Acting it out: part 1 - 8

It was my first real audition ever and I hadn't felt so nervous in years. Throughout the hall, there were people waiting--people with experience. You could see in their eyes that this wasn't something new to them. I, on the other hand, was fidgeting with everything my fingers could get a hold of. My heart was beating outrageously fast and I was afraid I was getting sweaty. I looked around to see where the toilets were and I quickly picked up my bag. “Okay, now is not the time to be this extremely nervous", I said to myself, “Calm down and get yourself together, it's just one audition, if I don't make it, there will be others.” I forced myself to walk slowly and with confidence to the restrooms and make it seem like I wasn't a total newbie. Whew: I made it. I fixed my hair and my make-up (which I already had done like 5 minutes ago), sprayed some more deodorant just to be safe and let out a big sigh. I felt more calm, but when I lifted my hands, my fingers were still shaky. “Damn”, I whispered. Annoyed by my extreme nervousness I walked out too quickly, and bumped into a guy who was holding hot coffee. “Ah shit!” He shouted. “Ah shit”, I whispered to myself. Damn, how could this have happened. This day was just one big disaster. Not only had I been stuck in traffic, therefore completely stressed out when I arrived, I also managed to arrive two hours early. I seemed to have messed up the timing in my haste or something. Then when I got here, I couldn't find the script we were auditioning for and remembered I left in my car... my other car!!! (Technically I don't have two cars, but yesterday I kind of broke my car and now I have a temporary one.) Since after the small accident I was already kinda forgetful and stuff, I thought it would be best to just relax and not do anything about the script. So therefore I hadn't looked for it and thought that it was in the car.. or something. Well whatever I just forgot it anyway. But luckily they made me a copy so in the two hours that I was early, I glanced through it just to let it slip my mind again. Aaargh, this is the worst first audition ever. The only good thing is that it probably can't get any worse... Or so I thought.

“Oh, I'm so sorry”, I looked at the man with as much regret as I could force into my eyes. “Can I get you something?” I hysterically ran to grab some tissues and started wiping of some of the hot coffee that was on his--damn!--expensive-looking suit. “Damn, damn...” I sighed, feeling that I just wanted to be buried alive. I smiled at him with my most innocent look and said: “Are you okay, I was so stupid, not looking out when I walked out of the ladies room, I can't believe that I ruined your (peeking at the brand) Hugo Boss suit (Dying inside, externally still looking innocent).” The man looked at me, and--thank god!--he was smiling back at me. “It's okay, these things happen.” Oh my! I was extremely relieved. If I had to pay back his suit, then that would cost me like two years... Okay, maybe not that long, but .. long enough. "Is it okay? Cause I feel so guilty, not looking out and bumping into you when you were holding hot coffee...” Hmm, I thought quickly, I can't buy him a new suit, but I CAN buy him something else! “Can I get you a new one? Um...a coffee, not a suit.”
“That's a nice offer, let me think about that. But excuse me I'll first have to think of a solution to my suit problem, and besides, you weren't the only one not paying attention.” He gave me such a warm smile that I almost melted. He was my hero for the day I decided. Suddenly I felt better again and was thinking that maybe this day wasn't all about unhappy things. Or so I thought.... (I hate that sentence!) The man walked away from me and said that he'd be looking forward to my audition. I replied thank you to the man and didn't really think about what he just said, relieved as I was. I wanted to walk back to the hallway, but some guy was blocking my path. I looked at him with a expression saying “who are you to block my path, just when everything is going better again?!!” But when our eyes met, I fell silent and my eyes were only saying things like “What did I do wrong?" The guy was insanely mad. My jaw dropped and I was making this "O" with my face. Must have looked real dumb.

