It Takes Time

“Oh…hey Tanya. How’s it going?” Typical Cory, calm and relaxed, just like nothing happened. 

“I’m alright. How about you?” I hate this stupid small talk stuff. Why do I even have to be talking to him? I wish I hadn’t looked up. I wish I hadn’t seen him passing me in the hall. “I’m good…yeah…good. Actually, I’m great.” Sure, just rub it in. You’ve moved on, and I’m still dwelling on the way things were left between us.

“What have you been up to?” Like I even care. Hmm…what’s a good way I can get out of this with just a bit of my dignity left?  “Nothing much really. Just trying to keep afloat in all my classes.” Oh my god, he’s so stupid. Why did I even date him in the first place? Even worse, why did I love him? “Yeah, tell me about it! I almost flunked math!” Stupid small talk. Stupid small talk! “Math is brutal! So, you dating anyone new?”

God! How did I know this question was gonna come up! What am I supposed to say? That ever since we broke up I’ve been unable to even look at a guy? That I miss him so much that I still cry myself to sleep every night? I don’t think so! That would be a sure way to make a fool of myself. And even I’m not that pathetic. 

“Not really…you?” Please don’t say yes. If you say yes, I swear my heart will completely break.  “Yeah. Actually I’ve met someone pretty special. Things seem to be going great between us. She’s a real winner.” Oh my god. Did he just say what I think he said? “That’s great.” What’s her name? I’ll find her and kill her! How dare she take my man? But then, I guess he wasn’t technically “my man,” but it still isn't fair!

“But it’s not like you really care. I’m sure you’ve long since forgotten our dating days.” Yeah right. Like I could forget the way you looked at me, the way you laughed with me…the way you kissed me.  “Well…not really.” Oh god, what did I just do. Lesson number one. Never let a guy know you miss him after you’ve broken up! 

“You’re not still hung up on me are you?” Look what I’ve gotten myself into! “I…well…” Oh god. Lesson number two. Always have a way to get yourself out of any possible problems.  “Tanya! What’s wrong with you? We broke up over four months ago!”

Sure, maybe four months to you. But to me it feels more like four days! “Excuse me? I don’t think it’s actually your choice if I’m over you or not. My god Cory. I thought we had something special. Not something that would end over a silly fight! So, sorry if I still wonder if you were the love of my life. It’s gonna take some time for my heart to deal with this!" Ohhh…big mistake! Never bring up the words my heart when talking to an ex-boyfriend!

“The love of your life? Tanya, we’re in grade 12! I honestly doubt I was the love of your life, and I’m sure you weren’t the love of mine!” Great. He thinks of me as a total freak.  “Ouch!” Lesson number three. Never let an ex-boyfriend know he hurt you. 

“Listen Tanya. I don’t think we should be discussing this! I should go. I’m gonna be late for class!” Sure, typical male, run when the conversation gets serious.  “I’m sorry Cory. But I can’t help how I feel. I still love you. I think a part of me always will. Just forget we ever talked.” Walk away. Please, don’t talk…just walk away. 

“Bye Tanya.” Thank you. “Bye.”  I wonder if Cory will ever understand why I’m not over our whole break up. We didn’t end on the best terms. What can he expect? He’s a wonderful guy and I love him. I love him? I guess I do…and I guess I always will!