Meddlesome Minds

We sat around the old coffee table mugs in our hands sharing confidences, taking potshots at one another and breaking into laughter every other minute. A curious onlooker would see three women in their mid to late twenties bonding over a cup of coffee in the middle of a busy work day.

Fanny giggling with mirth brushed the errant lock of hair out of her eyes and said, “I was up half the night talking to Derrick. He wants to meet up this Sunday, what do you guys think, do you’ll know of any place that will make a good tenth date?”
Derrick her boyfriend for all of two months figured quite regularly in our conversations these days. It was always Derrick this, Derrick that, Derrick said this and so on. Frankly I was getting quite sick of all these Derrick updates. The way she went on, you would think Derrick was the answer to all of life’s unsolved mysteries and more. I mean I know she’s truly smitten but please spare me the details of how cool he looks while whisking the phone out of his pocket or how he makes taking a leak look like a work of art. I mean really! Maybe it’s got something to do with the fact that Fanny as revolting as she looks to me has received very little male attention in the last 24 years. No wonder she thinks of Derrick as the answer to all her prayers.

Rachel squinted up at her and offered, “Why don’t you’ll try this cozy new restaurant, it’s called Western Express, very tasteful, romantic and it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. We tried it last week and I must say it was a super experience. Even Vicky was raving about it.” Rachel probably the most attractive one among the three of us was in her late twenties and married to Vicky her husband for all of 3 years. She shops at all the plush up-market boutiques, dines at swanky restaurants and can’t remember the last time she used public transport. Life is so unfair!

I kept mum since I couldn’t come up with anything useful. After all, I hadn’t been on a decent date in the past 3 months. And even before that I can’t recall ever having a dinner or lunch date considering eating is not one of my favorite things in the world to do. Since I couldn’t be of help I decided to have some fun at Fanny’s expense. “Hey Fanny, I think you should play hard to get for a bit. I mean don’t go off rushing to meet him each time he calls. Teach him to toe the line here. I know it’s only been a couple of months and the novelty has not worn out yet but it’s never too early to begin. I say refuse to meet him this Sunday and for the next month at least. Absence does make the heart grow fonder after all.” I said all this keeping a straight face with a slightly superior air like I actually knew what I was talking about. This was seriously rich coming from someone who has had three failed relationships in the past not to mention left a trail of broken hearts in the last so many years. But Fanny and Rachel don’t know that about me. But then, there are lots of things they don’t know about me.

Rachel regarded me with a half smirk and raised one well shaped brow that looked like something half the world’s beauticians had worked on. Fanny stared at me, bewilderment writ large on her vastly vacant face. She finally managed a, “You really think so? I mean these last few days have been fantastic. I’m not sure I like the idea of playing games with someone I love.” I pitched in with all the conviction I could muster, “Oh you’re not playing games. You’re just teaching him to appreciate you and never take you for granted. They all start doing that after a point you know. Never give them what they ask for and when you do, act as if you’re doing them a mighty favor. That’s the way to go.” I completed hoping I was convincing enough.
Rachel suddenly realizing where I was going with all this, winked across at me and added, “You know she’s right Fan. You have to cool things off for a bit. You must show him that your life doesn’t revolve around him. You have your friends, your work…” she trailed off. The thing is she couldn’t think of anything else since as far as we knew Fanny didn’t seem to have many interests apart from her friends who at the moment were limited to Rachel and I. And when it comes to work, let’s say she isn’t the most competent employee around. As for hobbies, I would say her most engaging hobby till date is making wishes on falling stars. Nevertheless, our meddling seemed to have hit bulls’ eye. She glanced at the two of us and stood up saying, “Yeah, I think I’ll tell him I’m busy this Sunday and the next Sunday too. Come to think of it of late, I’ve been the one making most of the phone calls. And the last time, I suggested we catch a movie, he told me he had a friend’s birthday party to attend. You know what, you guys are so right. It’s high time I started showing him who’s the boss around here. Thanks, I can always count on you’ll.”
Rachel snickered and whispered, “You wicked girl, what have you got against Fanny?” I replied chuckling, “The same thing you have against her which is absolutely nothing. I was just tired of hearing about dear Derrick’s absolutely boring antics.” We dissolved into giggles once again.

