The Hero and the Fool

Cast:

•          Guy d’Fort- Captain of the King’s Guard-Loyal, prefers action over words, and honest

•          King Oliver the Good- King of Indaras

•          Prince Sciocco- Inept son of Oliver

•          Mortimer Towning- Oliver’s chief advisor: Good advisor, though a kiss ass

•          Claude Übel- Leader of the Kidnappers: Flamboyant in dress, gesture and speech

•          Humble Narrator 

•          Four Kidnappers-Dumb Thugs

o          Joseph

o          Maury

o          Willis

o          TJ

•          Three Guardsmen

o          Hughie

o          Lance

o          Todd

•          Peasant Woman

•          Towns Folk

•          Two Attendants

•          The Perp



The play takes place over several weeks in the Kingdom of Indaras and the Forest of Beasts.  There should be no intermission.  Also, location should be implied, not actually done through the set, with some minor exceptions.  There is the card table in scene 6, and the throne in scenes 1, 5 & 7.  Designed for a black box theater. 



















Outline for Stage (Not to Scale)

















Prologue

(The HUMBLE NARRATOR enters through A.  He is smartly dressed and twirling a fine cane.) 

HUMBLE NARRATOR

Welcome friends to my little tale, and boy, do I have a tale to tell…a tale of heroism, of danger, of Good and Evil.  Come with me dear comrades, to the Kingdom of Indaras, ruled over by Oliver the Good, the best King in the nation’s long history.  Ah, but here is, as I would tell you, the rub.  King Oliver is getting old, and his son, well… let us hear of Oliver’s son…

(The Humble Narrator exits through B, twirling his cane and chuckling quietly to himself.)

Scene 1

(The throne room.  KING OLIVER and MORTIMER and TWO ATTENDANTS enter through A.  The ATTENDANTS are carrying the throne.  They place the throne down and stand behind it.  KING OLIVER and MORTIMER discuss the papers in KING OLIVER’S hand.)

MORTIMER

And your Highness, the crop production in Julianus is higher than last year, almost doubled.  I recommend buying some of the excess to feed the people of Dunbarrow, who have been wanting due to drought.

KING OLIVER

Good, Mortimer, very good.  That is an excellent idea.  Very sound. 

MORTIMER

Thank you, Sire.  Always ready to assist, my most magnanimous ruler. 

(Bows)

(GUY d’FORT enters through A.  He is wearing mail, tabard and sword.)

Captain of the Guard, Guy d’Fort to see you, Sire!

OLIVER

Ahh, excellent.  Guy, punctual as always.  That will be all, Mortimer.  Thank you again; you are a great help to an old man.

MORTIMER

Thank you, Majesty. 

(He bows low.  As he exits through A, he bows politely to GUY, who returns same.)

GUY

You summoned me, King Oliver?

OLIVER

Yes, Captain d’Fort.  I would like to discuss something rather delicate with you.  You know of my son’s incompetence, do you not?  Please, feel open to be frank.

(Lights go down.  Spotlight is on Guy.)

GUY

(To Audience)

The King’s kind of put me on the spot here.  What do I say?  Do I say that yes, the boy is incompetent, or be a dishonest kiss-ass?  No.  Honesty is the truest compass, and he told me to be frank so…

GUY

(He turns back to the king.  Lights go back up.)

Yes, my King, I do know of the Prince’s incompetence. 

OLIVER

Good. Um… Then you know that he could never lead this kingdom to prosperity.

GUY

Well, I’m sure that with the right advisors he could-



OLIVER

The boy can barely count to ten.

GUY

You’re right, my King. 

OLIVER

Which is why I am sending him to Alignad.  Maybe they can…get him off our hands.

GUY

For how long?

OLIVER

Oh, permanently.  He will be remaining there permanently.  I wish to keep him as far from this kingdom as possible.  You and three members of the Royal Guard are to lead him through the Forest of Beasts to Alignad.  Understood?

GUY

Yes my King.

OLIVER

Excellent.  Get him out of here with all possible haste.

(GUY bows and hurriedly marches through A.  KING OLIVER and the TWO ATTENDANTS exit through C, the TWO ATTENDANTS carrying the throne with them.)

Scene 2

(Another room in the castle.  PRINCE SCIOCCO and HUGHIE enter through D and are practicing fencing.  HUGHIE is wearing the tabard of the royal guard.)

HUGIE

Alright, now, bow and salute. 



HUGHIE

(The pair do, PRINCE SCIOCCO flinging his sword away in the attempt.  He walks over to get it, but trips beforehand.  Smiling sheepishly as he stands, he walks over to his position. Hughie is struggling to remain patient.)

Remember the parries I showed you?

(SCIOCCO nods enthusiastically.)

HUGHIE (cont.)

