..Blink..

Electric. I have sensation. I cannot trust my eyes. Are they open? Absence. Everything is black. Floating. Body, mind, time, all liquid. I’m swimming. Delusion. Where am I? I’m floating. Everything is tingly. I think I’m in water. It’s peaceful. No noise, no light, no disturbance. I feel so lonely. I feel kind of happy. No… I feel nothing. It’s quite profound, this new sense. Floating. Infinite. I wonder where I am. How deep am I? I can’t feel the temperature. Floating. Days go by. Or maybe just a few seconds. I can’t feel time. I don’t need time. I try making myself have emotion. I try to hate being lonely. My fake anger flushes to fake sadness and back to nothing. A wonderful nothing. What am I? I feel nothing, see nothing, hear nothing, but I think I may be something. I should be afraid. I’m not though. I’m fine. I decide to just float. It‘s peaceful. I think I’ll just lay here for awhile. Spinning. I think I’m spinning. I can hear something. It’s high-pitched. My ears start to tear. Blink.

My head hurts. I’m laying on something cold and solid. I think I’m laying on rock. I can hear again. I hear dripping. Where am I now? It’s so cold. I can feel again! I start to crave the cold. It feels wonderful. It awakes me. I feel enlightened by it’s frigid touch. I can see something. It’s a light . It’s blurry. I can’t see well. My eyes aren’t working properly. Relax. I ignore the light and lay my head back on my comfort. My frigid, icy mattress. Stop. My eyes are open again. The light is brighter. “Go away!” I scream, “Leave me alone!”. The light is hitting me, peeling my eyes open, burning me, pulling me away. I swat furiously at the light, reaching towards my tangible happiness. Craving. “I need my stone!”. I smash my face against the floor. I smash. And I smash. And I smash. And I cry. And I smash. And I smash. And I laugh. Something has my ankles. The light rips me away. I lose my addiction. I lose my cold. Blink.

Vomit. I wipe my mouth. Hands. I can use my hands. And I can see. Clarity. This feeling, these hands. It’s rapture. Shudder. Touch. Everything is exploding. I can feel. It’s all dark again, but there is a sphere in front of me. Little black specks dance around it. I watch. Zoom. The specks have grouped up. They have made buildings. They have started a small society. The specks start to multiply. Debauchery. Pestilence. They start to die. They are no longer happy. They beg me to help. They ask me to save them. I remove the disease. I take away the pain. They are happy. I love how happy they are. I’m not lonely. Conflict. The specks start to hate each other. Opposite factions of specks start to wage war. Smiles drop and armies rise. They are fighting each other. Little black specks with red sprays falling to the ground. War. They both beg me to help them. How dare they! How dare they take the lives of those I have made. How dare they kill their brothers! I make a storm. A giant storm. I tear their tiny bodies away from this rock I have given them. This beautiful home. Start over. Reset. They rebuild. They become happy again. They grow. Heat. A sickly warm wave destroys the crops. They grow sad and lazy. They sit around all day and beg me for mercy. How dare they! They have water, they can feed the crops. But they sit around and cry. I grow furious. Death. I squish them, one by one. Torturing them. How dare they waste everything I’ve worked on. Why don’t they understand this gift. Why don’t they love it. Why don’t they love each other. I make the water rise and drown them. I let disease back in and devour their family members as they watch. I make them turn on each other and kill. I take away their food. I let them grow frail. Then I cover the sphere with my hands so no warmth can reach them. I let them slowly die. Death. This is better than feeling. I start to crave it. I savor every ungrateful life I take away. All of the sudden… Frozen. I’m locked up and I can see the light. Not this time! I try to swing my fist at it, but cannot move. The light grips my throat. I can’t breath. I scream. I try to flail at the sphere. It must be the specks fault! The light engulfs me and I can no long feel anything. Blink.

Floating. I find myself floating again. It’s all dark. This time I know I’m human. This time I know anger. And I am very angry. I scream and I flail, but nothing. Even sound will not grace me with a presence. Suddenly a blue sphere grows before me eyes. The light appears and binds me. I struggle, but give up. There is no reason to fight this. I flash my teeth with a snarl and focus my attention to the sphere. It grows large, and it starts to spin in front of me. Or maybe I am the one moving? I cannot feel anything again. So I watch. Analyze. The specks are back. I try to dimly lash out at them and punish them for what they did, but I cannot move. Constricted. Eternity passes, and the specks haven’t changed a bit. They have large structures built, and billions of specks, but they still fight. They still disgust me. The blue sphere starts to grow a warmer shade. Like someone wants me to love it. I spit blindly into the blackness behind the sphere. A light starts to glow behind me, and I feel an intense pressure on the side of my head. Migraine. It hurts so bad, I scream and flail. I break free for a second, and am immediately slammed against something hard. I can feel the bones in my face breaking as I am pressed harder to the surface. Before I pass out, I am picked up. Salvation. I smile, but it slowly fades away. How dare this light treat me so. I created them, how dare it! Those specks never have to fear the light though. They walk around in it happily, and worship it. How I envy to have a life like that, and how I hate them for it. I will destroy them at whatever cost. I can feel something in myself. I can feel something tearing. The light comes back, but I have no intentions of being caught this time. I have no intentions of ever being caught again. I hurl myself into the blackness and laugh as the light disappears. This is not the last they’ve seen of me. Blink.

