The Pain Will Never Leave Me

I thought it would be easier than this,
Everything about you I miss.
I still can’t get over you not being here,
But in my mind your memory is always near.
I shouldn’t have pushed you away all those years,
When I think of it alls I have is tears.
I just want my big brother again,
But I know that will never happen.
I’ll never forgive myself for the past,
Alls I think about is when I saw you last.
I wouldn’t even talk to you,
The reason why I don’t think you ever knew.
I always used to say I hated you all the time,
In my heart I acted like you committed a crime.
I blamed you for never being there,
It was never your fault but I didn’t care.
Then out of nowhere you were gone,
Finally all the hatred withdrawn.
I couldn’t believe it,
Not even a little bit.
I never told you I loved you,
I myself never knew it to be true.
I guess you really don’t know what you had until its taken away,
I just think of all the apologies I’ll never be able to say.
I feel terrible because you were never mad at me,
You always loved me like my hate was no biggie.
I know you would forgive me if you were here,
Everybody has made that really clear.
I just don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for it,
One thing I do know is this pain will never quit.
But I am sorry and I love you too.
I just wish I would have realized this before I lost you.