I’m going to attack.  Parry-my-attack. 

(He lunges, poking SCIOCCO in the stomach.)

SCIOCCO

Ow!  That hurt!  I’m not doin’ this anymore!  Not if you’re gonna stab me!

HUGHIE

But, your highness, its sword fighting! I-I have to-

SCIOCCO

No!  I’m not playin’ this game no more if you’re gonna stab me!

(GUY enters through C) 

GUY

Hughie, go get Lance and Todd.  We have a new assignment.  We are escorting the Prince to Alignad.

HUGHIE

Captain, you mean I have to deal with him for another month?

GUY

Just… just go!

(HUGHIE exits through A)



SCIOCCO

Oooh, Where am I goin’ Capin’ Guy?  Am I goin’ on Vacation?

GUY

Uh…Yes, Your Highness.  You’re going…on vacation. 

SCIOCCO

Yay! Yay!

(Continues yelling as he skips off through D.  GUY shakes his head, and exits through B.) 

Scene 3

(The Forest of Beasts.  The HUMBLE NARRATOR enters through D, twirling his cane.)

HUMBLE NARRATOR

And so our hero Captain d’Fort, along with the Prince and three of his most loyal guardsmen journey to Alignad.  But first they must traverse the treacherous Forest of Beasts.  What dangers await them here in the darkness of the wood, hmm?  Is there some animal that stalks them, or something more…?

(Exits through B, saluting with his cane as he goes.  GUY, HUGHIE, LANCE, TODD (all wearing tabards and swords) and SCIOCCO enter through A.  They are on edge and in clear agony.)

Price SCIOCCO

Wow, this forest is creepy.  Are we there yet?

GUY

(Patience wearing dangerously thin.) 

Not yet, Your Highness.

SCIOCCO

Are we there yet?

GUY

Not yet.          

TODD

(Trips, catching himself on Sciocco’s shoulder.)

Excuse me, Sire.

SCIOCCO

Capin’ Guy, Capin’ Guy!  Todd touched me!  I thought you said no touching!  How come when I touch you guys I get yelled at but you guys can touch me and not get yelled at?  Huh, How come?



GUY

NO MORE TOUCHING!!!

(The other three guards look at each other with weary and bedraggled faces.) 

SCIOCCO

Ooh!  Something shiny!!

(He runs off the trail.) 

FOUR ROYAL GUARDSMEN

NO!

(They Lunge after him.)

(Five men dressed in black burst from aisles C, D, and A. One, Claude Übel, wears an ornate mask and is more finely dressed than his cohorts.  The attackers carry swords and daggers.  Todd and Lance are killed without a fight.  Hughie takes TJ down before being killed.  …Guy and Claude meet each other, swords raised.  Sciocco is rocking back and forth on the ground in the fetal position.) 

GUY

Who are you coward, who attacks a peaceful group on a long journey?

CLAUDE

You might call me… a man of opportunity.  You have two choices, dear friend.  You can leave now, alive, and take this message back to the king…

(Produces a rolled up piece of paper from his tunic)

…or you can valiantly die fighting, and no one will ever know what happened to the poor little Princeling.

Guy

I’ll take my chances.  You should know I am the Captain of King Oliver’s Royal Guard, and did not get the position for my administrative talent. 

GUY (cont.)

(GUY and CLAUDE begin to duel, the VAGABONDS looking on with interest.  After a while it is clear GUY is the better fencer; he disarms CLAUDE, who falls to the ground.) 

Do you surrender?

CLAUDE

Not yet. 

(Maury and Willis run up and stab Guy in the back)

Excellent work, fellows.  Joseph, you guard that… thing there. 

(Claude slips the note into Guy’s tabard.)

You two, help me drag the body to the river, it runs right by Indaras Castle.  Ready…



ALL

Break!

(They clap.  Joseph drags Sciocco off through C while Maury and Willis carry Guy off through A.  Claude follows them.)

Scene 4

(An open air market.  TOWNSFOLK haggle with vendors (The Audience), over various goods, (fruit, meat, etc). This should go on for several minutes.  The PEASANT WOMAN bursts in through A)

PEASANT WOMAN

Somebody, somebody come quick!  There’s a body in the river!  Help, come quick! 

(The TOWNSFOLK rush through A)





Scene 5

(The throne room.  KING OLIVER and MORTIMER and the TWO ATTENDANTS (with throne) enter through B.)

OLIVER

And how is Captain d’Fort healing, Mortimer?

MORTIMER

Exceedingly well, Your Highness.  He is growing progressively restless and impatient to go out and find your son’s abductors.

OLIVER

I am wondering if he is the right man for the job. How could he have let this atrocity happen?