The next day Fanny burst in exclaiming, “You guys are the best. I did exactly what you told me to and it seems to be working. I haven’t called him at all and when he happened to call, I firmly told him I couldn’t meet him at least for the next couple of months. I think I’ve convinced him that I have better things to do than sitting around waiting for his call. In fact I informed him I would be extremely busy in the next few weeks.” Now, this was quite a declaration considering the only thing that keeps Fanny busy these days is daydreaming about Mr. You’re-So- Perfect-For-Me.
I caught Rachel frowning and I guess she mirrored my own thoughts. I spoke to her when I was sure Fanny wasn’t listening, “Hey, why did that little twit have to overdo it? All we said is play a little hard to get, not play don’t get at all.” She replied, “Yeah I know, let’s just wait and watch what happens.”
So we waited and we watched.

The weekend approached sooner than we expected and Fanny was on a roll, “Hey guess what, I haven’t called Derrick and when he calls I tell him I’m busy and hang up promptly. He seems so confused. I really feel in control now and I owe it all to my best friends.”
Whoa, what was wrong with this woman? I said nothing considering I had said enough already. But as the day progressed I noticed that Fanny didn’t seem all that happy. If anything she seemed real dull and lackluster. And by teatime she seemed about ready to burst into tears. I nudged her and inquired, “What’s wrong? You seemed so cheery this morning.” I guess that was the last straw. The dam broke and the tears came gushing out like twin rivers coursing down her cheeks making her look even more repulsive than before if that’s possible. She looked accusingly at Rachel and me and said, “You know I did what you guys told me to, haven’t spoken much, not met him in the past week and now someone I know came across Derrick walking across the park with a girl. What’s more, I called him to try and make amends and he said he would be tied up tonight with friends. What am I going to do now?” And she began sobbing again as though someone had removed all of her innards and replaced them with gigantic tear glands.
Rachel and I had the grace to look guilty but unfortunately had to get back to work and didn’t have the time to console or offer any more words of wisdom which was just as well if you think about the harm we’d done.

Even so, my concentration was off for the rest of the afternoon. I felt real low and mean and spiteful which I probably was. I mean why did I have to go and rock a perfectly steady boat? Did I really get my jollies from watching my friend unhappy in her relationship? Or was it my own sense of frustration that caused me to behave this way, that plain old Fanny can get someone to love her while I can’t. And as for Rachel why did she have to play along with me? She seems perfectly happy in her marriage or is she? I mean yeah, she talks about the hip new joints she visits with Vicky, the clothes he buys her, the jewelry he gifts her. But while I’ve known her for a year, I don’t know anything about him. I mean sure, I know he is an investment banker but she never speaks about him, like his particular idiosyncrasies or how he likes his tea a certain way or a certain something he said to her that made her laugh. Come to think of it she hardly speaks of him at all except in terms of somewhere he took her or something he bought her. Still waters really do run deep. In a way, I guess we both envied Fanny. Here was a girl who was as unappealing physically as she was dense and yet someone had found something to love about her.

I was filled with remorse and self-pity. By the time I got off work I was almost suicidal. What had I done? What on earth was wrong with me? Fanny just stalked off without a backward glance. Rachel was also squirming around feeling uncomfortable. I asked her, “What do you think we should do? I mean we have to do something. We are to blame for all this you know.” She replied, “I don’t know. I feel like an absolute heel. I guess I was irritated by her complete obsession with Derrick. But I definitely didn’t want this to happen.”

We began walking down the road exchanging ideas about how we could set things right again. None of us could come up with a single good suggestion. I was sure I was going to have a sleepless night filled with nightmares with me as the Wicked Witch of the East on a rampage to snatch love away from young lovers. I do have a wild imagination, that’s something I forgot to mention early on. Rachel also seemed kind of upset, but I guess she had her own demons to battle.

Our worries turned out to be unfounded because under the shade of a wide mango tree, we came across none other than Fanny and Derrick holding hands and staring into each others eyes as though they had found something that had been lost for the past five centuries. Hooray! All that worrying for nothing. I turned to Rachel and said, “Next time, make sure we tell her that breaking up every other week is the perfect way to begin a long term relationship.”
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