departing love

    I never understood what it meant to become friends with the boy before you fall in love.  Now it all makes sense..


    I could feel his breath linger over my neck as I sat on that wooden bench.  The air felt dim and warm.  The night was black, like the exact night I met that boy.  That boy that changed my life.  I thought back to the very first time I met him...


    I was walking home with my friends after the big football game.  It was a beautiful night with the smell of the fresh air and the stars bright as ever just watching over you.  I hadnt seen my boyfriend in two weeks because he was at college and I was still in high school.  Everyone knew we would get married, I was happy with him.. most of the time.  Well he had called me that beautiful night, just like he does every night.  His voice was different though.  It sounded glum and ruined. As we talked.. his voice got.. slower.. and softer.  I sat down on that wooden bench as my friends walked off laughing.  A tear slower appeared in my ear and trickled down my burning cheeks. My lips quivered as I heard the solemn words coming from his mouth.  "You're too good for me. I cant do this anymore. I have to leave."


    I sat on the wooden bench for hours, it felt like, not moving, silent.  People came and went.  I just sat there.


    "Excuse me.  Are you alright?"  A gentle voice came from the air but I didnt care to look up.  He knelt down and leaned against the wooden bench.  "Ma'am?"  He had an accent.


    I dared to look up to see who my nosey stranger was.  He had dark hair, not long.  Broad shoulders and a strong jaw.  His eyes were mysterious yet welcoming.


    "Yea, sorry.  I'll be fine."


      "Are you sure you'll be okay?"
   

      I looked at him again.  This time he looked different.  He look unfamiliar yet friendly.  I stood up, wiping the tears from my cheeks and took a deep breath.


      "Let's go for a walk."


      I just looked at him in disbelief.  Are you crazy?... I thought.  No way I dont even know you...


      "Okay."  Yet there was a reassurance about him, I couldnt control what was coming out of my mouth.


      As we walked along the parks and the sidewalks we talked.  We talked about everything.  For a stranger, I felt like I knew him my whole life.  He walked me to my house but I didn't invite him in.  We just stood on my porch for another couple hours.  It was so comfortable.

 
    The next days came and went.  I never saw that boy again.  Until that following Saturday night.  My friends and I went to another football game. I found him in a crowd of hundreds of teenagers and he found me.  A feeling of excitement and rush flowed through my body.  He climbed through the kids and took my hand.  He pulled me down to the front where he had been before.

 
      After the game, we took the same path home as we did that first night we met, but we stopped at the wooden bench and sat down.  He told me to close my eyes.  So I did.  He left for a while and a rush of discomfort and lonliness came over me.  I knew he was coming back because I could smell his addictive cologne.
   

      "Open you're eyes."


      Holding an orange flower in front of me, he said four words that will never be forgotten,  "I think you're special."


      No one has ever told me those words before.  It was then that I knew that I was going to fall in love with him.  I didnt want him to leave me.


      We walked home that night hand in hand.  The following night came and we walked to that same wooden bench.  That became our spot.  Every weekend we spent at that wooden bench.


      What great memories I had sitting on that wooden bench.  My mind took me to another memory.. to our first kiss.


      We hadnt seen eachother for a week.  he called me every night but I still felt lonely.  His voice was just enough for me to keep going but it wouldnt last for long.  It was a Friday night, it was snowing, and it was the coldest night of winter.  It was late.  I missed him so much.  I walked to the wooden bench by myself but his voice was with me.  I sat on the bench scrunched up holding the phone to my ear.


      "Close your eyes."


      He liked to play games with me.  I never argued.  I closed my eyes.


      "Hey beautifu.l"


      His voice was in my ear.  Exept this time it was alive.  I felt the warmth of his breath on my cheek.  I turned and I saw his gentle face.


      It was then that I knew, I was no longer falling in love with him.  I was in love with him.


    We sat on that bench talking here and there.  He would look at me and I would glance at him.  He put his strong hand on my soft cheek, pulling me closer, and gently touched his lips to mine.


      Memories come and go but they always return.  As I sat on the wooden bench in the dim air, I thought back to the night he left.  He was assigned to go to Iraq.  I didnt want him to leave but he had his duty and i had to let him go.  He called every chance he could.  We wrote every chance we oculd.  It wasn't enough.  Weeks came and left and I only received one phone call.  He only had 3 more days until he could return.


    But those days never came. I remember that last phone call I got.  "I'm so sorry but..."  I fell to the ground.  My hands went numb.  My heart stopped beating.  My breath came short.  Yet no tears came from my eyes, just from my heart.

   
      It wasn't until now, sitting on this old, lonely, wooden bench, where i shed my first tears.  My first tears of true love.  For i knew that I loved him and I knew he would never come back.