When You Love a Wolf: Just My Heart

“Just My Heart”

"The way I feel when I'm in doubt is the way I feel when I'm without the way you kiss me when we're alone." - Quietdrive

I stared at the little stick in my hand, its happy little positive sign grinning back at me. I blinked and shook it again, hoping maybe I was reading it wrong. Nope. Still positive. I wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.
         Sure, Liam and I had discussed kids for years. We came up with names and what we thought they might look like. He always talked about how he couldn’t wait to see what I looked like heavily pregnant. And now he was going to. And I had wanted that too. I wanted to experience pregnancy and raising children just as much, if not more, than he did. But now, all I could think about were potential problems. Would the pack be okay with this? How would I work? What if I miscarried like all the women in my family had over the generations? What if I was a bad mother?  ...What would Liam think?
         I laid the pee-stick on the counter, blatantly obvious. Liam would be home from his dad’s in an hour or less. I had to come up with some way to tell him. I paced the length of our bathroom, restless.
         There were multiple ways I could tell him. I could call him right now. Bad idea. I could be all romantic, strip down and wait for him in bed and tell him then. Turn off, Violet. No man wants his wife to tell him she’s pregnant mid-sex. I could leave the pee-stick out and see if he asked me about it. But then what do you say? “Yup, that’s right. I’m pregnant?” I could cook him a really nice dinner. Even though I’m no chef.
         This shouldn’t be this hard. In the middle of my thought train, I had wandered back into our bedroom across the hall and began to strip down to change. I was still in my work clothes and I was itching to get off my heels and pantyhose. I pulled off my suit blazer and kicked off my shoes. I didn’t bother hanging the jacket up just yet, tossing it on the little armchair next to our closet door. I skimmed my fingers down the pale pink silk of the camisole I was wearing, pulling it up to untuck it from my skirt. Next went the grey pinstripe skirt and then my nylons. I sighed, standing there in the silence of our bedroom in just my skivvies. My eyes closed. I stood like this for another moment before beginning to pick up my clothes. I walked into our huge closet and began to sort through my things to hang up. I glanced at the hamper. It was getting full. I might as well do laundry tonight.
         “Violet?” Liam’s voice echoed from the backdoor of our apartment. I heard him drop his keys on the kitchen table and then a cabinet open. The faucet ran and then cut off. It was his normal routine. Drop the keys and grab a glass of water. He wouldn’t take his coat off until he rounded through the living room to the coat rack.
         “I’m back in the bedroom!” I shouted, still shoveling through my shelf filled with jeans and sweatpants. I wanted a particular pair, and they weren’t here. I continued to move things around, getting frustrated. All I wanted were my black yoga pants so I could be comfortable while doing laundry. And I wanted to get dressed before he came back here. Damn sweats, where are you?
         I heard Liam come up the hall. “I’ve got something I wanted to ask you about,” he was saying. “I think you might like it…” He passed by the bedroom door and into the bathroom when my fingers found the cotton sweats I wanted. Aha! Yes.
                “…Um, Vi?”
         I froze in the middle of my victory dance. Oh shit. The pee-stick.
         Liam came into the bedroom, the little white and blue wand in hand. He rounded the corner of the bedroom door and looked at me, standing half-naked in our closet. I blinked slowly, taking in his look of complete surprise. I tried to ease the tension by cracking a half-smile. His mouth spread into a huge grin.
         “Surprise?” I said sheepishly. “I didn’t mean for you to find out like that.”
         “You think I care, baby?” he asked, coming to me. He wrapped me in a huge hug, kissing my forehead, my cheeks, and then my lips deeply. Internally, I sighed in relief. He was happy. I was happy. This couldn’t get any better. He pulled back from our kiss.
         “Are you okay with this?” I asked softly.
         “Of course I’m okay with it,” he answered, stroking my cheek. “I’m so happy.”