Family Advocacy Group

 
               GRAPHIC: WELCOME TO THE FAMILY ADVOCACY GROUP

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         The Family Advocacy Group presents
                         this short informational video.

                                                       FADE TO BLACK.

                                                       FADE IN:

               INT. STAGE - DAY

               SARAH and ARTHUR are standing in front of a pale blue
               backdrop. They are both cheerful, bubbly, and very friendly
               in a drink-the-kool-aid kind of way.

                                   SARAH
                         Hi! I'm Sarah.

                                   ARTHUR
                         And I'm Arthur.

                                   SARAH
                         If you're watching this video, it's
                         because you're concerned enough
                         about the future of America to join
                         the Family Advocacy Group.

                                   ARTHUR
                         Good for you!  You've decided to
                         stop being a victim, and take back
                         America for our children.  As you
                         know, gays and liberals are working
                         double-time to force the gay agenda
                         on us, God-fearing real Americans.

                                   SARAH
                         And that's why now, it's more
                         important than ever before to learn
                         how to fight back.

                                   ARTHUR
                         As a Family Advocate, you will be
                         expected to keep yourself informed. 
                         Gays and liberals will stop at
                         nothing to smear the faithful. 
                         Your only defense is to know the
                         facts.

                                   SARAH
                         And that's why we're here to tell
                         you the facts.

                                   ARTHUR
                         Homosexuality IS a choice.  And
                         since gays can't have their own
                         children to turn gay, their only
                         option is to corrupt other people's
                         children.

                                   SARAH
                         The most common way for someone to
                         become a gay is to be turned into
                         one by another gay.

                                   ARTHUR
                         Children are the most
                         impressionable, so they are the
                         biggest target.  To protect your
                         children, teach them these facts,
                         and don't allow them to go around
                         people you think are gay.

                                   SARAH
                         It's important to be vigilant,
                         because a gay will not hesitate to
                         drink your child's blood!

                                   ARTHUR
                         Right!
                             (beat)
                         Wait, what?

                                   SARAH
                         That's how they turn people
                         gay...by drinking their blood.

                                   ARTHUR
                         I'm not sure that's true...

                                   SARAH
                         Well, I suppose technically, they
                         have to drink the gay's blood in
                         order to become gay.

                                   ARTHUR
                             (beat)
                         Anyway, be sure to teach your
                         children the signs. Gays tend to be
                         very neat, and excellent dressers.

                                   SARAH
                         Also, they don't have reflections
                         or cast shadows.

                                   ARTHUR
                         Are...are you sure about that?

                                   SARAH
                         Of course!  Also, they can be
                         identified by two small puncture
                         marks on their neck, where another
                         gay bit them.

                                   ARTHUR
                         That doesn't seem quite right...

                                   SARAH
                         It's a fact!

                                   ARTHUR
                         Are you sure you're not thinking of
                         vampires?

                                   SARAH
                         Don't be silly, Arthur.  Vampires
                         aren't real!

                                   ARTHUR
                         Right...

                                   SARAH
                         But gays are!

                                   ARTHUR
                         Yes...they are...anyway, be wary of
                         places where gays often hang out,
                         like dance clubs, or gyms...

                                   SARAH
                         Or old castles, cemeteries, and
                         crypts. Also, they can't go out in
                         the sunlight, or they'll burn up
                         and die!

                                   ARTHUR
                         Listen, I don't know where you got
                         your information, but I'm pretty
                         sure you're thinking of vampires.

                                   SARAH
                             (ignoring him)
                         They can also be killed by--

                                   ARTHUR
                             (cutting her off)
                         Whoa whoa, we do NOT advocate
                         killing gays!
                         It's better to pray for them, and
                         to cure them by introducing them to
                         God.

                                   SARAH
                         Well obviously curing them through
                         prayer is better, but you might not
                         have time for that if you've got a
                         gay trying to gnaw at your neck! 
                         So if you're in an emergency
                         situation, and need to protect
                         yourself, they can be killed by
                         exposing them to sunlight, like I
                         said, or by driving a stake through
                         their heart.

                                   ARTHUR
                         No, you're not--
                             (beat)
                         Well, I suppose that second one is
                         technically true...

                                   SARAH
                         You can also keep them at bay with
                         crosses, holy water, or garlic.

                                   ARTHUR
                         Sarah, with all due respect, I
                         think maybe you're misinformed...or
                         maybe just confused...

                                   SARAH
                         Arthur, I'm not the one that's 
                         confused...the gays are.

                                   ARTHUR
                         We should probably just end this
                         thing. Remember: you have nothing
                         to be afraid of, because you've got
                         God on your side. Just be vigilant,
                         and be sure to avoid the
                         propaganda. For example, don't
                         watch films that perpetuate the gay
                         agenda, like Brokeback Mountain...

                                   SARAH
                         ...or Twilight.

                                   ARTHUR
                             (beat)
                         Close enough.