satirical if it wasn't sad...ah, to be an adult in love |
In a single touch you wiped away all the years. My true love, my sexual partner ...it all came back. I was beautiful. I was the earth and sky and all between. I was worthy of that touch...of truth. Felt all the shadows of shame slip away, sneaking along the walls into hiding at the warm glow of gaze's light. So much conveyed in a touch! The memory of a feeling tore through all the years between that youthful bliss and all I have become. What was it - to feel sexy? What happened to me now, so much older, so... different? Once, love consumed all infidelities - every thought. Perhaps when the soul is penetrated physically there are no more boundaries, no reality. He used to watch me, too, a predator of sorts...a "curiosity collector." Yet when he had me alone, his gaze - I see that gaze in your eyes. I was such a child! I was gorgeous. I only saw myself through his eyes. How I loved him Loved feeling worthy of love from him. I am a grown-up now; I can scarcely remember it anymore. There is no room, no place in life for three days in the bedroom and orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. Stupidity. Such ignorance and... blind faith. When honesty could fix everything and love could conquer all, and sex - well, sex cured almost anything. I am so much wiser now, so smart. I know such things can't last, are figments of a lonely heart and desperation. I can't believe in such fancies anymore. But, ach! A gaze and touch and I was lost in your morning's afterglow, in the soft and tiny tracings of my breasts, my arms and hips; absent minded movements as your eyes saw only my face, my nervously moving mouth. How? How did you make me believe again in such foolishness! Thinking you could hear me, not just my words. Idiocracy and embarrassment: I believed in love again, in the existence of love's ideal form, for an instant. The quaking trembles shook me to the foundation of my core. I am wise, though, aware; too long since childish fantasies. I would that I were not, but I cannot again embrace that dream. |