Meat Boy

I pack this meat everyday John. You know that. I know that. Everyone in my life knows that. Well, that’s changing. It’s all changing a lot faster than I expected. Man, I know I’ve been telling you about all these crazy dreams of mine, you know, to be a contractor and get an education. I probably drive you insane. I mean, you’ve got to spend twelve hours a day packing meat next to a stupid twenty-five year old kid, always going on about his crazy dreams or his beautiful wife. I’m sure sometimes you just want to say, Carlos, shut it already! You probably want to kill me. Thank you for not doing that, by the way.

But now, those dreams are, well, they’re an option. I mean, I guess they were an option before. Now they’re more of a mandatory option. Last night I did something crazy. Alyssa and me, we went over to her dad’s house last night. He had invited us to dinner and I guess that means we have to go. I don’t even know why he invites me. Why doesn’t he just ask Alyssa? I think we’d all be happier that way. He just wants me there so he can look down on me, make me feel like a pile of trash. I got so sick of it last night. I was exhausted to begin with. I mean, I had just finished six twelve hour days here at work.  You know how that is. All you want to do is sleep or take a shower. Have you noticed this meat smell never leaves you? I swear, every day I come home smelling like a giant sausage. I shower and shower. It never goes away. I bought a new shirt, thinking there was no way it could smell like meat if it’d never come in contact with this factory or me even! Apparently that’s not how it works. I came home, took a shower, and then put it on. It was a nice shirt, you know. One that Alyssa is always wanting me to buy.  She was at home, cleaning the kitchen. I was telling her about my day, and she comments that I smell like meat. What the heck man? I just bought the shirt.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, we were going to her dad’s house. He lives up on some high hill in Maysfield. His house is huge and all the furniture looks like it came from a store from a hundred years ago. There isn’t a single soft seat in that house. It’s extremely uptight. But I have to admit, the architecture is beautiful. The arches and the columns, of it’s just a work of art. Someday I want to build a house like that. 

Now that we’ve arrived at her dad’s mansion of a house Dennis, her dad, answers the door. Guess what he’s wearing, a full on suit. You know, that man is always wearing a suit. I don’t know why. It’s a Sunday evening, his daughter and son-in-law are coming over for dinner. And he’s wearing a suit. Maybe he thinks it’ll make his thin, small frame look stronger. He’s always saying that I’m just a boy but really he’s the one who looks like a boy. At least I have muscles and I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty.

So, he answers the door in a full on suit and the first thing he does is comments on my outfit! He said I should learn to dress like a man and not a child. What’s wrong with a sweater and jeans? They were even nice jeans, not like the ones I would usually wear just to relax. I can’t relax around him, it’s always, “Why aren’t you dressed up, Carlos?”, or “Why don’t you talk more, Carlos?”, or “Why don’t you get a real job and stop wasting time at that meat place, Carlos?” Oh, I’d love to grill him about his life choices or the way he treats people. But I don’t. John, I never do. I always want to say things to him. But I never do. I guess it’s because of Alyssa. She just wants us to get along.

After the very warm welcome from Dennis we finally sat down to drinks before dinner. That’s another thing. We have to drink some fancy drink before we can even eat dinner. And that’s not all. The food! Oh, the food is always so froufrou looking. And there’s never enough, not that I’d want more. But the portions are ridiculously tiny. I always come home hungry. I don’t understand what’s so wrong with burgers and beer. Anyway, we’re sitting down to drinks and Dennis starts bragging about his job. He’s a lawyer, you know. So, he’s going on about some case he won. And it’s not like he’s just trying to make conversation or share some good news with us. He’s just bragging. I think he does it to show me up. Yet, it’s almost like he does it to impress Alyssa too. Like he wants to show her what she could have had if she’d married someone with a big important job. Alyssa always says it doesn’t impress her and she’d rather be with someone she really loves than someone with a good job.

