The final blink..

I was standing outside the intensive care unit of the St.Wilson's pediatric center- staring through the hazy glass pane at my one year old cancer affected daughter -Maya, who laid on the bed with eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling and leaving herself to the mercy of three doctors and two nurses who surrounded her. I was not sure if she went blind as she didn't wink of even move her eye balls.The tumor in her brain had been eating away all her brain cells and slowly all her sensory organs turned dysfunctional.She developed dark circles as a result of the numerous sleepless nights that she spent wriggling in pain.

The repeated doses of chemotherapy didn't show any results instead resulted in side affects.The hair on her head dropped and the ones left turned pale brown.She would start crying middle of the night pulling her ears with tears pouring out of the corners of her tightly shut eyes.I would wake up suddenly scared, frightened and confused not knowing what to do.And then in a shock i would discover blood coming out of her ears.I would run to the near by hospital holding her in my arms, while my husband kept snoring on the bed.

I had got used to this in past six months and then a miracle happened.After the last dose in the series of chemotherapy, Maya started recovering. She stopped crying,she didn't show any signs of trauma and fear,she laughed loudly watching cartoons,she hugged her dad and me,she ate noddles and fed me too from her bowl.She looked at her own image in the mirror and screamed - 'baby' clapping her hands. I was relieved and thanked god that Maya was back. The doctors, nurses and even my ruthless mother in law was surprised looking at my angel.Life was inexplicably happy until last night when i heard her cry.I woke up to discover she had wet the bed. Maya never wet her bed, it was surprising but didn't pay heed to the fact that it was water coming out of her nose.I cleaned her and put her back to sleep.She remained quite and closed her eyes.Something inside me said she was not well. I called her name. She didn't respond. I shook her; she didn't open her eyes.I called for my husband and mother in law. They came running and accused me of getting tensed for every small thing. I pleaded - 'Some thing is wrong with her. Let's go to hospital.' My husband said we could go the next day.
I wanted to slap him.But attending to Maya was more important and took her to the hospital. The doctors examined her and said she needs to be admitted and might need a life supporting system. I was terrified and remained frozen. My mom and dad arrived at the hospital. They completed the formalities and admitted Maya.

Maya turned her head and looked at me. The doctors removed the mask from her face that covered her mouth. They turned off the lights and came out.

'Mrs.Sharma, You may go and see her now.You may not get to see her again.' the lady doctor said and put her arm around me.

I went in alone. I went and sat near her. She looked at me and blinked.I took her into my lap and kissed her. Tears kept rolling on my cheek. She opened her mouth. The room was freezing. Maya would be feeling cold.Why haven't they covered her? She wanted to say something.She mumbled and managed to say 'Mama.' 'Mama..' She touched my face with her tender fingers and smiled.
I held her close and cried. "Maya .. don't leave mama.."

She kept gazing at me and slowly her smile vanished, she quivered suddenly and her eyes closed forever.