The World’s Dumbest Question

Let’s be honest, when you get to a certain age you are often asked, what I believe, is the world’s dumbest question. It is a question which doesn’t really have a definitive answer, or at least a reply that is satisfying enough to the “not so pushy, but genuinely concerned person” asking it. If you are above 25 years of age and you are still wondering what that question is, I will help you out. It is the question asked in total shock, surprise, and sympathy, a question that makes you seem like the center of attention, the federal case study, pity case, or social deformity within any community of married women or men. It is the all prying “Why are you not married yet?” saga.

Often asked in total shock or surprise, this has to be the dumbest question anyone can ask you. It is dumb because you often find yourself unable to answer it. If I am describing your case, then rest assured that you are not alone, and if you find yourself confused when asked then congratulations you are normal. There is nothing wrong with you, but yet everything is wrong about the question itself.

Without you even realizing it, the “why are you not married yet” interrogation drags you to either come out as the person who is overconfident and who doesn’t even think about the issue, or the person who is pathetically searching for love and marriage, but who is also the social reject. If you choose to take on image number one , you will probably answer the mean question with a powerful reply, a reply along the lines of “I don’t want to get married”, or “I haven’t met the right person yet”. But, if you take on image number two you will probably say something along the lines of “Really, I don’t know, I want to but….”, and after the “but” you will give a stream of pleas that will make seem like you are feeling sorry for yourself.

It is only natural for you to find yourself at a crossroad when asked this question . After all, which of these two images do you really want to give about yourself?

I assure you that when your ego is at stake, you will probably say ”I haven’t met the right person yet”, when in reality what you really want to say is “I really do not know, and if I did, I would probably be married by now”. You will then find yourself sitting alone a few hours after the stupid question is asked, and it is during this alone time that you will take a long hard piercing look at your physical image, your personality, and the way you deal with others, only to ask yourself the real question that has been lurking beneath the show of confidence you put on everyday. You will most definitely say to yourself “Yes, what is wrong with me and yes why haven’t I met him/her yet”.

Don’t even attempt to answer that question; coz even trying to do so will drive you crazy. Better still, let me answer it for you. There is nothing wrong with you, me, or anyone put in this situation. But, there is something very wrong with the person trying to label you or your life. There is everything wrong about the person assuming that you actually know why you haven’t settled down. And yes, any person actually expecting you to have an answer to a question that is about a situation based on destiny is mentally demented.

Let tell you about a situation that I was put in, a situation that I admit hurt me at the beginning but really made me change the way I look at things. The other day, I was talking to a guy who is 40 and who is not a friend, but more or less an acquaintance. He, like most of our community members , asked the stupid question. So, I naturally gave him the all confident response and said” I haven’t met the right person yet”. He responded by saying “well you are pretty hopeful at your age!” which is not that old by the way.

I guess it was his bad luck coz my case of verbal diarrhea was especially powerful that day. I responded, “And, you are many years older than me, so I guess that makes you hopeful too” with a sarcastic tone. He replied, “Yes but I am a guy, and guys can get married anytime they like because they can father children at any age”.

This response got me thinking, are women just baby machines for men?. Is marriage really a race, where you have to jump and get married to the first person you meet before you “expire”? Is any woman over the magic 25 years’ line unworthy of marriage? Is she just a returned good, a problem to society?

The answer is no. Women are ,in fact, victims of a society that likes to label things, a society that believes that they are judged by age, and a society that drags them into the pit of low self esteem created by stupid needless comments.

Men are victims too, victims of the silly things they pick up from older generations. They are held captive to the silliness that makes them define women by their age and not by who they really are. They fall into the trap of thinking that they need to marry young women because an older woman can’t have children. Men are victims of falling into loveless marriages simply because a girl is the “right age” whatever the hell that means. They are probably asked the stupid question too, but they, unlike our females, can respond by letting their moms or relatives find the miss right for them, the miss right here being the girl who is young, pretty, and can have babies, never mind anything else. If you really must know, Mr. 40 year old bachelor of the year is looking for a girl between the ages of 23 and 25, so if you fit this criterion and are interested I can forward you his details. Then again forget that, I won’t because I don’t think any woman in this world deserves to know that she just won the how old is the bride competition and that that was her only asset.

For those who are happily married and who insist on asking this question I ask, what is worse A: knowing you are not married for no fault of your own, and knowing you are happy this way unless something better comes along, or is it B: knowing that you are married because you are the right age, and never knowing if your choice was the best one. I leave you to decide. And, I ask you to think once, twice, and one million times before asking such stupid questions.

However, this note is no generalization. The world is full of people of ALL ages who got married for the right reasons. These are the people who fell in love and who found that life is an ongoing state of bliss because they are together. For those being asked the question, I say ignore, move on, and think that you too can be lucky regardless of how old you are. Simply, stop listening to others, stop responding, stop being hard on yourself, and start living. If you are reading this and you are thinking none of what is said applies to the way you feel then congratulations. I really am glad I am wrong about you.