Rod Dingham is Confused Again

                                                                              “Rod Dingham is Confused Again”





Rod sat on the couch feeling rather uncomfortable in his own home. He drank his light beer with disgust. His other hand was filled with salty peanuts, which provided a nice cover for the acidic tasting beer. He hated light beer. Shoot the bastards that invented it.

         Janie wasn’t in the house right now, which meant he could drop a few of the peanuts on the floor as long as he picked them up. He could also poop with the door open, and it felt better that way, Rod would testify to that in court, but Janie would probably go into cardiac arrest if she knew.

          She was the master at bringing up random topics to argue about. For example: Rod didn’t like to shave on weekends. The way he saw it, razors were expensive and he must be saving several hundred bucks a year by not using them on Saturdays and Sundays.

         Rod wasn’t in a prestigious line of work, the kind where he could be blowing lots of cash on grooming items. He shoved panels on the backs of electric ranges, not something to gain man fame in this world. In fact, the one good thing about the manual labor business was that people expected you to look a little impoverished. They might think you were selling dope on the side if you pulled into the company parking lot in a Jaguar.

         He heard Janie’s car shut off outside. She had this old Mustang that made a loud clanking noise as the engine died. It was amazing the vehicle still had any sort of life at all. She never had the oil changed in the thing, never even filled the anti-freeze. That rust bucket would die in the middle of a snowstorm due to neglect—the car’s final revenge.

         She pushed the door open in a police raid fashion; thank goodness for the door stopper. Rod smiled at her and she smiles back surprisingly. Things had been very tense between them lately and Rod certainly has to take the blame for that. The doctors said he was better, but he and Janie knew better. They just

         Today she had some unfamiliar glow as if she had some newfound confidence. He liked this sudden change. Perhaps, he thought, she’s had it for a while but he’s failed to notice because of his eccentricities.

         “Aren’t you going to tell me to turn down the TV?” Rod asked as a distraction. He just wanted to dig through what she bought, hoping she hadn’t blown everything on beauty enhancement products. He gets up from the couch and goes and peers into the bag.

         She just grins at him, letting Rod dig through the bag as he wanted.

         “We said we were going to cook some more,” Janie commented politely.

         Rod couldn’t remember having a conversation involving cooking. He conducted a complete brain scan only to come up with something about how to make a great salsa. Janie had said something about being part Hispanic at one time he thought. 

         “I remember something about that, but you didn’t have to…”

         She stopped his words with a kiss on the lips, and then she turned and got the frying pan out of the cabinet. Janie was serious about making these damned burgers for him. He thought this might be a trick, that in fact she hadn’t mentioned cooking and that she wanted to see if he would go along with her. Women like to test men in that manner.

         “I know how much you enjoy a good burger,” she said, looking down at the stovetop range turning orange.

         “Everyone enjoys a good burger,” he said, trying to sound like an authority on the manner.

         “Except vegetarians dear,” she said wittingly.

         “And people afraid to get Mad Cow Syndrome,” he countered. Sometimes he could be as clever as she. She had never called him dear before. That word had an unfamiliar Betty Crocker ring to it. Janie might have had some life changing experience on the way to the grocers. Perhaps she had a near death experience, those are supposed to change a person for the better, turn a rotten person into a holy one and all of that. Janie wasn’t rotten, just angry a lot of the time.

         “Look, I know how much you enjoy your peanuts and beer on Sundays Rod, but I thought it might be nice to cook something up, even something as simple as a burger.”

         Rod wasn’t one to argue with kindness. He simply let her do the work even though he was definitely the one who had caused the relationship problems lately. Hell, he should be cooking up steak and lobster every night using that logic. For now he just had to hope his brain would hold up. That was the key to keeping his life together, his brain not malfunctioning again.

         “You’re a bit perky today,” Rod told her. It was an observation, non-accusatory. He wanted to gage her mood.

         “No, I just had a lot of energy when I woke up.”

         Rod knew she was just making the extra effort to be nice. It was good of her to stick around and try to make it work despite his problems.

         She formed a couple of perfectly shaped hamburger patties and dropped them onto the frying pan. She had this satisfying smile as she did so.

