Letter to Self (contest)

Dear Me,

It’s Me, your past self.  Here we are in January, the coldest, darkest month of the year.  It hasn’t seemed as dark this year though, has it?  You’ve started to realize that you can adjust to the weather, and not let it affect your mood.  And you know now that it’s the same with all outward circumstances.

What are you thinking right now?  Are you getting caught up in your thoughts, or are you letting each thought pass you by as the trees on the roadside pass while driving?  You remembered a secret a few days ago.  You were called in to work the night shift after a long day on the day shift.  Bethany and you had the most interesting conversation that you had had in a long time.  That day you had asked God why he hadn’t given you the answers you had been seeking – that was the way it was supposed to work after all.

.... She was the answer.  You talked about being sensitive, to this world and the ether.  You talked about spirits and energy, karma and debt, religion and spirituality, truth in the false and evidence of things unseen.  She saw you; she saw right through you.  She said your aura was all good - brighter than most she sees.  She told you that sometimes spirits used her to communicate to their loved ones, though she sometimes held back in self-consciousness.  Tonight she told you to forgive yourself, and to forgive all those who held power over you.  She said to say it out loud, “I forgive you [name]…. I forgive myself.”  Say it over and over until it clicks.  “What happened to you that you are not as sensitive? You seem open enough to be perceptive of the spirit world” she said.  You thought, “I made some bad decisions.  But I look back and see no way I could have foreseen the consequences.”  You replied, “I had to close that part of me down; it was a gift that had become a curse.”  And you both understood.  It was there that you both realized you were both in a funk. 

.... All you have to do, my dear, is close your eyes and tap your feet together three times.  I’m here to say to you, “You always had them [the answers], my dear.”  Wherever and whenever you feel heaviness, choose forgiveness.  Forgive the moment, and any heaviness will disperse.  YOU have the power, and the truth WILL set you free.

…. It’s February already?  Where does the time go!  I’ll be moving in with Cindy soon.  I wasn’t sure if I could get the day off work, but it all worked out.  Things always work out.  We put the request in to the spirit office, and our requests are always fulfilled in the way that’s best for us. …. This move had been a long time in the making for you both.  After all other options were considered, you both realized that this move will make the difference between getting by and getting high (on life).  Can’t you just see the punch line now… “How come people think we’re gay, just because we’re domestic partners in every way?” lol!

…. TGIM – Thank goodness it’s March!  Spring is a cummin!  I’m ready to get my CENA classes done and over with already – it’s been a long bureaucratic road getting there.  Oh, 3 months of sleep deprivation, here we come!

…. April!  Wonderful April!  My birthday is almost here. The three musketeers will be having one helluva celebration pretty soon.  It’s a big number coming up – never thought I’d see the day; always thought I’d go out like a rock star legend long before then.  But I have to remember that age is just a number, and I honestly felt older 10 years ago than I do now.  What I have to change is that exercise is not optional now –  it’s mandatory.  My body needs aerobic conditioning, strength, and flexibility, and I’m too old to not be kind to my body.  Just 30 minutes a day is my only rule.  More is a bonus but not required.  The time passes so quickly though now that I’m older, so 30 minutes is really what 10 minutes used to be 10 years ago.  See, here it came and there it went!

…. May I ask, “Is it really May?” I can’t believe it!  It’s sunny and summery, but I know better than to expect it to last.  It’ll get colder and rainier before the dog days of summer finally set in.  Only one more month until I become a CENA!

…. Ah, June…. The days alternate between gray and golden.  You never know what you’re gonna get, and you never get too much of a good thing!  But just wait….

…. Happy 4th of July!  The summermost point of the summer is finally here.  I’m learning so much about gardening and cooking with Cindy.  It’s the simple goals that are the most rewarding.

…. August is here.  I’m living one day at a time, one moment at a time.  I may have 3 jobs now, but my time is mine.  I know now that I’ve found a good career path, and all my hard work is an investment that will pay off one day.  Probably not in terms of money (gotta play the lotto for that), but I’ll be solidly middle class within a year, and then I’ll be able to “buy” more free time, and spend more time on my hobbies.

…. September is my favorite month of the year.  It’s not too hot, and not too chilly.  The leaves are slowly starting to change color.  I’ve been walking outside every day – there’s nothing I would trade a walk in September for.

…. October – the most beautiful month!  The trees are in their full splendor.  As they shimmer and shine I lose track of time.  I’ve been so inspired that I’ve been writing every day.  If people knew that I’ve been listening to Sarah McLaughlin and Natalie Merchant over and over and over again, they’d think the cows had already come home!  But no, I’m not blue in the face yet, the cows are still getting roaming charges, and garlic (not variety) is the spice of my life lately!  Everything old and familiar becomes new and mysterious again amidst the dance of the trees.

…. November – Thanksgiving is on its way.  I have so much to be thankful for that I couldn’t wait for Thanksgiving Day to start my gratitude journal.  Every day has been ending with me giving thanks.  Never has there been a day when I couldn’t find something to be thankful for. 

…. December – the holiday season is well underway.  New Year’s Day is fast approaching, and I’ll soon be writing myself a letter for 2011.  Thank you, Writing.com for the inspiration to write this letter to myself!  Writing has become my primary source of motivation, passion and growth for the last year.  If I hadn’t written my goals down, it would have been all too easy to forget them.  But thanks to you, words have turned into action, and action has moved me to write the storyline of my life.  Happy New Year!