LAS VEGAS BIPOLAR BLOOZ

LAS VEGAS BIPOLAR BLOOZ       

Never enough hours in my disappearing days…
 
Just the sinking pain while  seeing 3, then 4, then 5 AM

Hating  to know Sun is soon to come up again ...
... bringing  tomorrow …
... knowing  that I should sleep … 

but I still havent’ finished  with today. 

So few hours  I was given for each day…

Can I  just grab more time – and say DAMN the sleep –

This aging body, hungry heart, dreaming soul
still  strugglng to keep up, stay up -
MIND 48 hours young. ..
TIME A BIG CHEATER -  could I just double up on my 24 days? …
...and then live TWO 48 hour lives? instead of just the usual one …
and then get twice as much done…

in my “purpose driven”
life…  Instead I  wander frantically –
… racing, hurrying, seeking  turning over every stone

Apparently still  blind to my “perfect purpose”.
Scrambled goals/ slash/ impulses, angst/ slash/ trauma slash/ anxiety,
Childhood ghosts ….   
and love always only briefly tasted …
then starved forever from –

The days fly past while love never stays to visit for long
They lied and said  love was my silver spoon
Success, “being me” -  peace of mind a promise

… that If I just tried hard enough … then……. 

But instead  The Goal  was a sterling knife
which cut my heart up instead
Leaving my Brain/ slash/Mind only a bare electric light bulb
..... TOO bright to sleep under