         “You got up early, around six wasn’t it?” He said. Rod wondered if this was part of the new Janie. He started to run his fingers through his shaggy brown and hair and caught himself. He wasn’t supposed to do that because he might get dandruff all over the place. Dandruff wasn’t in the spice cabinet and didn’t belong on food according to Janie.

         “I went for a jog. You remember when I ran all the time when we first meant.”

         Rod didn’t recall that. In fact, he couldn’t picture her doing anything athletic. Rod sometimes had a foggy memory when it came to little details.

         “Oh, and I did have time to rob a few gas stations and then go shopping afterwards, she added. “The exercise really got my adrenaline pumping. I would say my time management skills were excellent today.”

         Rod just nodded approvingly. In the back of his mind he thought Janie might actually have that violent switch she could turn on and off. She had snapped at a few waitresses in their time together. Once she did flip off a guy that cut her off on the highway. She went through the whole road rage routine, sticking her middle finger out the window and yelling at the guy. It was out of character for her, but at that moment she could have been riding on a broomstick and dropping nuclear bombs on all major world cities. That was the extent of her anger at the time.



*

That night he slept uncomfortably beside her. She was on the opposite side of the king size bed snoring and farting uncontrollably. She didn’t know she had these bedtime habits which made it funnier. He supposed he did the same things once he entered dreamland.

          He thought occurred to him that this wasn’t Janie snoring beside him. It was a crazy idea he admitted, but entirely possible. It would explain the sudden change in behavior.

They could make people look like other people these days. They can do anything with lasers and surgery. The real question is who would go to all that trouble for impoverished Rod?

         His mind worked to reason this all out; nothing came to mind at first. He had never been involved in any anti-government activity. He wasn’t a criminal, other than the occasional joint smoking and drunk driving. The government doesn’t spend big bucks on spy look-a-likes to stop drunks. The thought lingered that this woman was some sort of replacement.

         The only plausible theory was that his employer, Freeze Fast Refrigerators, might be checking up on him. It was extreme he knew, still the only thing within reason. He was a lowly assembly line worker with no company secrets to share. It was possible that Fast Freeze was just that paranoid, that they would even hire spies that looked like spouses to check up on employees.

         Another more urgent question needed to be answered--what happened to the real Janie? Perhaps Freeze Fast operated some secret prison camp outside US borders. The government might even be helping them operate it, to keep America competitive with the rest of the world.

         They might have just killed her. It would have been easy for the US government to rent a van and grab poor Janie from the restaurant she works. She was defenseless. Rod wanted her to take that concealed-carry class and get a gun. Perhaps then she would have had a fighting chance. She could have gotten off a few lucky rounds, maybe then the government agents would have decided she wasn’t worth the risk.

         As it stands now poor Janie is imprisoned at best, dead at worst. Rod had no way to find her or help her that he could think of. He laid there staring at the imposter. A little light from the street lights shined through the Venetian blinds into her face. He studied her face, admiring the details some plastic surgeon had to re-create.

*



Rod was on the assembly line the next day chatting with Zack, his shift supervisor and friend. Zack’s job was the easiest. Basically he just screwed on the last few electrical components before the refrigerator was sent to have the panels put on. Today had been rough. The central heat in the plant felt like it was near failure and the temperature outside was below freezing. The first week of November was too early for the serious winter cold.

         Zack was stressful to work around, even when the heat was running at full strength. He moved with these quick deliberate motions, almost like a martial artist. That’s probably why he got the promotion; the bosses subconsciously thought he was a ninja. A key survival technique in this world is to always make the dangerous people around you happy, that includes wives and girlfriends.

         “I’m going to have to drink four Red Bulls to keep up with you today Zack,” Rod smiled over at him.

         Zack replied, “No, you won’t I only had three today. You know buddy sometimes I feel a bit abused by this place. I know I’m supposed to be the boss and all, but I’m just a whore like everybody else, selling my body and time for money.”

         “You’re a high-class call girl Zack, not one them street walkers,” Rod tried to convince him. Zack was selling out for a whole lot more. He deserved credit for that.

