The End

The End



    The night was dark, with no moon or stars to brighten the violent storm that was tearing through Middleton. The winds thrashed at the windows and the rain poured from the black, rolling clouds. Lightning flashed and thunder boomed.

         A perfect night for dancing.

         I was crammed into a pile of people, dancing with whoever was behind me (I really didn’t care who I was dancing with as long as I was dancing), and was having a really great time. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have a date to the first school dance of the year. Everyone in the room was my dance partner. It didn’t matter that I only knew a handful of people. All that had mattered was that I was wearing the best dress there, and that I felt beautiful for a rare, fleeting moment.

         I moved with the music and the thunder that rocked the small gymnasium that my classmates and I were in. The school had actually hired a good D.J. this year. Which was rare for our boring little school. Nothing good ever happened there. Ever.

    Hands were everywhere. So it didn’t surprise me when a pair wound around my waist and pulled me closer to a sweating body. I swayed with the music, and my partner, until the fast, upbeat song came to an end and a slow boring song took its place. 

    I moved quickly away from my dance partner, not even giving him a backward glance, and headed over toward the drink stand so I could refuel. Slow dances were for people who either had dates or were interested in someone. I was neither. I belonged to no one. And no one belonged to me. That’s the way I liked it. It worked for me. Besides, slow dances and cutesy stuff made me feel uncomfortable and reminded me about the hole that was chiseled into my heart.

    I shook my head and downed a fizzy drink. I grabbed another and threw it down. And then, just for the hell of it, another. I felt someone tap on my shoulder. I turned around.

    Eyes of the bluest blue looked down on me and I felt all of the wonderful feelings slip away.  Those were the same eyes that I had loved for half of my life. My heart raced. I knew I would say something stupid or irrational, so I bit my tongue and set my empty cup down on the table.

    “Hey.” His sweet voice said with a grin.

My heart did a little flip and I willed it to stop. Feeling this way was so stupid. But it wouldn’t stop and my stomach suddenly filled with butterflies. I imagined myself ripping off the wings of the little traitors and steadied my breathing. Surprisingly, it worked.

    “Hello.” I was happy to hear that my voice sounded drained and bored.

    “Do you-“ he paused and looked around uncomfortably. “Do you want to dance?”

    I scanned the room for his buddies who would be snickering at us from a corner if this were a trick, but they were no where in sight.

    I thought for a moment, thinking of all the terrible things that might happen, remembering some things that had ALREADY happened before saying,” Sure.”

I had barely realized what I had said before he was dragging me across the dance floor. He put his hands at my waist and I put mine on his shoulders, careful not to seem too eager and at the same time, not too hesitant. He seemed to be doing the same.

    His eyes were looking me over, noticing every little detail just like I remembered he always did. So I did the same. He wore his older brother’s suit that he always made fun of but secretlythought was cool. He looked very handsome in it. His shoes also weren’t his. Probably a friend’s since I didn’t’ recognize them. And his hair was still wild and falling in his eyes. It took everything I had not to push the stray brown lock back.

    I bit down the urge to squeal or kiss him. It was a hell of a lot harder than it seems. He was still exactly the way he was before. Same wonderful grin, and eyes, and the way he was so nervous all the time. Same everything. He even smelled exactly the way he always used to.

    I was fighting back a smile when he suddenly brought me back from my memories. “So how have you been?”

    “Oh, you know, “, I sighed, glad to talk to him, to be near him. “Same old thing with the parents.” I grinned up at him. Oh just how well he knew. His smile said he understood. He was probably the only person that did.

    I wedged myself a little closer to him. I knew I would regret it later when the hole in my heart was back, but for now it was filled and I felt wonderful and whole again. “And yourself?” I asked, looking him full on now.

    “Good I guess.” He looked out into the crowd and then back at me.

    “You guess?”

    “Yeah.”

    “…oh.” I didn’t really know what to say. I slid my arms off his shoulders a bit. I hoped it hadn’t been that obvious that I was so happy about being near him.

    “I feel really awful about what I said this summer.” He sounded like he really meant it. But as much as I wanted to believe that, the rational part of my brain kicked in.

    “Really now?” my voice sounded angry, but I wasn’t. I didn’t really know why it came out that way.

    “Yeah and…” I watched him struggle to find the right words. “I really miss you. Your company I mean. You were my best friend and I’d really like us to go back to that. I mean like, before we were dating."  That shocked me. I didn’t know what to think. He wanted to be my friend? After what he did this summer, did he seriously think that I would forgive him? Obviously. And from the way I had been acting…God. How embarrassing. He probably thought we'd be hooking up tonight. Good Lord!

    "He doesn’t deserve to your friendship". My voice of reason said. "He doesn’t even deserve to stand in your presence. Hate him. Hate him. Hate him. After all the shit he put you through… he doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve anything."

