Wallflower

I simply cannot understand what interests people in the damn parties. A bunch of boring old people crammed together in an enclosed space; it reminds me of a museum exhibit or a zoo.

Over here we have Mrs Woodward, a rich widow with an unhealthy taste for wearing dead animals. On her right you may take notice of the young male pining for her affections - or her money, more likely. This is a fairly common ritual among his kind.

And over there, at the buffet, it is feeding time for Mr Spatchcock. Although by nature he is an omnivore, his diet mostly leans toward the carnivorous type. But then again, he is very old and has few pleasures left in life - his wife took away his tobacco last month - so I think we should allow him this last one.

I see Lady Brunswick has decided make an appearance tonight. There she stands in all her opulence, turning up her nose at us lesser folk. The younger female beside her is her spawn, Ms Emmaline Brunswick. She hates me. No, that's not quite right; she detests me, loathes me. We are in something of a competition, you see, both of us being young, unmarried females. Not that I have much interest in getting married, but she still seems to consider me a threat. I suppose I should think of that as a compliment.

Ah, and here comes Mr Henry Brooks. He is a fine specimen of another type of a young male. What must be established here first is that all the young males at these things only attend them for one purpose only: to find a suitable spouse. What vary are the credentials upon which they choose their mates. Some, like the one I introduced you to earlier, choose their targets by financial standards, others - like Henry - tend to choose based on personal attributes. That means looks, attitude, intellect, and so on. Henry's main criterion is the ability to look away and remain apparently oblivious to anything and everything going on around you. You wouldn't think of it at first sight, but our Henry here has some very unconventional tendencies. You notice how his gaze on occasion lingers on certain male peers of his? Well, were anyone here to take notice of it, the results could be rather… scandalous.

I have only been trusted with this information because I am very close friends with Henry. We've been entertaining the idea of marrying each other just so that we could avoid all the pressure from our families and these gruesome people that surround us presently.

"You make a wonderful wallflower, Betty. How do you do it?"

"Thank you, Henry. You're too kind. Enjoying the party?"

"Just about as much as I ever have. Your mother sure knows how to throw a perfectly common party."

"I know. It must be all the practice."

"And have her attempts to find you a fiancé been successful?"

"Not really. They're all far more interested in Ms Brunswick than me, which - as you know - is fine by me. "

"My mother has been ushering me to court Ms Brunswick, as well. I did hint that I'd be better off courting you, since there is less competition."

"How noble of you, my dear."

"Anything for you, precious."

Oh no, here comes the hostess herself. My mother, Mrs Charlotte Mulberry, is obsessed with finding a suitable fiancé for me. That is why she has taken to arranging one of these parties at least once a month. I fear she's getting rather desperate, for this is the second event we'd had this month. I must grab Henry's arm so he doesn't make a run for it. I simply cannot face that woman alone.

"Elizabeth, why are you standing over here in this corner? You should be mingling, you foolish girl!"

"Mrs Mulberry, what a pleasure see you. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to enjoy your alluring company at all this evening."

"Mr Brooks, I am glad you could join us this evening."

My mother's voice and body language tell rather different story than her words do. It's a peculiar thing that while she makes every effort to get me married, she would despise the only man in the room who actually has shown interest in me. What a complex woman she is.

"I must apologize, ma'am, I'm afraid I am to blame for your daughter's negligence. I asked to keep me company, and being such a good little hostess-to-be, she obliged. You have certainly raised a fine young woman, Mrs Mulberry."

One thing Henry is very good at is cultivating praises. He has refined it down to an art. Just look at that smug smile on my mother's face. She's buying it all, and why wouldn't she? He's only telling her what she already believes is true. Pure genius.

"Thank you, Mr Brooks. Tell me, do you have any plans for brunch this Sunday?"

Oh my goodness! Can this be happening? Henry appears just as surprised as I am. Is she warming up to the idea of us together? That would be perfect.

"Um… no, not as such. Why do you ask, ma'am?"

"No? Marvellous! We're having a small picnic in the garden. Nothing elaborate, just a little family outing. You'd be more than welcome to join us, Mr Brooks."

"I would be honoured to join you and your family, Mrs Mulberry."

"Fantastic. I'll see you then. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to check on the kitchen."

"Certainly. It was charming to meet you again, Mrs Mulberry."

Of course the little ponce would kiss her hand, just to finish off. But she seems pleased, and most importantly, seems to have forgotten my duties.

"Mission accomplished, I'd say."

"Don't get too cocky, Henry. She could still change her mind."

"Certainly, and if she's anything like my mother, she'll do so more than once. We shall have to hope that the brunch goes on without a glitch."

"I agree. I would hate to loose a fine man like you to someone as vile as Emmaline Brunswick."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about her. She's far too curious for my taste, and I hear she has a horrid obsession with rumours. That might prove to be most problematic, considering my… situation."

"Yes, people do tend to spread such cruel things about their fellow men. The more damage it does, the better."

"What would you do, were such rumours to reach your ears?"

"Naturally I'd be aghast and appalled by the accusations, and deny everything."

"Good girl. But I must bid you farewell. My mother is summoning me. See you on Sunday, Betty."

"Goodbye 'til then, Henry."

This is also the perfect opportunity for me to make my disappearance. I must get away from these awful people.