         The conversation died out as everyone went into work mode. Rod started to take mental notes of things he had never noticed about Zack. He blinked a lot for one thing. Rod thought it was odd he hadn’t noticed it before, that was dismissed. What he didn’t dismiss was the fact Zack licked his lips a lot. This was very odd. Rod knows he would have noticed this in the past. He continued working, trying to take note of any movements or body language Zack was making. As lunch approached Rod began to grow suspicious of Zack.

---

It was the feeding hour before they got back into any real conversation. Twelve-thirty was quadrant four’s time to eat. Quadrant four was towards the end of the assembly process, hence it made more sense to let the steel fabricators and welders go first, since no one else can do anything without the raw materials. 

         Rod wanted to talk about what was on his mind at lunch usually. Zack was always receptive where as Janie could be a bit moody at times. He would have to see how this new imposter person works out. Surely the guys upstairs told her to “act natural” or something. She has done a piss poor job at that so far, not that Rod was complaining, but he wants to know what to expect when he gets home at night.

         “I’m thinking about going to one of those technical schools, Rod blurted out. “For refrigerator repair. You know those guys get paid a lot more to fix them than we do to put them together.”

         Zack paused trying to think of a kind response. “I don’t know Rod. At this stage in your life you might be better off just sticking it out here. If you can just…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it but Rod knew.

         “If I can keep it together you mean, no more crazy attacks and blackouts.” Rod was mad Zack brought this up in the lunchroom. People heard everything being said. If Rod any future here he couldn’t let the wrong person know he could get unstable.

         “I think that should be part of your life plan, yes.” Zack told him in a professional tone. Life plan was an interesting term to use, sounding like something a shrink would use. Zack was on the opposite end of the intellectual spectrum of Sigmund Freud.

Zack got drunk on weekends and ran around in the woods shooting at animals. He would like to call himself a hunter, but hunters occasionally hit the animal they’re shooting at. 

         “Your dedication to Fast Freeze is admirable Zack. I’m glad we both share a love of refrigerators.”

         “Refrigerators are the kings of the appliance world, Zack said. “I don’t have anything against microwaves or toasters. It’s just those smaller appliances aren‘t as important. You’ve never heard of a toaster repair man. Why? Because you toss them out after five years. They make small appliances to break these days. Companies make money on sales not quality. It’s one of the many sad economic realities of our society.”

         Zack was right about the appliances, some are held in higher regard than others, kind of like pets. Dogs and cats are at the top of the food chain. People even dress their dogs up in football jerseys and walk them around the neighborhood, as if a dog could catch a touchdown pass. Cats are sometimes lucky and inherit large fortunes from their owners.



At the end of the day Rod did have a nagging voice in his head that told him Zack might not be on the level. People with something to hide let it slip in their conversation. The comment about “a life plan” might be an error on his part. It is possible Fast Freeze replaced Zack with an imposter as well, poor boy. He might be in the prison camp right now talking to Janie, wondering how things were going in the States. Hopefully the food was good and they were getting plenty of sunshine.



---

By Friday, Rod couldn’t completely decide if the key people in his life were imposters or not. He decided to stay observant, that was the best thing to do. He couldn’t accuse anyone of anything. It occurred to him he might be able to plant information, tell Janie he had some corporate secret he was going to sell to a competitor. He could follow her, or maybe leave a tape recorder running after he left for work.

         If this was an imposter living in his house, then she must have spy training. She might even be some ex-special forces commando that had a sex change to become a spy. That’s really sacrificing for Uncle Sam.

         Zack and Veronica were at his house this Friday evening. Rod observed them carefully, not picking up anything out of the ordinary. Veronica was somewhat of an oddball anyways. She wouldn’t be a good recruit for a corporate spy. She liked to bite her nails a lot, a disgusting nervous habit. Veronica also did this thing where she rubbed the top of her thighs, as if they were cold all the time. Overall, she gave most people the creeps.

         It was hard to see what attracted Zack to Veronica. Zack wasn’t much of a looker, and he can’t really brag about being a low-level supervisor at a refrigerator plant. She was kind of a hobbit looking creature with crooked teeth and pale skin. He was an ugly, uneducated working man. The pairing seemed to work for them both.