I don’t know. Sometimes it seems a little crazy to me. She must have had all the guys in the world to pick from, and most of them were probably lawyers or doctors. I mean after all she’s beautiful, smart, and funny. But she picked me. I’m not sure what she was thinking. Sometimes I wish I had that important job. It’d sure make everything easier. She wouldn’t have to work. We could move to a nicer place. Her dad and I wouldn’t always be arguing. It really upsets her when he says stuff to me. If I could just find something better than this stupid meat packing job maybe everything would be better. I guess that was what I was thinking last night.

It didn’t help that Dennis kept going on and on about that case. He just wouldn’t stop. Then he finally got around to apologizing for going on about something that I was incapable of comprehending. The jerk went on to re-word his original apology into smaller words so that my ignorant brain could understand. That did it. I got so mad. There I was, tired as ever and starving, and he goes off to basically call me an idiot right to my face and in front of Alyssa.  I couldn’t take it anymore. John, I know I probably didn’t act right. But he was just getting to me.

I got so upset. I told him that he was a jerk who didn’t do anything but flaunt his money around and make people feel like dirt. I let him know how it made Alyssa feel. She’s always apologizing or crying or upset whenever we leave his house. And I told him that I was fed up with it. Just because I don’t have a college degree or a ton of money doesn’t mean I’m not good enough for his daughter. That’s not all there is to life, John. You’d think he’d know that, he’s supposed to be so smart and well educated. I told him that it wasn’t like I was happy with my job. I want to do more. I want to earn a degree. I want to become a contractor. I want to make enough so that Alyssa can stop working and we can eventually build a family. And that’s when I said it. It just came out.

The words left my mouth and soon after I wished I could get them back. I told him I was quitting this meatpacking job and going to college. As soon as I said it the room went silent. It was like I said I had cancer or something. Dennis just stood there, staring at me. I didn’t know what he would do. And then Alyssa, she looked just as surprised. I didn’t take back what I said. I couldn’t. I was so sick of him treating me like this and feeling so low about myself. I had to make a stand. I guess when I said it I expected him to be happy and Alyssa to be happy.

You know what that man did? He looked me straight in the eye and laughed. He laughed and laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen. I could have hit him. But I didn’t. I don’t think that would have fixed anything except maybe his huge nose that he’s always looking down at people with. Instead I picked up my jacket, grabbed Alyssa’s hand, and walked out of there. I drove us right back to our apartment. The whole way home she didn’t say a thing. She still had that surprised look on her face. Man, I was so mad I couldn’t even worry about what she was feeling. Nothing mattered but going home and being somewhere where I didn’t feel like dirt.

When we got home I headed to the living room but Alyssa stopped me. She wanted to know if I was serious. I don’t know how I couldn’t have been serious. I just told her father, the man who can’t stand me, that I was quitting my job and going starting college. I had to go through with it now. It took her a while to respond. It was so quiet. Our apartment for the first time seemed huge, almost like if you yelled you would hear echoes.  She stood in front of me looking at me like she was trying to figure me out or something. Her green eyes were just watching me. I didn’t know what to say, John. There stood the woman that I was truly in love with, all five feet and three inches of her, wearing the most questioning look I’d ever seen on her sweet, soft face. I was so worried she was angry with me.
Then she finally said something. She said that she thought I should quit and she would support me, but she didn’t want me to do it because of her dad. She made sense. I don’t want to spend my time trying to please him. After last night I realized I probably wouldn’t ever please Dennis. Him laughing in my face was a pretty clear sign of that. But I do really want to do this. Maybe I’m a little scared. But I need to do this.

So, I had to take one more step. John, this morning I walked into the boss’s office and I handed him my letter of resignation. Two more weeks and I’m out of here. I can finally start living my dream, man. This is it. You don’t have to listen to my crazy in-law stories or my wild dreams or my constant talk of my beautiful wife anymore. I think that that sudden decision was is exactly what I needed to do.