Voyeur

A blanket of mist hovers just below my second story apartment window. The full moon shining brightly casts a amber glow across my bedroom floor. My stereo set to the most romantic music I can find and a glass of my favorite wine swirls in my hand. I sit there, waiting with anticipation for him to come home. For weeks now I would slip into my bedroom after dark and sit by my window peaking through the curtain, watching the apartment across the street. He would come home, nine o'clock every night and get in the shower. I would watch with anticipation for him come out. Towel wrapped around him, wet hair clinging to his body and water glistening on his perfectly tan chest, he was the essence of a man. Many times we would pass each other in the street below, exchanging glances and a subtle smile, but I never had the nerve to speak. If I had, I'm sure nothing would have come out. So I would wait and wonder if we would ever talk to each other.

He was a little late this evening and I had almost given up. But as I stepped away from the widow, something made me turn around. Peaking back through the curtain there he was, my heart stopped as I thought he had seen me and I held my breath. He walked over to the large window and stood staring in my direction, pulling the drapes open as far as they would go and walked into the bathroom. "Did he see me?" I whispered "no, I'm sure he didn't." I opened my curtain just a little more to get a better view. Feeling quite silly for spying but unable to control myself, I waited. It seamed like it took forever this time for him to emerge from the bathroom, but when he did it was worth the wait. No towel this time, I giggled and surprised myself, looking around my room as if to make sure I was still alone. He was facing me, just standing there like he was putting on show just for me and me alone. He turned his head towards the door to his apartment. I tried to get a better look as he walked slowly over and opened it. A women came in the room and smacked him playfully on the ass with her purse. He didn't wait for her to take her coat off before he was all over her, pulling at her clothing, stripping her naked. I turned my head away and walked over to my bedroom door. I knew It was wrong for me to watch and it left me feeling dirty. I went into the kitchen and poured another glass of wine, sipping it at first and then downing it before pouring another. The wine was affecting me and I felt a warm sensation all over my body. I stood there for a minute staring down at the counter and thinking of what was going on across the street. "Fuck it" I said as I grabbed the bottle of wine and headed quickly back to my bedroom. I pulled the curtain back slightly peering through. Their passion was unbridled as they moved around the room, eventually moving closer to the window. His hands following the curves of her body made me jealous and wish her skin were mine. The thought of his touch sent chills down my spine and I abandoned my wine glass drinking straight from the bottle now. He spun her around to face me holding her hands above her head and pushing her breasts into the glass as he reached down and caressed her low on her stomach. I could almost see the glass move as he drove her into it. The look on her face, shear ecstasy. He buried his head into her shoulder, as they stand motionless for a few moments. Then she wiggled herself from beneath him, kissed him on the cheek and put on her clothes walking quickly out the door. He still stood there alone both hands against the glass, looking down at street below us with a sad look on his face. I put my hand up to the glass as if to touch his and at that moment he lifted his eyes. It was then that I realized in my excitement I had opened my curtain all the way. He looked right at me, I jumped up and shut the curtains.and ran into the kitchen yelling to myself "He saw me, I know it! He saw me!" I paced in circles around the room trying to figure out how I would explain, how I could pass him on the street and look him in the eyes. He would think me perverted and never look at me again. I jumped with a start when the phone began to ring. I wasn't going to answer it at first but maybe the person on the other end would help me forget. "Hello?" I said softly. I heard a faint breathing on the other end. "who is this?" I demanded. A smooth, deep voice came through the phone, "Did you enjoy it?" my heart sank with fear and I felt ill. "Enjoy what?" I asked, as if I didn't know what he meant. There was a pause for a moment and he said, "I did." Pretending to be confused I asked, "You did what?" I already knew the answer but I waited, "I enjoyed being watched." I was embarrassed and ashamed, and I denied it. "I don't know what your talking about, goodbye." I walked back into my bedroom as I hung up the phone and within almost an instant it was ringing in my hand. I hesitated before I pushed the button, raising the phone to my ear without saying a word. The same voice whispered in my ear. "I want to watch you this time." I slowly walked over to the window and drew the curtain back in disbelief that it was him. But there he was, leaning on the window with the phone to his ear. He repeated himself, "I want to watch you." I backed up into the middle of the room, to hide my embarrassment in the cover of darkness. He giggled softly "Come back" he said, with amusement in his voice. I was torn between embarrassment , curiosity and an undeniable erotic fear. I stepped slowly back into the moonlight. "Yes, closer." He said. His voice mesmerized me. "take your top off." he said. although when he said it I imagined doing it, I shyly said "No." There was a uneasy silence before he said, "I'll forgive you if you do." I timidly giggled, looked down at the street and at the other apartments to make sure no one else would see, and I lifted my top but only for a second. He laughed out loud and said, "Tease." I was embarrassed and lowered my head. My school girl awkwardness must have shown because he said "Your beautiful, show me more." Still feeling the effect of the wine, I was intrigued by game we were playing so I unbuttoned my blouse and dropped it to the floor. "That's my girl." He said softly. "Now," He hesitated as he put his hand flat on the window. "Touch yourself" I put the phone on speaker and laid it on the table by the window. I closed my eyes and pretended my hands were his. I herd him moan softly as I did, and I got lost in his pleasure.

For weeks after that night, I would pass him on the street below our apartments, we would exchanged glances and a subtle smile, I would pour a glass of my favorite wine and sit by my window waiting for him to come home. He would take a shower and meet me at our windows and as time went by I became more comfortable with our game, I would go to sleep at night dreaming of him. I decided it was time for us to meet so one night instead of going to my bedroom, I put on my best lingerie and covered it with a long coat, grabbed a bottle of wine and went to his apartment. I stood there at the door, alive with anticipation as I knocked and waited, but the door never opened. Feeling disappointed I started to walk away when I heard a woman's voice. "He moved." she said. Surprised I turned around. "moved" I repeated. She smiled and said "Yeah, today, he said he found a place with a better view." She went back in her apartment and shut the door. I stood there staring at her door in disbelief when It hit me. It was just a game to him nothing more. My eyes filled up with tears as I thought of how stupid I was. I set the bottle of wine down by his door and walked back home felling more alone than I ever have in my life.

When I walked in my door I went to my bedroom window and pulled back the curtain, hoping somehow she was wrong and that I would see him standing there in his apartment. The apartment was empty. I took my coat off, lay it on the bed and walked into the living room when a knock came at the door. In my despair I had forgotten I was in my lingerie when I opened the door. From in the open doorway of the apartment across the hall a familiar voice said "I knew the view would be better from here."