         Zack generally opened up the lively conversation among the entire group. He was all the way through a six pack and working hard on the next six. “On the Science Channel they said all life on earth might be alien.” Zack liked to talk sci-fi while intoxicated. Everyone has their favorite drunk talk and that was his.

         “What do you mean Zack?” Rod asked, but not really that interested.

         “They think some asteroid hit Mars and dragged some kind of alien plant through space and that it crashed here on earth.”

         “I thought aliens dragged people out of their cars on long desert roads. You’re telling me I got to worry about plants now?”

         Veronica said, “The aliens you’re thinking of use psychic powers. They don’t need physical force to take us people.” She looked embarrassed about knowing so much on the subject. She would have to admit it was a fascinating subject to her

         They all look over at Veronica with blank expressions. Veronica starts to bite her nails.

         “That rock that hit Earth and then hit Mars, it deposited germs that become people, after about a billion years of getting bigger and smarter.” Zack continued, taking another gulp of beer and dragging his fingers through his dusty brown hair.

         “In a way, we’re still tiny germs, Janie said quietly. She was still standing in the kitchen looking out at everyone. “I mean compared to how big the universe is; we are just germs in it. We are unique though.” Janie smiled as if she was proud of her philosophical comment.

         “Yeah you’re definitely unique Rod,” Zack joked, putting tension in the air. Veronica gave him a scolding look.

         Rod didn’t say anything. He did his best to be a good host, even though Zack could be blunt sometimes.

         Veronica commented, “We aren’t insignificant specks of dust. We have reality television, democracy, microwave burritos and oversized shopping malls.”

         “Don’t forget high-powered dildos,” Janie added. Obviously, she had decided to let the wine coolers do the talking.

         Veronica burst out laughing. She liked Janie’s crude sense of humor. That is why they were able to become such good friends after Zack and Rod started hanging out. Janie wasn’t quite herself today. She was more vibrant than usual, as if she was going out of her way to please Rod.

         “How did the conversation go from aliens to dildos?” Zack asked the group.

         “Given enough time, every polite conversation is eventually downgraded to sex,” Janie replied. She left the kitchen and sat on the floor in front of Rod.

         “The conversation was downgraded when we left planet earth and started speculating on alien intervention,” Rod added. “Now we could go even lower and begin debate on the whereabouts of Bigfoot.”

         Rod wondered if all three of them in this room might be spying on him. However unlikely it was that Fast Freeze was conducting a spy operation in his home, he still had to be open to the possibility. Maybe he was a test sample, part of some regular random screening they did on their average workers to make damned sure no one was spying.

         Rod could only imagine what a higher up guy like Reginald Federbaker, the HR Director at Fast Freeze was going through, assuming he wasn’t in on the spy ring. They probably replaced the guy’s dog with some special intelligence-gathering canine.

         “Rod, you with us buddy?” Zack asked.

         Rod realized he was tuning out. He had to stay in the moment. He couldn’t let them know that he was on to them.

         “Just feeling a bit tired today,” Rod told him, trying to sound like he wasn’t suspicious. For a moment he thought Janie might have poisoned the popcorn. It occurred to Rod she might be intending to eliminate him and his friends in one sitting. That was assuming Zack and Veronica were still on his team. This get-together was Janie’s idea, leading Rod to believe it might be some intelligence gathering operation on her part. It would make sense for the new Janie to want to meet his friends for informational purposes. 

         Rod got up and glanced around at everyone, then took a big step towards the door. He felt short of breath.

         “Are you going somewhere Rod?” Janie asked harshly.

         “I’m gonna get some imported beer. This domestic stuff is too watered down for guests.” He realized this looked weird, bursting out into the cold all of the sudden to get beer. Especially since Zack and Veronica never stayed that late.

         Imposter Janie looked like she was going to say something else, but Rod was out the door before she got it out.  He had escaped for the time being. The cool air outside felt wrong, just like everything else this evening had.

         The more he walked the better he felt. He was heading in the general direction of the gas station, walking a little faster with each step. He was careful not to jog or run, his back would kill him in the morning for doing that.