"Is that how you get to pass an audition?" he said to me in an aggressive tone. My jaw dropped even further and my eyes became wider. *snap* Wow.. What the hell. I regained consciousness and looked at him with my bitch attitude! I’ll show him, I thought. He's got nothing to say about me! "What are you talking about?" I asked him. The guy put on some kind of evil smirk when he explained it to me. "You think I didn't see that just now? You talking to the executive director of the movie you are auditioning for today? And if you tell me that this was all just a coincidence, than you are by far the worst liar I've ever met." His tone sounded very threatening. I felt shivers running up and down my spine and my usual rhetoric was slipping from my tongue. How could he think that accidentally bumping into someone who was holding coffee could be a technique to pass an audition? The guy obviously was crazy and in no state to listen to me. So I just ended our conversation with something like this: “Whatever you think, I don't care, if I get the audition then maybe you're right, and if I don't get the audition, then maybe you aren't. Who knows. I don’t care what you think, just leave me alone" Ha... how does that feel! I wanted to walk away proudly when the guy gave a parting shot: “If you think that I'm just some random guy you'll never see again, then you might be mistaken. See you next time.” Aargh, I don't want to see that guy again. What does he mean by seeing him again? Is he also some kind of director? Will he also be one of the judges during my audition?!! Oh please noooo!! I don't want to do the audition anymore!! Maybe this is the worst day ever after all....

part 2

Aargh, what was that guy thinking! If it were up to me, I would never see that guy ever again! My hands were trembling again and I needed to calm down. I looked at the clock and it was already ten past two. The time of the audition was already ten minutes late. I was back to the hallway with the other auditioners and some were also staring at the clock. It took another five minutes before the doors were opened. A man came out from the doors and I recognised him. He was the guy I bumped into. So the angry guy was probably right about him being the executive director. For some reason I felt ashamed, like I had lost the fight between that annoying guy. Especially when the executive director looked me in the eyes and smiled at me. I smiled back with a painful smile. How can the other guy not think it was part of some crazy plan of mine when the result was so favorable for me. I closed my eyes and tried to relax again. It was an accident, and it just turned out good for me. And maybe not even that. Maybe he thinks as me as nothing more than a funny girl who is utterly incapable of acting? And that's why he smiled! ...or something like that. But why am I making excuses? Just because that guy said something like that. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't even be thinking of making excuses for something that was just an accident! I clenched my fists and started breathing normally. I stretched out my hands again and I told myself to just focus on the audition. Oh shit, the audition. I had sort of forgotten it. I should have been preparing it and not forgetting it. Uh, how did it go again? What were my lines?

We were led into a room where there was a table for the 'judges' and there was a chair standing in the middle of the room in order to play the scene that we were supposed to have prepared. Some were looking around kind of nervously and some were mumbling some of the lines. I was just sort of spacing out. But the good thing was that that stupid guy wasn't here, so he wasn't in the team of judges. That relieved me, but I was still afraid that he would come in the doors any minute to tell everyone how I tried to deceive the executive director and was a slut... Or something like that. Not that I am a slut: In fact, I have only had sex with two people, but that's not the point here. The point is that I'm spacing out and that I'll probably mess up my lines horribly.

The executive director stood up from his chair behind the table and addressed us all when he said: “Welcome everybody, thank you for coming today. My name is Maurice Goodman and I'm the executive director of this movie. Beside me are...” My attention slipped away during his brief introduction, but when he said that there was a stand-in for the counterpart, for some reason my attention sharped. Could it be that I subconsciously felt my doom coming up? And so the doors opened... and my eyes widened as the angry guy from earlier strode through the doorway. I was completely speechless. My jaw had dropped 10 inches and I heard a sound coming out my mouth. I quickly tried to recover myself by coughing it up and smiling as fast as I could. My heart was racing again. This day is gonna give me a heart attack, I thought.
Maurice continued, “His name is Stefano Drago and today he will replace the leading actor for this movie Mike Ricardo, sorry for the inconvenience, but try to act your best” The only relief was that if, for some reason, I managed to get the part, I wouldn’t have to act the whole movie with him, which would definitely give me a heart attack.
Stefano turned to us and said that he would try to do his best and he would try to act as much as possible the way the leading actor would, so that the person being chosen would also fit with Mike Ricardo. The round of introductions was finally over. We were moved back into the hallway and one by one we were called into the room to perform the scene we practiced. While we waited, I struggled to practice my lines and did my best to get in character, but before I knew it my name was called: “Alexandra Symons?”

Oh my god, I was totally not ready yet! I came into the room and there was Stefano sitting on the chair. The other people (the judges) were silently staring at me. Stefano was looking at me with some kind of demonic grin. He would so not let me pass this audition. Could I just run away now and let it all be over? “Please start, Ms. Symons,” Mr. Goodman (executive director) told me. I guess it was too late to run away now. But, I shouldn’t be such a coward, I told myself. What was all this running away shit... From the age of nine, all I had wanted was to be an actress. The day my mother died, I decided that I would do what she wasn't allowed to do: to follow my dreams. I had gone to one of the best acting schools known in the world and finished everything on schedule. I had done this by myself! And now, I wanted to run away? That won't do.... And I felt courage streaming through my veins. I was going to do this! And so I started the audition....

part 3

Okay, so my new courage was trying to help me out, but when I looked at the guy sitting on the chair (Stefano...what kind of name is that anyway?) it slowly flowed away. But all I had to do was start before none remained, so I did.