    And he didn’t. I knew that. But I still opened my mouth and said, “Of course.” I saw him start to smile.

    The song changed to a rap song and I suddenly felt ill. “I’ll see you around.” I murmured before I practically ran to the bathroom with the ceiling creaking overhead.

    I grabbed the sink and stared at my reflection. As much as I wanted to think about him, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t let myself. I checked my face, took some of the free gum in a fancy basket on the counter, and re-hair sprayed my hair, but that beautiful feeling that I had had a while ago was completely gone by then. Not even a trace of it. My insides felt torn apart. I wanted to cry, but that would have been dumb and irrational. I wanted to beat someone up, but that would hurt and I would probably get my ass kicked. I wanted to kiss him, but that would have been a mistake.

    The face I saw in the mirror was pale and shinning. Only the eyes gave away what I was really feeling. Sad and hurt. The green in them shone bright, on the brink of tears.

    Why? I wasn’t sure. My feelings were all messed up. My stomach hurt and my heart was racing. I was so happy to be his friend again, but I knew that I could never think of him as just a friend. I would always want him to be mine and I would always want to be his. We could never be friends. So I decided.

    I pushed my way past a clump of gibbering freshman and out the bathroom door. I craned my neck to see over people but that didn’t help much. I was too short, even with heels. I pushed past some people dancing to some song I hadn't heard of and the moaning ceiling. I almost gave up, but then I turned and there he was, standing in the corner, his back against the wall, drinking a soda. He was alone. I stood there and watched a few of the girls who were known to "put out" come up to him and ask him to dance. I thought he would say yes. Actually, I sort of hoped he would so I wouldn’t have to tell him what needed to be said, but he shook his head. His face was set in a hard line. His thinking face. I knew it well.

    That was the face that I saw this summer that sent me into a spiraling depression. I wouldn’t admit that he had had that effect on me out loud, but it was true all the same. That was the worst day of my life.

    I hadn’t realized that I had been staring until he looked up at me. I blushed when he grinned at me. I am such a dork. He motioned for me to come over, so I did.

Before he could open his mouth and say anything, I took a deep breath to savor his scent and to help me think clearer.

    “Look,” I started, but his eyes made me lose my concentration. I looked at my feet. “I’m really glad that you want us to be friends again, but- but I’m not sure it would work.” I took another deep breath and, my heart still trying to pound its way out of my chest, I said what had been on my mind since last summer. “I still love you.”

      I waited for him to say something- anything- for about twenty seconds, before I turned around. I glanced over my shoulder and said,” So it would be too weird trying to be your friend with that always getting in the way.” I took a step and felt his hand on my shoulder, turning back around to face him. I reluctantly pulled my face up so I could look at him. He was smiling, almost laughing even. Was he really going to laugh at me? Didn’t he know how hard it was for me to say that to him? I felt traitorous tears welling up in my eyes and put my face in my hands. He wrapped his arms around me in that comforting way that had always made me feel like the luckiest person in the world.

    “I love you too.” He murmured into my hair.

    I looked up at him. “What?”

    “I tried to get over you, but I just couldn’t. And I couldn't believe I'd let my loser friends talk me into breaking it off with you.” I remembered that. All of his friends hated me because i had called the cops on one of their parties. I couldn't just sit back and watch them kill themselves with drugs. I had to do something.

    He tucked a tuft of hair behind my ear. “I love you. I always have.” Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back, feeling like it was all too good to be true. That, before I knew it, I would be waking up to the sound of my alarm clock and have to go to school. But it wasn’t a dream. I was really there, and he really loved me. All of the empty feelings that I had had were gone. The hole in my heart completely filled. I loved him and he loved me. We were together again. Life couldn’t have been better.

    When I couldn’t breathe anymore, I pulled my lips from his and rested my head on his chest. I breathed in deeply and remembered the first time we kissed. It was so awkward but amazing at the same time. I smiled.

    He smoothed a hand over my back and then wrapped both of his arms around my waist to hold me close. I snuggled up against him and breathed in again. His scent calmed me.

      I didn’t even notice the creaking noises.

    “I love you so much.” He breathed.

    “I love you too.”

    A loud groaning sound came from the ceiling. I looked up at it in time to see bits of it being torn off by the wind. Some of the heavier pieces fell on my classmates in the middle of the crowd. Metal wire periced flesh, then everyone started screaming.

    I held onto him as tight as I could and fought off the urge to faint. He started to pull me toward the exit doors, holding my hand the whole way. A loud groan shook the whole building. The music came to a halting stop and the lights cut off.

    I wrapped my arms around him as we ran to the glowing exit sign. When we reached the door we tried to push it open, but it wouldn’t. Another violent wind shook the building and our classmates began pushing us out of the way so they could get to the door. He held onto me and pulled my chin up. His eyes were afraid. For him and for me.

    Then the ceiling caved, and it all ended.







~MJA