He convinced himself more and more as he walked that all three of the people in his home must be imposters. They looked at each other in a certain conspiratorial way. Their body language was uncomfortable; a hint there was some tension in the room beyond the surface.

         As he passed through the quiet, working-class neighborhood he wondered again about where his real friends might be. They could all be together, locked on the same cellblock in a Fast Freeze prison somewhere. They wouldn’t build separate prisons for guys and girls. Fast Freeze believed in being cost-effective, two prisons certainly isn’t that. They might have even had a small scale factory set up inside the prison, where they paid people even less than they do in the American version. Janie would be learning what his day-to-day life was like. If they ever let her go she would come back appreciative of what he does. It was one positive thing to think about anyways.

         Having this information, Rod needed a plan to stay alive for the unforeseeable future. He would have to play ignorant, not letting anyone know he was observing them. He would have to lie in bed at night, next to imposter Janie, and try not to let on that he knew about her. He could do that, but at some point, he might just crack and start asking suspicious questions.

         The prison idea for the captured family members of Fast Freeze might be overly optimistic. It would be much easier to kill the poor souls; from Fast Freeze’s perspective that would be much more cost effective as well. Those people were all about saving money. Last week they put smaller ice creams bowls out next to the ice cream machine of all things. They’re actually worried the quantities of ice cream that people eat in the break room might be a factor in the company’s financial health.

         He stopped eight blocks down from the house to gather himself. If the people back at his home were spies, this running out of the party probably looked really damned suspicious to them. They might already have a tiger cage built in the living room and stun gun at the ready for when he walks back through the door.

         If he wanted to do the smart thing, he would bring back some beer. That was his cover story, and if those were spies in his living room, they would notice something like that. His laziness played a huge factor in heading back home, plus the cold was starting to make his body ache.

         He sat down on the curb and took a breather first. A tree was blowing its furious branches above his head. He wanted to rip that tree out of the ground and drag it home for firewood. It was disturbing his thought process.

         On the way back, his mind wouldn’t rest. Details of his whole situation kept becoming more apparent. Obviously, these imposters were trained in human observation. That met one misstep from Rod and he might be banished to some island hell forever. He wasn’t much of a gardener and he sure couldn’t hunt, that meant starvation.

         The air seemed chillier the closer he got to home. He dreaded going back now. The imposters have had plenty of time to plan their next move, which could be anything up to and including the murder of Rod Dingham.



The front door was the hardest part, getting through that door and back in there with the imposters was a high stress task. He couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying through the door, but the tone was calm. Janie was saying something about “last year” and he thought she said “wigged out.” He didn’t want to stay out there any longer and risk detection. With a deep breath and a quick push he was back inside the house.

          Everyone was still exactly where they were. He didn’t know if that was good or bad. He was just happy they hadn’t rushed him with duct tape and rope. He figured Janie could sedate him any night of the week, so they wouldn’t be in any rush if they had plans to seal his fate. Rod suspected these imposters were patient, calculating people that avoided dramatic scenes in the living rooms of their prey.

         They all looked in his direction, but no one appeared startled.

         Zack said, “Didn’t bring us anything back buddy?”

         “He was closed when I got there. He does that sometimes…closes early.” Rod was referring to Raul, the gas station attendant that he often bullshitted with after work.

         Rod thought it was a good heads up play to tell them that. That cover story might dim curiosity just enough to save his life.

         Zack moved closer to Veronica and put his arm around her. She cringed a little. Zack could be quite the annoying prick when drunk, so Rod assumed the imposters shouldn’t act any differently. It was a good show they were putting on for him.

         Veronica continued to bite her nails and look at everyone else in the room like they were crazy.

         “I wish I could have brought beer and chips back for everyone,” Rod said. “That lazy S-O-B closes so damned early sometimes. I guess he doesn’t know the meaning of good customer service.”

         Zack looked at Rod in a serious way. “We all wanted to ask you something important buddy,” he said, sounding a bit too sober for a man that’s been drinking all evening. “We think you might be…well slipping back a bit.”

         Rod had some memory of this. He admitted to himself that mental instability occurred in the past. But these imposters wanted to have some sort of intervention because he went out to buy beer. Perhaps if they could get him committed to a mental institute it would save them time and expense for the Fast Freeze Corporation.

