The Fading of Time

Tired of caring, wishing I had just one ounce of apathy,
instead my heart is filled with tears of empathy,
I know not the "God" of my childhood anymore,
I know not what it is I even continue living for.

I could toil away the rest of my days,
try to better myself in all the remedial ways,
submit my days to work, to growth, and learning,
but in the end, it would still leave me yearning.

I could search long and hard for a truest love, a purest romance,
but as before, our hearts would be torn apart through circumstance,
because nothing is ever certain, nothing is ever rock steady,
even if we were to actually think our hearts we're ready.

There is not a friend in the world that wouldn't eventually desert me,
and so, a forever friend in my life I am certain there will never be,
unless death were to snatch us away before our friendship's end.
Though I've a forgiving demeanor, some relationships cannot mend.

Where went the days of my youth, those hopeful, innocent days,
the days when my father held me close, and with brother I'd play?
If only I could unlearn the barbarities, the dark cold tumulous blues,
unsee seen tradgedies that have unfolded before me, unhear the news.

If I could only skip again, see the sunshine with a clearer vision,
not feel that every 'simplicity' in life is really some sad illusion,
If I could just hear my daddy say one more time, "you're beautiful",
and in my mind, really believe it, without the words proceeding to dull.

I wish that flowers would regain their magic, and humanity it's trust,
that in these bones, I wouldn't grow arthritic or senile, destined to rust,
I wish that God would whisper his plans to me, or at least say "I'm here",
His purpose, if he exists or has one, just isn't very clear.
I would that He'd say something. Anything.
So that I can stop this aimless wandering.