(OLIVER picks up Claude’s note out of his tunic and reads)

To King Oliver: We have Prince Sciocco in our custody.  Please bring 70 Gold coins (or other material of similar worth) to the crossroads in the Forest of Beasts with 4 weeks or your son and heir will die.  Signed, the Abductors.  Oh, Mortimer, what am I going to do?  Do I dare trust d’Fort again?

MORTIMER

Yes, Sire, I believe you do trust him.  The men were ambushed, and d’Fort defeated the leader.  He can do it again.  I have sent for him on your behalf. 



OLIVER

Thank you Mortimer, my close and trusted friend. 

(Guy enters though B ) 

Leave us now, old friend. 

(Mortimer bows and exits through B)

Guy.  How are you healing?

GUY

Fully healed and battle hungery, my King. 

GUY (cont.)

(Begins pacing for several minutes, head down, then faces OLIVER)

My King, I apologize in advance, but I have to ask this; good men are dead. Did you have anything to do with the kidnapping?

OLIVER

What!

GUY

Did you organize the kidnapping as a way to keep Sciocco off the throne for keeps?

OLIVER

(Stands in a Rage)

How dare you, d’Fort!  I should have you whipped!  Drawn and quatered!  Expelled from the Guard!  I am King Oliver the Good, not King Oliver the Malicious!  How can you accuse me of kidnapping my own son?!  I have never, in all my long days, been so insulted!  You, man, are as rash as you are stupid!  How could you, imbecile, achieve the high rank of Captain of the Guard?  You are hardly suited to shovel out latrines, you swine!  With all my mind, I cannot fathom how you could come to such a conclusion!  Oh, gods, why have you cursed me so, surrounded so by brainless fools am I. Trouble me no longer, fool! 

GUY

Thank you, my King.  I had to know you were not involved.

KING OLIVER

Oh, oh, okay.  You said you were battle ready.  Will you deliver my son his emancipation, Captain d’Fort? 

GUY

Yes, my king, I will.  We still have one week before the deadline.  Give my two days to get back in shape, and then I will find your son, kill his captors, and continue on to Alignad. 

(GUY bows and exits A.  KING OLIVER exits through A, followed by the ATTENDANTS, who carry the throne.)



Scene 6

¬                                        

(The Forest of Beasts, a cave.  CLAUDE, JOSEPH, MAURY, WILLIS and PRINCE SCIOCCO enter through B.  MAURY and WILLIS carry a large box while JOSEPH carries playing cards and poker chips.  SCIOCCO goes to the corner and rocks in the fetal position.  The VAGABONDS play poker.)



MAURY

So, boss, do ya think they’ll actually pay for this bum?

WILLIS

Yeah, chief, I think you overestimated his value.

CLAUDE

Who, my fine subordinates, is in charge here?

                   MAURY                              WILLIS                              Joseph

You are, Claude.                              You, sir.                              You is, Claude.

CLAUDE

Then shut up and stop questioning me!  Arugh!  This cave smells like bear excrement!  Whose turn!

GUY (off)

I believe it is mine!

(GUY leaps majestically into the cave through A!)

WILLIS

It’s that Captain bum!  Let’s get him!

MAURY

Yeah, gut him open!

JOSEPH

And then eat his intestines before his still living eyes!

(The three charge.  GUY cuts them all down without a fight.)

SCIOCCO

Capin’ Guy!  You’re gonna save me!

(SCIOCCO runs over to GUY and clamps onto his leg.)

CLAUDE

Captain!  I thought for sure you had died.  Believe me; I am glad you did not.  So, do you have my ransom?

GUY

No, I shall kill you where you stand.

CLAUDE

(Dramatically draws his sword.)

But do you really think you can beat me?

GUY

I beat you easily enough last time.  Okay, Prince, why don’t you let go.  I can’t fight him with you clamping down like that!

(Tries to shake SCIOCCO off.)

SCIOCCO

(In an entirely different voice.)

I’ll never let go, Jack!

GUY

What?  Look, just go outside, there’s a present from your dad out there!

SCIOCCO

Yay!

(Runs out of the cave through A)

GUY

Wow.  You had to put up with that for three weeks.  I am impressed.  Where were we?

CLAUDE

I don’t remember; that idiot is so distracting…

GUY

I know…Oh, right.  I beat you easily enough last time.

(Raises sword)

CLAUDE

(Raises sword, both circle each other.)

Ah yes, but I could have been bluffing.  I am much better than I appeared.  Or maybe I am bluffing now?  Or perhaps I am as bad a swordsman as I appeared?

GUY

Yes.

(Kicks card table/box out of the way)

You seem quite good at bluffing. 

(They circle each other for a few moments before engaging; they are testing each other)

It seems I was deceived.

(They engage for several more passes)

CLAUDE

(Parrying)

But perhaps I am deceiving you now.  Perhaps I am only pretending to be so bad as to fight on your level?