         “I recognize certain things, Rod said loudly. Rod recognized these words might get him killed, but he was tired of being submissive.

         Zack took a big gulp of the last beer in the house then looked at Veronica nervously. He suspected he might know what was coming, it had all happened before. Get the straight jacket out of closet and the sedatives out of the medicine cabinet, here Rod goes again.

         “Rod don’t,” Janie yelled from the kitchen. She looked embarrassed from the outburst. She thought she knew what was coming also. Rod had this kind of look before.

         After a moment’s pause, Rod re-gained his better wits. “Sorry everyone, I’m just not feeling up for anything today.” His body shook from the short adrenaline burst.

         “Look, it’s getting late and I think Janie and Rod want to talk, so we should probably…”

         “Head home,” Veronica finished the thought for Zack.

         Zack took a couple of steps toward the door and Veronica got off the couch to follow him.

         Janie followed Veronica and Zack out the door. They both seemed to be in a hurry to get out of a toxic domestic situation.

         “Holy shit Janie, I didn’t know things were getting this bad between you two again, Veronica commented after Janie closed the door. She and Zack weren’t exactly Romeo and Juliette, but Janie had to admit they were better off than she and Rod. When Rod has his bad spells no one got through to him.

         “It’ll pass in a couple of weeks or so. He’s just not that happy about all the extra hours at the factory,” Janie responded.

         “He needs therapy in large doses and as quickly as possible,” Zack said. He rubbed the back of his neck, apparently searching for some solution to this recent Rod meltdown. “My cousin Jacob started acting this way before they hauled him off.”

         Veronica stood there in deep thought searching for something comforting to say to her friend, no words came. She didn’t really want to have an honest girl conversation in front of Zack. There was always the possibility he and Rod would go out after work and get drunk and start talking. It took a lot of booze for men to open up like women, but it was possible.

         “He could just be frustrated, you know…in the bedroom,” Zack added.

         “You are so stupid Zack. Not getting laid isn’t a cause of paranoia,” Veronica yelled at him. She usually saved this for when they were home alone.

         “Not so loud guys, he’s probably got his ear to the door,” Janie said, looking back over her shoulder. She had a bit of fear in her eyes that both Veronica and Zack noticed.

         “Go sit in the car Zack,” Veronica demanded. “I want to have a girl-on-girl with Janie.”

         Without any argument Zack disappeared into the couple’s late model four door Jeep. Music could be heard coming out of it a few seconds later.

         Veronica started preaching to Janie, “Look, obviously Rod isn’t right again and I did tell you mental defectives can’t make themselves right going to out-patient therapy. People like Rod need electroshock treatment. It’s harsh and banned in many countries, but proven effective. Some therapist getting paid a hundred bucks an hour is just going to tell him how great he is for an hour.”

         “Therapy seemed to help him Veronica. You don’t see him all the time like I do. He’s improved. Tonight I think he just needed some fresh air.” Janie sounded like she was trying to convince herself of this fact.

         “Needing fresh air can turn into nervous breakdowns, and worse,” Veronica argued.

         “If things get too weird I’ll give you a call Veronica. Me and Rod have been together a while. I owe him the opportunity to get better.”

         They gave a parting hug. Veronica couldn’t argue any more with the always stubborn Janie. She just had to hope Rod wouldn’t get violent.



Janie did have concerns about going back inside. She knew Rod wasn’t the type to get physical with a woman. She hoped that wouldn’t change.

         

He was on the couch when she got the nerve to walk in. He didn’t turn his head. He just kept starring at the news.

         “So, are you going to explain what’s going on with you this time?”

         “I knew you would ask. I just felt restless is all. Just having the pressure of being a good host is tough.” His eyes stayed squarely on the TV.

         Janie stared at him, trying to learn anything that might be of use.

         “What is your favorite food Janie?”

         “You’re trying to change the subject Rod. I’m too smart for that.”

         “Answer the question and we’ll talk,” Rod sounded very persistent, almost robotic.

         “You know it’s shrimp cocktail.”