“How can you make me do this?” I said with a passive aggressive tone belying the fear in my eyes. I was using my body language to give the feeling that I was feeling powerless, but also trying to make it seem like I was in control of the situation. I thought my opening so far wasn't that bad. The scene was about a woman named Michelle (my part) who is the mistress of a rich and wealthy man named Kyle (his part) and he wants her to sleep with a guy named Ronald who is married to Kimberly, who is the woman Kyle really loves. Of course Kyle didn't tell Michelle he in fact loves Kimberly and not her, but told her instead that when Kyle and Kimberly will divorce he would become rich and that he and Michelle would both share the money and he would marry her. But Michelle has already witnessed him kissing with Kimberly and now doesn't believe his lies anymore. The only problem is that she still loves him, perhaps more than she wants to admit to herself. In the end, she says yes to the job he has given her, hoping that her loyalty might make him love her more...

Stefano glared at me. He changed his position and he seemed even more threatening than he did before. He was now leaning towards me, still only looking and not saying his lines. I couldn't help but think about where he was trying to get to. If he didn't say his lines, then how could I say mine? I mean if he hates me because of the incident, then he still doesn't have to make this audition impossible for me, does he? Does he want me to say his lines or something? I opened my mouth to say something, but then he started to speak. “I'm not making you do this,” He said to me in a low voice and somehow making it sound like he was correcting me, “it's just a request” He made a gesture with his hands to make it look like there was no weight carried in his answer. But I could feel that there was an underlying meaning in the way he said it and in his nonchalant gesture. If I did not carry out his plan then he would also consider our relationship nonchalantly. The way he could make the sentence so threatening while saying it in a nonchalant way was really impressive. I could feel the need to make him understand that I didn't look at our relationship as something unimportant and felt myself changing into a defensive pose.

“Is it?” Shit... my defensive pose didn't fit with the lines.... Or did it? I was confused. I hadn't practiced the scene like this. I had thought that Michelle was a fierce woman filled with passion and that she would say that sentence with aggression in her voice and not in a defensive one. That she was still mad at him for deceiving her and kissing Kimberly. But this reaction maybe wasn't so bad. Because she desperately loves him, so any sign of him leaving her would make her chase him and therefore a defensive pose isn't wrong. But it still annoyed me, that he made me act this way and have him lead the scene!

I subtly changed my pose back into a more aggressive one, so maybe I could get a hold of the situation again and act this scene the way I had imagined it. “This...request, you ask of me,” slowly coming closer towards Stefano, who was still sitting on the chair, “do you know what sleeping with another man involves? Do you think I'm some kind of whore?” I stared him fiercely in the eyes, looking from one eye to the other, while saying this sentence without raising my voice too much, giving the feeling that I had control over this conversation and not he. But he just sat there again. Not moving one inch, while I was using all kinds of body language, he used almost none. He just sat in the same aggressive way as in the beginning. Why would he do that? I tried to examine his pose more clearly and realised that he also was somehow demeaning me with his pose. As if he didn't take me seriously. He didn't need to change his pose since I couldn't force him to change. My aggressiveness hadn't meant anything to him, because he already knew that I would give in. I wasn't getting a hold of the situation. He out acted me, with just doing that much.

I felt my courage fading away and I just couldn't get my strength back. though I finished the scene (Messing up a sentence, thinking he was supposed to say something, which wasn't so) I felt completely drained. This wasn't good enough to pass the audition. I knew I had failed. I thanked the judges for their time and thanked my co-actor (Not so willingly though) for working with me (ASS!) and walked towards the door with a feeling of defeat. Just when I was already thinking about wanting to eat chocolate and ice cream and watching some drama under a warm blanket, I heard someone call my name. “Alexandra?, If you have a minute?" It was the voice of Maurice. Maurice? What could he want to discuss with me? So I turned around and wondered what it could be. “Yes, I've got a minute,” I replied.

