The Kiss

Note: Word Count

The count started high because I didn't follow the link to the lowest assignment level. It was around 2K. Then I realized there was a ceiling of 300 words. I parred it back to meet this constraint. Then I received an initial and follow-up review. Wanting to remember the teaching points I pasted the review at the bottom and rewrote the parts critiqued, putting them in parenthesis. ((Second Review)). That is the short answer to why this epistle is now 900 plus words.

Percy

The Kiss

A few weeks later Guiles repaid the visit. Martha had some special plans for her young knight. She walked him over to the Arms Room and took him downstairs. At the bottom, they paused and found themselves staring into each other's eyes. On the sheerest of impulses she embraced and kissed him. He was as startled, as she was insistent. After a minute or two they became more relaxed.

At length, she paused… He stepped back and said, “That was delightful.“

“I don’t want to get personal,” she said, “But when I kissed you, I sensed it was a new experience.”

“It was,” replied the Squire

“You’ve never kissed before?”

“A first…how about you?”

“The same,” she responded, “but it seemed so right.”

“For a couple of novices we seem to have managed rather well.”

“My girlfriends explained everything…and got most of it right…”

“Most?”

“Well…, this might sound gross, but they insist that in kissing, you put your tongue in each other's mouth.”

“You’re kidding.”

"And since I don't want to die an old maid..., never kissed properly...”

Putting her hands on his shoulders, she kissed him, letting her tongue slide behind his teeth and palate. It was a pleasant sensation.

(She took a grip on his shoulders, needing the support to still her nervousness. Then, she pressed her lips to his, softly at first, running her tongue across the surface, waiting for them to part. As his mouth opened she darted inside, tasting his eagerness for the first time.)

((She took a grip on his shoulders, needing the support to calm her nervousness; Then, pressed her lips to his, softly at first, running her tongue across the surface, waiting for them to part. As his mouth opened she darted inside. She felt his own, tense and eager to riciprocate. Pulling back she took a breath.))

"Now you do it."

((His eyes were wide and shone with anticipation. He probed, tenatively at first. Impatiently, she pressed her stomach against his. He stirred. Then with a rush, all restraint collapsed and his spirit swept over her. His tongue took dominion, exploring every nook of her teeth and palate. He embraced with abandon, clutching her breasts tight against his chest. Gasping, he stepped back, breathing heavy.))

"How was that?" he inquired, on the edge of self control.

"More than I expected." she replied.

"What's next?"

"You tell me...I wouldn’t know where to start."

“Well,” he answered, “My friends have explained the principles.”

“Ahhh Ha!... So you know what those are?”

Review:

Erotic Elements: The Kiss ~ Assignment #1

You went for the kiss in two parts. The first quick, as in a test. The second delved a bit deeper. What is missing here, is the emotions of the couple and other senses.

Suggestions:

You had ~ Putting her hands on his shoulders, she kissed him gently, letting her tongue slide behind his teeth and palate. It was a delightful sensation.

Example ~ She rested her hands on his shoulders for support, needing to stop the shaking of her legs, and pressed her lips to his, softly at first, before running the tip of her tongue across his lips, waiting for them to part. Once his mouth opened, she darted her tongue inside his hot mouth, searching for his, ready to explore, to taste his very essence.

Corrected ~ She took a grip on his shoulders, needing the support to still her nervousness. Then, she pressed her lips to his, softly at first, running her tongue across the surface, waiting for them to part. As his mouth opened she darted inside, tasting his eagerness for the first time

Example #2: Ok, better the second time around. However, the next line she has pulled back, only we don't see that. We are still in the moment of the French Kiss. So my question is...1~ if he's eager, how does she know? Does he grab her forcefully, slam his hips into hers, his tongue battling hers and demanding? Once the kiss is broken, let us know. And tell me what she sees. If he's stunned, show it, hungry eyes, as he now gets his chance to take it one step further?

Corrected ~ She took a grip on his shoulders, needing the support to calm her nervousness; Then, pressed her lips to his, softly at first, running her tongue across the surface, waiting for them to part. As his mouth opened she darted inside. She felt his own, tense and eager to riciprocate. Pulling back she took a breath.

"Now you do it."

His eyes were wide and shone with anticipation. He probed, tenatively at first. Impatiently, she pressed her stomach against his. He stirred. Then with a rush, all restraint collapsed and his spirit swept over her. His tongue took dominion, exploring every nook of her teeth and palate. He embraced with abandon, clutching her breasts tight against his chest. Gasping, he stepped back, breathing heavy.

Slowing the experience down helps the characters come to life. You see her as more bold, being the aggressor.

Other Issues: Dialogue can use more description. If it were cut to hit the word count for this assignment, that's fine. In the future, you might want to show the reader the characters reactions to things. Leaving them out lessens the connection to the characters.

Question: Define three levels of procreative writing; Erotica, Romantica and Pornography.

General: I see procreative writing as having more than three levels. I see them as Clinical, Emotional, Metaphorical, Graphical, Subliminal. and linguistic

Clinical: Using anatomical terrms such as penis and vagina to describe the physical dynamics of what is taking place. "He took his penis and inserted it into her vagina."

Emotional: Uses terms to describe the act that are empassioned... a physiological reaction to what is taking place. "She trembled at the very sight, her breath caught seeing it for the first time. Then she began weeping in sheer joy, reveling in the anticipation of what was about to happen."

Metaphorical: Uses similar terms to describe obliquely what is happening. "His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry, his cheeks were as roses his nose like a cherry...the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath."

Graphical: Focuses on the sensual imagery, particularly visual (as cast in words) to show physically exactly what is happeing. Her brown nipples were poised, showcased in dark areola, that rose up and receded with each halting breath."

Subliminal: Uses the drug of poetic rendering to soften the rawness of sex. "The mood of love swept over her and what was before, slapping flesh and groans, became a dance melody in the ambiance of a dream. She twirled in his arms to the music of creation; floating on a cloud of sweet serenity."

Linguistic: Uses dialogue and slang which the reader hears and uses to develop an image in imagination.
From inside the bedroom he heard a voice. "Hey," said Egor, "You really shake it! For an old lady, you can still dance the pole."

There are porbobly more but these come readily to mind.

Each has a scale from mild to extreme. Romantica uses the fine scale, Erotica the median and Pornography the heavy. There is a level below Romantica which is Fantasy and below Fantasy is Religious fiction. In the latter two references to sex are almost unheard of.