Seminals

**No i don't really got a sentense, i don't really work that way. I knew it. Our boat was headed into something. I just changed tha batterys. My chronic use of eye drops runined my puples. I lost my soul in a dice game. This is what i kept telling her. she looked at me like insanity was pouring from my oribal sockets. Insanity. Insanity.
"Wait, i don't understand, why do you not have a pulse?"
"because, i just told you, i lost my soul in a dice game." I shot back
"OK, lets be real for a second."
"I am being real, bitch, i don't have a soul. If you don't beleive me take it up with your god."
"Look, i'm going to call the police." She said
She was saying all that like i had any other option. Like i had hidden my pulse in my locker before coming into her office. Like i could walk out side, grab it and come back in and we'd all laugh about what a funny joke it was.
"Look lady. I am sorry this is making your job difficult, but how do you think i feel? I can't blow stream on a window, i can't vote, i can't get a goverment job, tha only good part is your not allowed to be called for jury dutie without a soul. Just put a check mark on that paper and we'll all move on with our God forsaken lives."
"No, I can't do that. That would be against orders."
So I couldn't play soccer that year.
let me tell you something. No one wants to be friends without being sure you have a soul. Its noticeable, they could all tell. no one wanted to talk to me. In class they made me sit in the back, so i stopped going. My parents wouldn't pass me tha salt anymore so i stopped eating. You can't even getting a goddamn free library card, so i stopped reading. I just lay there, on my bed looking at tha ceiling. I couldn't cry, even if i wanted to. I wanted to be strong. What Would Jesus Do? I hate that saying, because i think we all know what jesus would do, he was have god give him a cheat code or something. he could cheat. I would to if my dad was God. If my dad was God i would have 100 souls, but he isn't and thats tha goddamn truth about it.
I remember what i was dreaming too. I was dreaming in color, really vivid color about a toy train set. I was dreaming that i was back in my childhood home and my parents we're cleaning tha house, but i was to young to help in tha dream so they just had me doing whatever, walking around and such. they we're cleaning deep so everything was all moved around and stuff, like tables in tha hallways and a heavy sent of pinesol and bleach blanketed everything. but my Aunt Ginnie had brought me a train set. And it was brilliant colored and wrapped tha walls in my room. And my carpt was blue and tha train ran by itself around tha tracks and it was awsome. And all tha kids in tha neighborhood wanted too see it and i let them come in, and it was so happy. And we all smiled, and they all loved me. And then i woke up.
My mother was standing beside my bed, her hands propped high on her bony hips looking at me like i wasn't her son. Looking at me like she hated me. She told me i had to go.
"Me and your father talked it over, its time for you to move out. Now."
"Wait mom, where will i go? what? are you being serious?"
"yes, your father and i talked it over. get out of my house."
That was it, that was all i needed to hear. I packed a backpack full of Oreos and my stamp collection and took to tha road. I hit tha citys, i hit tha contrey, i hit vegas, i became a Muslim. I dabbled in Catholicism. But i wouldn't dare to become a jew, even if they promised me my soul back, it was just too dangerous. I couldn't swim, and sometimes i stood along a bridge vomiting into tha water below, listening to it slap tha surface and i 'd wonder what would happen if i jumped in. It looked so freaking cold and black. Would they miss me then, i duno, but i kept moving. I bought a tee-pee with some of my stamps, i bought 2 toy light sabers, and three gum balls and tha next thing i knew my stamp collection was gone. I boarded trains with no tickets, and i hung out behind bars drinking tha last sips out of used bottles. I was a renegade, i lived tha life that our parents warned us all about.