part 4

Maurice led me into a small room and flipped on the lights. I was still kind of perplexed that he had just called out my name. The only reason I could think of was that it must of had something to do with the coffee. Maybe he changed his mind about his suit? He did want me to pay for it? So I asked him: " Is it about the coffee?" He laughed and said that it wasn't about the coffee. "You don't have to worry about the coffee incident, But it did make me see something, which I else might have missed" He told me, still having a smile on his face. So... it wasn't about the coffee... but it did make him see something... and that something.. had something to do with me? I wondered what it could be, but as long as it was positive everything seemed fine to me. He continued: "Though I'm the executive director of this movie, I'm also working on another project. It's still a low-budget project, but we're still working on getting some more sponsors. Anyway, the audition dates are still not known yet because there are some differences in opinions. I think the lead role fits better with an unknown actress, to keep it fresh, so to say. And when you bumped into me, I just saw you fit in that role. It was like a realization, do you understand?" He was telling me this with sparkles in his eyes and so I nodded (Though I didn't really understand, but it was still sounding very positive everything, but I had trouble realising he was talking about me) "I think you are perfect for the role" (me??) He stretched out his arms and put them on my shoulders. He smiled at me with a perfect set of teeth. He was standing quite close to me and I got kind of nervous. His strong hands were feeling very comforting and then I got sort of distracted.

He had nice brown hair, which were a little curly, but you could see that he didn't like that so he had tried to pin it down with some gel or wax, which made it look real cool. His face, was quite handsome too and his eyes--still focused on me--were cute blue ones. He knew how to dress himself, but I had already seen that when I had looked to see what brand his suit was. In total... he was kind of hot. And standing so close to him and his hands on my shoulders... and no one was around, I couldn't really focus on his words anymore. "So what do you say?" He asked me. Uh.. whoops..."Uh, yeah sounds good" I replied, but to what did I reply to? "Great, then you can have my card. Call me in about a week, than I can tell you the date." Date? Is he talking about a date? With me? And he just gave me his card? Why didn't I pay attention!?

He handed me over his card and I smiled at him. I still felt really stupid for getting distracted and not listening to what he had said. Now I didn't really know about why I was supposed to call in a week time. I guess I just had to try to call him without giving him the idea that I didn't know what I was calling him about. I'm an actress.... so something like that should be doable, right? After the conversation he led me back to the auditioning room and I had almost forgotten about Stefano. He was telling me with his eyes, that he was right about me, being the kind of person that would do anything to get to play a role. And again, how could I make this not seem as though I had planned this from the start? Having the executive director at the end of the audition take me apart into a small room and then both coming out with a smile on their faces. This must look really bad. Hopefully my clothing was still in order, or else the slut part would also be possible to imagine. He looked away again and said he was going to excuse himself. Oh god... what did That mean? My smile was already faded and was more looking like a weak attempt to one. Maurice went back to his chair and told me to call him. At least he had guts. Now all I had to do was walk out the door, avoid Stefano, get my car, and drive home...and then eat chocolate and watch a drama. That could be done right? Oh...and think about what Maurice actually told me... what date had he been talking about? And why is it that everytime Maurice makes me happy, Stefano makes me depressed?

"Yes, I've got your card, I'll call you in a week" I answered Maurice. I mean, what the hell, why should I care? (And besides, Stefano was not in the room anymore) And so I walked out the room, thinking hard of ways to avoid Stefano. But when I came in the hallway, I couldn't see him. Was he going to let me walk out of here? Or maybe he wasn't waiting for me at all and was I just imagining things. Anyway, I walked as fast as I could to my car, still thinking Stefano might pop up any moment to block my path and demean me, but nothing of that sort happened and I managed to find my car, without anyone blocking my path. Somehow, I felt kind of paranoid. I started the engine and drove home. Now all I had to do was wait for a week and then call Maurice about a date. One week wasn't that long right?

part 5

The next day after the audition, I decided that I was going to buy a pet. something fluffy and cute, that when I would arrive home, there would be something more waiting for me then just my teddy bear. Something alive at least. I had moved here two weeks ago, after my graduation, but my apartment still looked as though it wasn't ready to be inhabited. Some boxes were still left unopened and I still hadn't decorated anything. The walls looked rather pale. Even my personal things hadn't been put somewhere. I had been waiting for my first audition to start personalizing my apartment. Somehow it felt still unreal to be living here by myself and finally doing real auditions. But I had decided that after my first audition that I would start to really live the way I wanted to. So now was the time. And the first thing I was going to do was buy a pet. So there I was... at the pet shop. seeing all those fluffy animals. Bunnies, Hamsters, Cats, Dogs and a parrot. Then how come.... when I arrived home, none of those animals were taken by me, but instead, a gold fish...

