home is wherever im with you

"hey darling, remember that time...?"
"which time, there were so many...."
"the time we rolled...."
he smiled. "ooh. yes."

now of course i cant recount this from his point of view... but from mine, i can respond as such: (the next morning is all his).

"the night that girl, eliza (?) dalzimer (?) and i flirted quite a lot. this involves lots of lotion and rubbing our hands in between each others. the night she looked at me like she wanted me to kiss her. and i said 'kiss me' and she said "i already asked you to." it was true. her eyes dick beckon me to her lips. i was hesitant. i refuse to blame myself for the next night for he could have controlled himself but i suppose i mentally "cheated." although, i do find girls exiting and sexy, they arent the ones i get off with. ... maybe a few times, but not forever by any means....

"the night you smoked more cigarettes than i ever saw. i was semi astonished. the night i wore your jean jacket and my face was glossy. my pupils were larger than i remmebr them being. (damn i never got over you). i so wanted to be your perfect girl. i so wanted you to love me. i so wanted a relationship that could never exist healthily.

"dood, you used to hide. do you remember that?"

"ahhh! i do." she responds shrill at first, and then her cheeks turn quite red due to teh slight embarassment.

"okay, so i have a real question. it's about your myspace. ... am i crazy pancake girl?"

"uhhhhh....."

"I can't believe im crazy pancake girl!! i was coming down from two days of straight ecxtasy!!!! how do you spell exctsay. where does the c go?! ahhh! i was always really hurt by that... because i know it was rinnie...

"you know... (and this is totally coming from my diplomatic point of view) you just ran off... we had plans ... "

"i never thought they meant anything to you."

"why do you think i made them."

"i never thought about that."

"... i dont want to bring it back to our past..."


"then dont."

"i know you dont like talking about that stuff."

"i never said i dont like talking about it. you talk about it too much. you attacked me one night."

"you broke my heart."

"you hit me."

"why cant i get over you? i've been told that people come and go. its totally true. people leave. sometimes you wonder if they ever existed... why do you think i take so many pictures? sometimes things are too intense. unforgettable. ill never forget josh. he was so alive in my life. i gave up everything for him for no reason. i hate saying it like that because i wanted to be him. we wanted to...

"why are you telling me this?"

"ah. sorry. i'm not trying to tell you anything. im just wandering around in my mind. its porbably all bullshit anyway. people go in and out of truth. i was talking to my friend the other day and we were talking about reality and truth. and i said that truth was what mattered so much to me. she brought up teh fatc that people are so VERSITILE... capitalizing that means i need to think of a better word for it. people are constantly changing. always experiencing different emotions. im sure if we had this atcual conversation ... in person... face to face... i would smile a lot. you know how i get,

"we would get drunk."

"its how we do.. you know i dont smoke pot anymore?"

"i do." (this was made up. i dotn actually know).

"apples and planets = the perfect guy. can you believe it? i think its oranges and planet earth. "

"what?!"

"it was soemtihng my friend and i were talking about. FRUIT and planets."

"you lost me"

"i know. nevermind. im just a weirdo."

"haha yea."

"did you get over me? are you? i bet you are. you know aside from being someone i loved... you were my best friend for a long time. i wanted to own you."

"im nate mccleary emma has no idea what i would say next. IM VEGAN. YOU KILL ANIMALS"


"I actually wanted to be you. you brought me to meet your mom the day i was coming down from an extacy binge."

"haha. my mom was so disgusted."

"thats no even funny. i was so embarrassed."

"you bailed on me."

"you broke my heart. a million times over again. I dont think we'll ever be able to be together. part of me so wanted it to be our time... "

"we have too much history."

"i dont think we could ever start over."

"would you want to?"

"i felt like i really fucked up that year."

"you broke my heart. i drank all the time. i stopped going to classes."

"youll always keep me at a distance, wont you?

"I dotn know. becaus eemma has no idea what he would say."

"according to me, its 2:1... 2 being me."

"you left."

"we'll run around in circles forever wont we?"

"i suppose we will."

"You cant ever let go of anything."