Reawakening

Awakened
No feelings is no way to be but I did not realise I was in a coma
Did not realise I had buried myself in safe unfeeling numbness
Thought I was too clever to fool myself
Behind a veneer of nonchalance
One tiny moment of tenderness and all facade of toughness seared away
Thought I was too clever to bury myself in denial
Yet here I sit in tears unable to cognitise
Fooling myself with cool analysis and endless chatter saying less and less
When a few moments of closeness blew away my armour and destroyed my detachment
So now here I sit with streaming eyes already deciding to keep this to myself and be rational
Help others first and all the time growing old completely alone with nothing for just me, no children no love and nothing to nurture
Getting older and angrier bitter and twisted just like one of many I used to mock
Nothing to nurture nothing to treasure or guide except myself
And where’s the fun in that?