I named it Bob. I put it (he? she?) on my bedside table and started a conversation with my new found friend. "Hello Bob," I said and took a sip from my glass of liquor cuarenta y tres. "My name is Alexandra, but my friends call me Alex. Which I hate. But anyway, who cares, I don't have friends. But if I had friends, I would want them to call me Queen Lexia." I let out some hysterical laughter and emptied my still half-full glass in a single gulp. I continued my little conversation with Bob and I felt that he (Since Bob is a guy's name) was a really good listener. I didn't care anymore that he wasn't fluffy and wouldn't joyfully welcome me home when I arrived back from my hard day of work, but more importantly, he would listen to me. Listen to all my troubles and tell me everything was okay. I could tell from the way he opened his mouth and closed it again. I told him all about my family troubles and how my father had tried to get rid of me after I turned 18. He had given me a letter saying that I wasn't his real daughter and that he didn't want to take care of me anymore. How I had to leave home and suddenly had no family anymore to rely on. My mom had already died when I was a kid and I was an only child. My father had given me my birth certificate alongside with the letter and with only that I had left home. I hadn't talked to my father since. This part of me wasn't something I wanted others to know about. I felt ashamed of being an unwanted child, Ashamed of being a child of a man I did not know and ashamed of being a person without a family. I didn't have friends or at least no real ones and I have always had troubles opening up to people. I didn't like people getting too close. Maybe that's why I wanted to be an actress.

Tears were pouring out my eyes. My mascara was completely smudged and I was crying out loud. After three glasses of liquor my emotional stability was gone and I kept on thinking about things I didn't want to think about. I wanted to call my dad, saying how everything was going okay. I wanted him to know how I managed to do all the things myself and I wanted him to tell me... that he was still thinking about me.... I wanted him to say he misses me... Tears were rolling of my cheeks and with my hands I tried to wipe them away. My breathing was unstable and I was tasting the salt of my tears. "Mom... Dad..." I cried...I looked at Bob who was making circles in the small bowl and I calmed down a bit. I knew Bob was there for me. I blew a trembling hand kiss to him and told him good night. After that I fell fast asleep.

The next morning when I woke up, my head was feeling as if it had been decapitated but somehow still attached, just to make sure I was able to feel the pain, before dying of blood loss. My vision was still blurry and for a second I didn't know where I was, but then slowly my mind came back to me again. My apartment. Yesterday too much liquor. And Bob. I looked at my right and there was indeed Bob, my trustworthy guardian. I got up from the bed and took a nice long shower. Why had I drunk so much yesterday? Stupid me.. I was totally not able to consume any amounts of alcohol whatsoever. As far as I can remember, the times when I had drunk some had always turned out bad. One time there was this incident with one of my former boyfriends, when I had been shouting at a party that he had a small one. The relationship didn't last long. And the other time... I couldn't really remember a thing, only the day after I woke up in a kitchen. A kitchen... I got out of the house as soon as I could and when I got out I didn't even knew the surroundings. I got a cab and had him drive me home.. Which turned out to be only 2 blocks away. Anyway, alcohol is a no no! I survived the rest of the day by staying away from too much sunlight and drinking a lot of water. At the end of the day my headache had gradually become less. The rest of the week I worked at my part-time job as a dressed-up donut passing around flyers. How I loved (massive sarcasm) my part-time job. It was the only thing where I could work with flexible hours and paid my rent. Oh and somewhere in the week, I got a call from the casting agency telling me I hadn't passed the audition. But more importantly, the week was over and I could finally call Maurice! I took his business card out from my wallet and started dialing his number.