         Rod had to hand it to these imposters, they did their homework. It would have been hard to guess that. Most people say “pizza” or “steak” Rod reasoned. They must have tortured poor Janie for hours to get that vital piece of information.

         “Shrimp cocktail it is,” Rod mumbled. He wasn’t prepared for the correct answer. The reality of the whole situation came crashing down on him. He wondered if this imposter had a gun. He also wondered if she was waiting till he was asleep to kill him.

         She walked up to him and took the remote from his hand. Rod noticed the tiniest of scars on her index finger. He was ninety-nine percent sure he had never seen it before.

         Janie looked down at him and spoke softly, “I answered your crazy question Rod. Now we get to talk about what I want to talk about.”

         Rod sighed. He reached up to grab the remote and Janie pulled it back.  “OK Janie, say what you got to say.”

         “Earlier this evening you looked at us all like…well like you didn’t know us at all. I know you’ve had the problems in the past, but you’ve always been good to me. I guess I might have let a few things slide because of that.”

         Janie let a few tears drip down her cheek. Rod took note of this. Janie wasn’t much of a crier. This imposter must be a lot more emotional than the real version.

         “I don’t hate you. I know you’re just doing your job, that’s fine. I just wish it wasn’t at the expense of people I love.” Rod didn’t want to let on that the gig was up. He honestly wouldn’t have minded playing the game a little longer.

         Janie looked stunned. She threw her arms up in the air and then back down. She appeared to be searching for words. Rod felt good about this intellectual victory. Now this imposter would be forced to confess. She might have to call headquarters and tell her bosses that the acting was over, that they would have to stop operations in the Rod Dingham household immediately. If that happened they might even send the real Janie back.

         Imposter Janie let more tears run. Rod had to admit this was a prized performance. They must give a week long seminar on fake crying at the imposter academy.

         “I don’t know what’s going on with you Rod. I just hope you’re not regressing into your old self.”

         Rod begins to clap. “Bravo,” he says in a bad British accent. “I would give this performance an Academy Award if it was my decision.”

         Janie continues to study Rod, looking for signs of aggressive behavior.

         “I don’t blame you personally Miss Imposter,” Rod continued. He stands up from the couch. “I know you have a job to do just like everyone else in this world. So don’t take what I have to do in the next few minutes personally.”



---

Some of things about the island weren’t so bad. She had never had a tan in her entire life, for instance. Now she had a full one. The winters were non-existent here and she always hated the cold. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but the other day a friend of hers swore it was going on two years. The lack of seasonal climate makes you lose track of time she figured.

         It wasn’t like she was queen or anything back home. She lived in a simple home with a boyfriend that lacked manners of any kind. One time he even farted at the Thanksgiving table, they were at her family’s home of course. He laughed a little, but never said “excuse me.” He never apologized for anything, which is why their relationship was DOA after about year three.

         Raul, the gas station attendant from back home was here. Rod always cursed the guy for being some kind of pervert, but he seemed nice enough here. Rod had a habit of accusing people of all kinds of things. He was an uncomfortable man to say the least. She wondered how he might be getting along now that so much time has passed. She wondered if the police still had someone working on her missing person case. More than likely she had been declared dead. That likely meant Rod was a murder suspect, a thought that made her smile quite often.

         “Janie, she heard.” It was the voice of Frank a co-worker of Rod’s and the only other person besides Raul from home that she had seen here. She had met him at the annual Fast Freeze Christmas party a long time ago. She liked him at the time, but she had been chained to you know who then. She was with him now, going on what she guessed to be a year. They weren’t allowed to keep calendars of any kind, so she couldn’t give an anniversary date.

         “Frank, have you been swimming around the island looking for a way out again?” The real Janie asked him.

         “No luck there, but it looks like they’re bringing another shipment of prisoners in.”

         It was a fairly regular event to get new prisoners. All the current prisoners got excited on new prisoner day, especially the ones that didn’t have someone here that they knew from home already.

         Janie looked out into the ocean, trying to spot the ship Frank had seen. It was a massive cruise ship with bars on all the windows. She would welcome them with the others on the beach in a few hours. They wouldn’t like what anyone had to say. No one had ever escaped from the island.              END