Floating. It’s been awhile since I escaped from the light. And feels even longer since I left those disgusting specks. Alert. I crash into something. It’s hard, and dug out. It’s a pocket in the nothing I’m floating in. I crawl inside. Burrow. I dig deeper. I can feel a soft surface all around me. It’s warm, comforting. Trance. I feel like I’m spinning. It’s so soothing. Relaxed. I feel like melting into my tunnel; my home, and never leaving. The spinning feels so nice. I press myself harder against the object. My mind feels like it‘s tearing, but I don‘t care. I don‘t have a single thought in the world. Crash. I’m spinning… like the sphere. I feel my body tense up. The tunnel is pushing harder now, and I can see it starting to grow brighter. “This was a trap!” I scream. Digestion. The light thinks it can devour me so easily! I bark a laugh as I start ripping into the walls. They try to hold strong. They try to push harder. I can feel it starting to quiver though. I start to howl my laughter as I shred the shell I’m encased in. I shriek with pleasure as the light starts to grow dim, and the pressure starts to diminish. Floating. I’ve torn my way out. The light collapses on itself, and fades out of existence. My laughter comes to a halt as the specks float back into my mind. My wide smile fades and is followed by the approach of grinding teeth. I hurl myself back in the direction I ran from. I’ll make them pay. The light can’t help you now. The lonely void now echoes with my screams. Blink.

Irritation. I feel like I’ve been floating forever, with no sight of the sphere anywhere. I can feel my teeth deteriorate as they scrape up against each other. I lash out in all directions, but nothing happens. All around me, nothing. I’m about to break when I see tiny, flickering lights far off. Discovery. As I approach, I see that there are several spheres, in all sorts of colors and sizes. Idea. Perhaps I should practice on destroying these other spheres first. Perhaps this will frighten the specks. Grasp. I start grabbing the spheres, and devouring them. Each crunch, I grow more anxious to visit my sphere. More anxious to show them fear. One by one, the spheres disappear. I look up and see a light. Outburst. A huge sphere of light watching me. Warming me. I won’t fall for this again. I grab the sphere and squeeze it, laughing as it tries to burn my hands. What I once feared most is now my play thing. I give out a low, droning laugh. Focus. I turn my head back to my sphere. All light has escaped it now. I can barely see it. Focus. I get closer and see the wars have ended. The specks have stopped, and are looking at the sky. I feel the need to pull myself away, but cannot. I have to watch. Focus. They start to panic. They rush to their structures. Focus. I want to look away, but I cannot. I crave to watch their pain. Without even touching them directly, the specks begin to wilt. They cry out in fear, and their faces show incredible pain. I relish every second of it. Focus. My brain strains from telling it to stop. Telling it that I will not run. I must watch their pain. I crave it. Focus. I get closer. Focus. They start dieing in greater numbers. Focus. My hands grip the sphere as I pull it close. Focus. I laugh as they fall to the ground dead. Focus. I cherish it. Focus. Focus. Focus. Focus! Focus! Focus! Instant. Blink.

One second they are screaming, and the next, silenct. My smile slides off my face. The specks are all gone. I feel… lonely. Grief. I feel terrible. I am all alone, floating in the nothing. I grow cold. Spark. But I can change that. I gather up the remnants of the spheres I destroyed, and place them on my sphere. I build it up. I start to mold it into different shapes. I start to enjoy myself. Regurgitate. I make more rock. I build it up. Finished. I smash it all into the shape of a box, and climb on top of it. I stand for awhile. I feel proud of what I’ve done, and I showcase it. I have destroyed my specks, and have removed the lights from this place. I have devoured everything in my path. I am victorious. I will never feel lonely again. I lay down on my showpiece, and slowly drift back to sleep. Oh how long it’s been since I’ve felt this. How good it feels to lay my head back on stone and just float. With my stone under me, proudly boasting it’s victory to anyone or anything that might see me. I drift off into slumber fast. I smile as I feel warmth from my rock. Blink.

Noise. I hear dull noise all around me. I see lights again. Panic. I try to throw myself at it, but cannot move. There are creatures around me. They look like the specks. I dimly hear one of them say “Mr. Dorian, can you hear us?” Mr. Dorian? Why does that word sound familiar to me. Wave. Everything starts to hit me. This was all a science experiment. I used to be a speck myself. “Mr. Dorian, how was everything? The progress varies according to each individual as I’m sure you’ve imagined, but have you finally understand why we humans cannot possible fathom the concept of gods? Do you understand why our ignorant selves are also so miraculous?” I turn my head towards the one speaking and spit in his face. “Give me back my power”. Blink.