles that make her look like a chocolate chip cookie?”

“Yes, yes, yes! That’s the one I am talking about!”

Tat’s excitement immediately turned into a deep concern bordering on depression. “She would never agree to have any kind of intercourse with us,” he said. “She is too independent and shows strong interest in feminism. I would strongly recommend against involving her in our venture. She always speaks mockingly of men and makes derogatory statements about male genitalia.  Having sex with her could be a very traumatic experience.”

“Do you mean it is difficult to please her in bed?”

“No, I believe, she has imbibed the ideas of feminism to such an extent that would certainly attempt to dominate in bed and pinpoint our weaknesses and vulnerabilities.  It could be very humiliating. This feminism has utterly deconstructed their values. Moreover, it attempts to reconstruct them in a very dangerous way.”

“Do you feel your dominant position in society is being challenged?”

“Oh, no, not at all! I was just making a general observation,” said Tat. “Why? Do you feel that your position as a dominant figure is being challenged?”

“Of course not! Don’t be ridiculous!” protested Kiga. “I was making a general observation too.”

“OK, then let us proceed, my friend, let us proceed. Natasha??...”