I hate the way I feel

I just want to be left alone- I really do! I am not in the mood for anything or anyone. Everything seems to bother me, all I want to do is sleep. I don't even know why I am on here writing. I seem not care about anything. I ignore my phone calls, I don't have any feelings I am just... blah. I was going to a psychiatrist not too long ago and all i got was meds for my depression and bipolar symptoms. Did I speak to a therapyst? no, I did not. I keep my blinds closed, I barely go out and talk to anyone, for what? What can they do for me? Nothing! Anyway, Im sitting in my livingroom right now just thinking about what is and what could have been. Praying that night comes quickly. I have become fond of the night. I lets me hide within myself. Although the day rejuvinates ones being, it has not done so to me in a few days, and I hate that feeling. I hate the pain of anxiety in my stomach, the feel of heaviness on my soul. I hate waiting, i hate not knowing. No one knows, no one knows. Why am I alive? What is my purpose here? My son? Ok that's all I want to say right now.