Why not me?

Why am I never right? I have tried and no matter what I try I am not anyones dream come true. I have had every hair style I can think of and each and every time the man will want the opposite. Just cut my hair short, the way I like it. I feel it fits me best of all. Of course the man likes long hair. He was even willing to pay for hair for me. So he has moved on. Now don't get me wrong I was not swooning over him, but I was open to the possibility. He has moved on to the type of women he likes. long hair, those that are girlie type and freaks in the bed. I am not a girlie girl, but I am female. I don't like makeup but will wear lipstick when the occassion calls for something. My legs are not something I want seen so I prefer to wear pants. I would love to wear dresses and skirts but people stare and ask why my legs swell. Between knee surgery, neuropathy I don't wear heels. Don't get me wrong if I could wear heels I would definitely be strutting them. Dancing use to be my thing but my back doesn't allow me to enjoy that pleasure. I try to see myself realistically. Good conversation, interest in learning new things, reading and loving old movies have no value. I have tried to develop interest in sports to make me more appealling. I would like a man that doesn't want to change me. That will accept me with all my good and bad traits. I have become so numb over the years I don't remember how it feels to feel. I wander if I can feel. Friends have tried to pull me out but the past has a stronger hold on me. I have lost all faith in the possibility of romance and love. I was recently told that I should accept all offers of sex and be grateful. That romance and love is not a reality I will get to ever have. I have live vicariously for the last 20 years. I wish I could be in a cocoon and then turn into a beautiful butterfly. My only hope is that there is reincarnation and then maybe I will be able to have what I have been only allowed to see from the outside.