part 6

"Maurice" Said the voice on the other line of the telephone. Oh, I had dialed the right number, thank god. My heart was beating faster as I tried to remember what I needed to say to him. "Uh, this is Alexandra Symons, from the audition? The one from the coffee incident?" I tried to make it sound casual, but because I was a little nervous it didn't sound as fluently as I had hoped. There was a short pause and my heart skipped a beat. “Ah, yes. Thanks for calling, I was waiting for your call. Anyway, I hoped you had some time at the end of this month.” At the end of this month? I still didn't really have a clue about what this was about, but I decided to just go for it and see what it was. It couldn't be something bad, could it? "Yeah, sure, I mean I guess so, cause I haven't uh planned something at the end of the month yet, so this could be ... planned." I could just slap myself in the face. You know when it sometimes happens that you're thinking of the wrong things at the wrong moment? Well, I was doing so. I couldn't help myself. I just had to think of Maurice and me standing in that little room and well I kind of had some fantasies about that. Guys aren't the only ones that think of sex a lot. Not that I think of sex a lot... I mean, not that much... I think. But I kind of kept imagining him without a shirt on and such. And his voice was really sexy on the telephone. Oh, I should focus!

“Well, okay then. Cause I got you an audition in that movie I was talking about. So now you're kind of a special case, since you'll be the only inexperienced actress auditioning for that role. I hope you're up for it." He said with a warm (and sexy) voice. So this was what it was all about. An audition. I was relieved by this new information that it was just something normal. But I would be the only inexperienced one? That sounded scary. But I also felt this was a great opportunity. And that he arranged that all for me and that I was a special case, didn't almost sound too good to be true? But I was too happy to really think of it as something else and didn't want to ruin my happy mood. "Oh yeah, totally" Why did I reply with totally? I hate that word! "okay then, I'll send you the script and everything else you need to know and I'll see you on the audition." He waited a short moment before he continued again." But even though, I got you the audition you'll be on your own, I won't help you out any further. You understand that right? You still have to pass the audition on your own strength" His voice was more serious now. I felt like I understood. He got me the audition but that was it. The rest was up to me. It sounded good to me. If I was to pass an audition I wanted it to be by my own strength anyway, so actually this was really great! "Yeah, I understand. I also want to do this by my own strength, so thank you for doing this for me" I said with a happy voice. I was getting all hyper now. I got an audition! Thanks to Maurice! Could it be that he liked me or something? Yeah that would be nice, but that would also be really not actually true. I mean... I'm just one of the million wannabe actresses anyway. But still, fantasies are fantasies. I guess he just thought that there was a tiny chance that I might be fit for some creepy role and that it was actually really difficult to find actresses to play that part, or something. "Well, I guess that's it, so hopefully see you at the audition" Maurice hung up and I was still feeling euphoric. I really wanted to know what the script was going to be like and which role he had thought was fit for me. I went to bed early that day and hadn't slept so good since ever.

But still. I also had some other audition that month as well. And it felt wrong to just ditch those and think I could easily pass the audition Maurice arranged for me. I wasn't thinking that highly of me. So the first audition I went to after the phone call, which was technically my second audition, was about me playing the character of a patient in a hospital series having a rare disease, involving something with a nose that was getting bigger and bigger. It was supposed to be very emotional. Sure. The audition was really awkward, since we got this fake nose put on our face and it didn't really stick that well and it was hard to speak my lines. But it seemed everyone was having this problem. What was strange however, was that I was getting a little paranoid. When I was walking through the hallway I almost bumped into to someone and for a moment I thought it was that Stefano guy and It freaked me out for a second. But then it turned out to be that he was just some random guy from the technical team. At the third audition I had that month however, my paranoia wasn't misplaced. I really could have sworn that Stefano was also auditioning for one of the roles. This time I had been auditioning for a movie about some kind of super-species that tried to take over the world by using flesh eating plants. My role would have been a spy from the normal human race that was a biotechnologist and had access of inside information about those plants. Very interesting. Anyway, Before my audition, there was a bunch of guys coming out the audition room and I really thought one of them was Stefano, so I looked around and asked someone of the staffs for which roles the guys had been auditioning. And it was some kind of role where the character was one of the super species which fell in love with a human spy who was a biotechnologist. Oh, my, god! So I sort of screwed that audition up. Obviously! I mean, seriously, I don't ever want to be acting in the same movie with him and most definitely not as his forbidden lover!