(Ripostes)

GUY

(Parry with disengage)

You are the Master Deceiver.  Speaking of names…

(They have more swordplay)

I do not believe I ever got your’s.

CLAUDE

(With a Grand Ridopeo)

Do I even have a name?

GUY

Didn’t your mother ever tell you it is rude to answer a question with a question?

(They fight on for several more minutes before GUY hits CLAUDE on the arms, disarming him.  GUY places the sword tip on CLAUDE’S throat.)

Who told you of the Prince’s journey to Alignad?

CLAUDE

Luck?

GUY

(GUY scratches CLAUDE’S throat)

Come on, who?

CLAUDE

(CLAUDE brings his arms in and straitens his tunic and cape in an effort to save face.  He clears his throat and pauses dramatically)

…I don’t know. 

GUY

What do you mean, you don’t know?

CLAUDE

Some guy, wearing a mask, came up to me in a dark alley in Indaras Castle and offered me 200 gold coins if I did it.  So…I did it. 

GUY

You just did it?  Three good men died!  How can you just do it!

CLAUDE

Hey, go for the victory, man.  I’m a crook. 

CLAUDE (cont.)

(Prince Sciocco enters through A with a crossbow and fires)

I never said anyth - Ohh!

(CLAUDE falls down, unconscious)

GUY

(Turning)

What the Hell?

SCIOCCO

(Losing the idiot voice)

Oh, yeah.  I’m not as inept as I made out to be. Method to his madness, and all that.  I have no ambitions to become king.  Lifetime vacation in Alignad seems pretty good, though. 

GUY

Where did you get the crossbow?

SCIOCCO

Oh yeah.  I made it.  When you were fighting Claude.  Yeah, I used a dead branch for the stock, a living one for the bow, the silk drawstring of my tunic is the string, and some other twigs for the trigger.  Pretty easy really.  Yeah, been doin’ it for years.

GUY

His name is Claude?  Did he say who hired him?

SCIOCCO

No, but listen.  I’ve got some partying to do up in Alignad, so, ya know, um, the sooner we get goin’…

GUY

Uhh, sure.  But um, what do we do with…Claude?

SCIOCCO

Tie him to tree naked?



GUY

Works for me.

(GUY and SCIOCCO walk over to CLUADE and begin to drag him off.)

SCIOCCO

You ever been to Alignad?

GUY

No.

SCIOCCO

Damn, those bitches be fine!

(They drag CLAUDE off through A.)

Scene 7

(An outdoor throne room.  KING OLIVER, MORTIEMR, D’FORT and TWO ATTENDANTS (carrying throne) enter through D, while the PEASANT WOMAN and the TOWNSFOLK enter through A, B, and C.  The TWO ATTENDANTS place the chair down, but OLIVER does not sit.)

KING OLIVER

So, Guy, my hero, Prince Sciocco is safe?

GUY

Yes, my King, he is a guest of the Kingdom of Alignad.

OLIVER

He is not a prisoner?

GUY

Oh, no.  No, my King, he is not a prisoner, but their personal guest. 

(The King sits down, grabbing his heart)

Mortimer

It looks like your confidence in Captain d’Ford was well placed, my Sire.



OLIVER

Yes, very well placed.  But you never found out whodunit? 

GUY

Sadly no.  Claude never knew who hired him. 

The Perp

(Standing up somewhere in the Audience)

I’ll tell ya who did it!  It was me!  And I don’t have an ounce of guilt, not one bit!  I’ll tell ya why, too!  I’m a patriot!  And I didn’t want to see the kingdom in the hands of that bumbling nincompoop!  Proud of these actions am I, and so should all of you be, for my heroic and patriotic acts!

OLIVER

Grab him, but harm not a hair upon his treasonous head!  I wish for that honour myself!

(The rest of the cast convinces the Audience to grab the PERP and lead him down to the KING.)

Good.  Let us bring this man to justice!

(MORTIMER and GUY lead the PERP out through D, followed by KING OLIVER.  The TOWNSFOLK rush, arms waving, exit through A, B, and C.)

Epilogue

(The HUMBLE NARRATOR enters through D, twirling his cane)

HUMBLE NARRATOR

And so, dear friends, ends the tale of Guy d’Fort and Prince Sciocco of Indaras.  Was the King really innocent, though?  Remember the old adage: ‘I think he doth protest too much.’ 

(Chuckles)

And he was the first to demand the supposed perpetrator’s head, wasn’t he?  Oh well. 

(Shrugs and shakes his head.)



HUMBLE NARRATOR (cont.)

Anyway, thank you all very much for listening to my little tale.  Perhaps I’ll see you some other time, perchance at another little camp fire down the road, hmm? 

(Doffs his cap to the AUDIENCE and exits through C.  End of Play.)