The fourth audition was a complete failure. My day had already started bad, because my alarm clock hadn't worked and so I was late. But I also apparently had learned the wrong script and therefor said something completely different then I was supposed to. Anyway, I have already forgotten about that one. And now it was time for the fifth! The one from Maurice! It was finally the end of the month and I had already studied the script over and over. I had tried to find as much information I could find and looked through some other movies which might give me some more insight on how to act this part. I had tried my utmost best to be perfect for this role! Any way, I hoped so of course. But I did feel like the part could fit me really well. I also felt that I kind of really wanted to play that girl. She was a little like me in some ways. So here I was. Ready to rock that audition, when something came into my sight. Something I did not want in my sight. Something that could make me mess up my audition big time. Someone named Stefano. What the HELL was HE doing HERE??!!

part 7

Seriously, was it his plan to mess up my life or something? How could he be standing there! This was the one audition I had seriously put in my all, my everything and now the guy I wished never to see again, was going to mess it up. He suddenly looked my way and I ran. I hid in the ladies room. How was I going to solve this disastrous situation? I washed my face with cold water and looked in the mirror. The water was dripping of my face but thankfully, my makeup was still intact. Nonetheless, I put on some extra mascara and some blush. Then I decided that it was a little too much and tried to get some off again. Oh, I had to find some courage somewhere. Why was I running away like that? First of all, I must have looked really foolish. But second, I was not that much of a coward, was I? I fixed my hair (again) and left the ladies room. I was just going to do this audition the way I planned this. I had learned the script by heart and I even acted some time as if I was the character. My characters name was Lynn by the way.

Lynn was adopted when she was little. But when she turned 18, she decided to search for her real father. She starts this journey by herself and visits her birth country. But the only thing she has is a picture of her mother. She had also found out that her mother acted in some movies and she hopes that she can find some people that know about her mother's love life. She finally meets some people who knew her mother and they give her a name. So she decides to visit the person and when she meets him, after telling him her story he indeed tells her that he could be her father. She is thrilled to maybe have finally found her father and she is invited to stay over. He turns out to be a divorced man and has one son. That son however, isn't thrilled at all, with this new sister of his and so they start on bad terms. But the father wants them to become like a real brother and sister, so he sends them out to do things together, to strengthen their bounds. At some time however, they get drunk. And Lynn suddenly gets confused. In the time they spend doing things together, she realises she has developed some feelings for him, even though she knows that he dislikes her. But the alcohol and the way they’re having fun for the first time together makes her head spin. He brings her home and puts her on the bed. For a moment nothing happens, but then she stretches out her arms and pulls him closer. He doesn’t resist. They are dangerously close to each other and both thinking that this is not supposed to happen, especially since they are quite possibly blood relatives--brother and sister. But their brains don't seem to be working and they kiss. And then there is just no holding back and they have a heated one-night-stand. And the extremely awkward next morning is what is in the script for my audition today.

I was nervously standing in the hallway with the other actresses when suddenly Maurice came up to me. “Alexandra,” he said with a smile. “I'm really glad you came.” Oh, thank god Maurice was here. I smiled back at him. “Yeah, I'm here" I Could have said something a little more exciting. Anyway, I had forgotten for a moment that he was also here at the audition (Kind of logical since he made this all possible for me) But it really made me happy, to know that he was there and it made me feel relieved. There are also nice guys like this in the world. Nice sexy guys. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" What could it be this time? “Uh, yeah sure" I answered. I followed him to some room and this time again it was a small room. It felt like a deja vu. This time I was sure to let my imagination NOT run wild and carefully listen to what he was going to say. It is good to learn from previous mistakes. "I wanted to tell you that I've tried to help you out a bit with the audition" Nice! He was really becoming my hero if he would continue like this. But there was a small part in my brain that did warn me a little, especially for guys that are real nice at the beginning but dump you when they're not useful to you anymore. I just hoped that he wasn't that kind of guy. “I got you to do the audition with Stefano”, he said with a proud voice. OMG! What the hell? How in the world is that going to HELP me with the audition?? “Uh, thank you”, I replied with no emotion in my voice. I was just too perplexed. How could he have gotten the idea, doing the audition with Stefano, would help me? "When I saw you two doing the audition last time, the beginning was really strong. If you hadn't messed up one of the lines and started showing that you were nervous, there would have been a good chance you would have gotten the part. So I thought I'd help you out to act with him again and this time do it right. " Noooo, what was happening? Not Stefano! But still I nodded trying to put on a smile and then he continued: "So I asked Stefano, if he wanted to do another audition with you and he clearly remembered you and said he would. I wanted to tell you earlier, but Stefano still wasn't sure if he could make it, but he made it. Isn't that great?" I wasn't sure anymore if Maurice was still my hero, more something like my doom bringer. I said thank you again with pain in my soul and he lead me out of the room. "I'll bring you to Stefano then, so you have some time to practice, and I just want to let you know, that I have faith in you" He gave me a wink and a shoulder pat. I was dying inside.

“Hey, Alexandra”, Stefano said, "So we meet again.”

part 8

So we meet again, indeed. I was starting to think that Stefano was some kind of stalker, a very evil stalker, but I didn't want to become paranoid. So I just convinced myself it was all just a bad coincidence. "Well, excuse me now", Maurice said to us, "I still need to do some arrangements" He left with a single wave. "Noooo, don't gooo!", my inner self was screaming. I turned and looked at Stefano, he was putting up an evil smirk. But that wasn't going to let me down, straight to business is the best option. "So, it's just you and me now?" I said casually. "Then let's start shall we?"

Not that I had any idea how to start or knew what to do, but sometimes it's better to just pretend you know what to do even if you don't. Okay, I'm not sure why that should be better but I needed to at least pretend I wasn't feeling extremely nervous, right?
"Start with practicing you mean?" He said to me, "How do you want to start?" He looked at me with challenging eyes. "Just by starting with the lines" I replied to him. He nodded. "Sure, let's start then shall we?" For some reason that sounded like something I already said. Did he just take over the conversation?

"We need to talk" I said to him with a more serious voice.
I walked towards him and reached for his arm. “What happened last night, it's just... it... we're...” I couldn't finish my sentence. The fact that we're probably brother and sister just made it feel so wrong. I couldn't look him in the eyes, but I needed to see what he was thinking. So I looked up, and he was smiling at me with sarcasm. Ah annoying guy! I immediately snapped out of my character and abruptly let go of his arm. What was he thinking? "Is that how you interpreted the role?" He gave me a stern look. I was getting kind of pissed. "Yeah I did, what's so wrong about it then?" I tried to say it to him with a neutral tone. He gave me a smile. "I didn't say there was anything wrong about it, but I was curious why you think your character would act that way" "Whaddayamean?"I just don't see how it fits in her role to be grabbing his arm" He casually spoke. .. "But I thought that after a one night stand and the guy is not confronting her… she would want to touch him. Just too somehow make it clear that what happened last night was real. That if she touched him she could feel that it was the same as what she had touched last night." For some reason I was all fired up. I had tried my best for this part and I really had thought about how she would feel and react. How could that jerk just tell me in the first 5 seconds that it was wrong?

This was my audition! I was going to nail this audition! And he was going to work with me and make me get my part! I decided to be stubborn and that we were going to do this my way. So that’s what I told him. He actually agreed and told me that he would play along. So okay… I restarted the scene, said my first line and grabbed his arm. I looked up at him and this time when he looked down at me, he looked angry and frustrated. Just the way I had imagined. We kept on acting and saying our lines. It actually all went rather smooth. It was perfect! Well almost anyway. The tension seemed to fade away. But I need the tension! This is creepy!

I must have been staring, because all of sudden Stefano snapped his fingers in front of my face. “So we’re not related?” He asked me. “What?” what was that guy saying? He raised an eyebrow. “Your line….?” What? Oh… Ah I could kill that guy! But then I came up with a rapid rejoinder: “What? You want to play the girly part?” I tried to take over control of the situation, but somehow it didn’t really seem to work that well, or something. He sarcastically replied with: “I know I’m good, but they wanted to see 2 people audition for this scene” Whatever, I’m just going to ignore it and show him that I don’t care and that’s always the best thing to do when dealing with annoying people!
Anyway, so we continued our practice and this time I was sure not to lose my focus. And we finished the scene rather good. Actually it was rather like I had imagined the scene to be. So just when I was about to do a happy dance, some random guy stuck his head around the door and told us it was time to do the audition. My nerves filled up my stomach and I tried to calm myself by taking a deep breath.
I followed the random guy to the door and Stefano was right behind me. I could hardly breathe. But the only thing that made me confident again was that if we would do the audition exactly as we had practiced, then I could show them my best!

Unfortunately…. Stefano tapped me on my shoulder just before we walked in the room. He came closer and whispered in my ear:
“Just so you know…. I’m going to improvise” And he left me standing there, while he entered the room.
Nooo waaay!